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Since you live with someone, you don't notice the day to day changes in a person until it just hits you one day. This is what happened to me about DP's weight. He's never been a small man but has become increasingly larger in the last year. I know he's always had an issue with his weight and it is such a sensitive subject to him. I shop and cook very healthy, but somehow he manages to dump a pound of butter or cheese or salt on everything. If I don't buy chips or other foods that he likes, he will go the grocery store himself just to stock up. I checked out his BMI online and he is now classified as obese.<br><br>
I've tried talking to him about being healthy for his daughters sake (he has a family history of obesity, diabetes, heart disease) but he immediately gets defensive. He was mercilessly teased growing up for being the 'fat' kid. In high school, he started working out and turned into an outstanding football player. he did some physical activity when we met, but over the years has become increasingly sedentary. He works an extremely physical job and when he comes home, all he wants to do is sit on the couch and watch TV or play with DD on the floor.<br><br>
I've tried to include him on walks with DD and the dog - he is always 'too tired'. I know he is ashamed of his body, or maybe what I think of it. I haven't seen him naked in 6 months. He has to have the lights off when we make love now. If he was so unhappy with his body you think he might try to change something but it seems like he's given up.<br><br>
If the subject of healthy eating comes up, he has said that he is not going to deprive himself of the things he loves, just so he can live to be old and in diapers<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">: I am trying to install good eating habits for DD and tell him we need to lead by example but he just doesn't get it. We come from 2 opposite places when it comes to food. I was raised to eat fresh, healthy food - no junk in the house and to this day I continue that. He was raised on boxed meals, chips and soda.<br><br>
Not only do I worry about his health, I am becoming physically less attracted to him and feel shallow because of it. I love him to pieces and feel I should no matter what, but I can't help this feeling. I feel like I've tried every non-confrontational way to talk to him about it but no matter what, he becomes defensive and angry. Should I just give up and try to change the way I feel about his body?
 

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I think counseling might be helpful for the two of you. Especially since it is impacting your relationship if he is too tired to do stuff with you and DD, AND if he is ashamed of his body. In the end, he is responsible for what he eats, but if that affects your relationship it is also his responsibility to work on it with you.
 

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DP and I had this problem for a long time before I finally just called him on it. (he's not obese, but getting a little chubby and was always "too tired" to do anything with us, started not really being interested in sex, just wanted to watch TV or play video games with DS, etc)<br><br>
He admitted he was just depressed and stuck in a rut. He felt fat and unattractive and that made him not want to go out and/or get naked <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">... and the lack of exercise and sex made him depressed... and so on.<br><br>
I actually wish I'd been more brutally honest earlier because he really needed ME to say something, even if it hurt a little, at first. He was relieved to have it all out in the open.<br><br>
We're joining the gym this week so we can work out together while the kids play <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">
 

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The thing about heart disease is that it does'nt strike when you're elderly in diapers. It strikes men in the prime of their life.<br>
My dh and I are in our 50's-no where near diaper-wearing age. We are active in all ways. He had high cholesterol and triglicerides and c-reactive protein. He was bordering on obese and yet he exercised everyday. I cooked a healthy diet but he still had food he should'nt of with his high choleterol and all.<br>
A year ago he had bad chest pains on any kind of exertion. To make a long story short, he needed 2 stents in 2 seperate procedures and is now on 3 different heart meds. It was all so scary for us both.<br>
Now he's lost 20 pounds, still exersises, and eats much better. But the truth is he has heart disease and he will probably need to be on meds for the rest of his life.<br>
Please, tell your dh to get tested and that he can reverse any damage done but heart disease can strike a man well before elderliness.<br>
We are so lucky it was chest pain and not a full blown heart attack.
 

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depression may definitely be a factor. most people are emotional eaters, if they're not food addicts (i am assuming he is not a food addict). some people deprive, others overeat--but it's usually for an emotional reason.<br><br>
councelling can help. a lot.
 

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DH's BMI is now 45<br><br>
I feel ya.<br><br>
My DH has given up showering and shaving though too, and has been getting staph infections on his face and chest, probably because he doesn't cut his fingernails and is constantly scratching at himself to boot.<br><br>
Not....attracted....at....all.
 
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