loss of my angel

443 Views 4 Replies 5 Participants Last post by umami_mommy, Apr 12, 2006

mertime

Discussion Starter · Apr 11, 2006

Last monday (April 3rd) my precious angel died at 8 weeks 4 days and I had to have a D&C. It has been one week now and I can't seem to find any closure. I cry all the time and can't believe I lost my child. I had been so sick during the pregnancy getting IV fluids and medication. I had been that way with my first child but everything was fine! I had seen the heartbeat and everything was WONDERFUL! Then I go in to the doctor and there was no heartbeat. I was just lost. I couldn't believe it. I had the D&C and will find out on the 17th the results of that. But I am scared to get pregnant again in worry that I may lose another. I couldn't handle that pain. I can't handle the pain now. Having my daughter through this has helped a lot. She is only 2 but she puts a smile on my face and makes me realize what a blessing she is. She went through the pregnancy with me like she was pregnant to, when I was sick, she was too, she told me her baby was kicking and all. It was so cute. Then I had to tell her the baby died and went to live with Jesus and she ask me if her baby died to and why mommies baby died. Now I just cry a lot and am trying to find some way to cope with this pain and loss. Someone told me about this site and how great the people are on it. So I hope someone can help me out with this sadness. Thanks for listening!

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kimnicole428

· #2 · Apr 12, 2006

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried and had a D&C friday 4/7. I was 10-11 weeks. I wish there was a way to turn off the pain and stop feeling betrayed by my body.
I have just been trying to find the silver lining below is my litle list. Maybe it will help you.

Better now than later (I know pretty lame)
At least I know I can get pregnant (it was my first pregnancy)
God would never put us though anything so awful unless it was in his master plan
next time I wont be on anti depressents during any part of my pregnancy (i had just finished weaning off
Made me realize how much I really Wanted to have a baby to love and raise with my DH (had some doubts.)

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dziejen

· #3 · Apr 12, 2006

To both of you mamas, here is a

. I am so sorry for your losses. Mermama, I am sorry you are going through such pain but I can tell you that it is absolutely normal and it is still very early to be feeling closure on such a significant loss. It is different for everyone but please allow yourself time to grieve your baby. I am so sorry, I wish I could take your pain away. We are here to listen.

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coralsmom

· #4 · Apr 12, 2006

mertime, am sorry you are going through this, it is so hard to lose a baby that you, and your family, wanted so much. it totally pulls the rug out from underneath you, and i can understand your fear and worry about getting pregnant again. each pregnancy holds a unique and separate outcome from the previous, and this is what has helped me cope with the loss.

i hope you can have some healing, and that you have some support from your family. it is totally acceptable to be sad and continue to be sad for a long time- losing a baby is a big deal, especially for the mother, and you need time to heal, not to forget, but to get to a place where you won't feel so much immediate pain when you think about your loss. the more you allow your feelings to come out, the better you will be, it seems hard to feel so bad but in the end it is better, that had been my experience.

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umami_mommy

· #5 · Apr 12, 2006

hugs mama...

you don't need to look for closure so soon... it will come in time. likely you will always mourn the loss of your belly babe, but the pain will ease greatly over time.

don't worry about ttc at this time, that too will resolve itself in time.

many times these losses are just random and no one knows what the reason is for them happening. many women go on to have healthy pregnancies in the future (some of us have medical reasons for losing babies, but for most women it's just something that happens once and then doesn't happen again)

and mostly nothing that we did or didn't do had any influenece in what happened, it just happened.

my son is 3.5 and even though my m/c was 6 weeks ago he still asks about why the baby died, esp. with us planting all the seeds in our garden this week. although it seems painful, to me it is very comforting that he still remembers my pregnancy and is comfortable enough to still ask about it when others don't. so it's a blessing.

hang in there mama, enjoy your daughter and in time you'll feel better. just be gentle with yourself in the meantime.

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