It was a very crappy 2 hours worth of very real labor. There was a lot of bleeding (we were afraid I would need a transfusion.) We rode to the hospital in the car thirty minutes away since i didn't want our new home tainted with the misery of a miscarriage. At the old house, it was so bad we had to leave there to come here.
He was born at 330pm in a cold hospital Er room. His body had already been torn apart by the labor so there wasn't much left of him to see. They took What was left of him off to pathology so I'll probably never see him again.
And that is that. I will never have a sweet newborn to hold again. I hope I savored my son's first few years enough because it looks like that's all I'm going to get.
It is so fresh and raw and I know I have been feeling the same. But, unless something happened that defined an inability to carry a babe in the future, there's always hope. It has taken time to gain hope back...after my first it took me longer, after this last one the feeling was more intense, but for whatever reason hope came back. I think it is also sooo sooo much harder the further along you are.
I am so terribly sorry for your loss. Please be gentle with yourself
I also have a bicornuate/septate uterus. I've had one miscarriage and ds1 was stillborn at 38 weeks (I believe it was related to my uterine issues but we'll never know for sure). I now have ds2 (8 months) and feel SOOO blessed. For a long while there I did not know if it would ever be a reality (we also dealt with IF).
I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you.
There is a Yahoo group for women with mullerian anomalies that I used to belong to. You can probably find it with a search. You'll find LOTS of support there and lots of women who completely undertand your heartbreak.
i am sorry. it is so hard to lose a baby, and i think having additional physical hurdles to deal with make the loss even more complex and complicated. i hope you are able to heal, and to keep yourself open to a new baby, however that baby may make its way to you...