Mothering Forum banner

1 - 9 of 9 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,097 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
how do you deal with lying?<br><br>
Ex.<br><br>
Me: "Put your pajamas in the dresser"<br>
dd: "I did it" closing her door to conceal that she threw them on the floor in her room instead<br><br>
This is frustrating! Help me!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,097 Posts
Discussion Starter · #3 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>chfriend</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11597335"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">How old is your child?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
6
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
19,261 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/notes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="notes">: Been going on with my 6 year old also.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
853 Posts
In that specific situation, I would say, "I can see that you did not do what I just asked. Please put your clothes in your dresser now.".<br><br>
Also, try not to set her up to lie with questions like, "Did you clean your room?" or "Did you wash your hands?". Instead, actually go check her room or just check her hands. kwim If they are not given the chance to lie, then it won't happen.<br><br>
Now, that would be great to do all the time in a perfect world. Sometimes it can't be avoided, and they lie. I try to remain very neutral and ask them to try answering me again with the truth and explain that lies hurt my feelings. When I am not sure if they are lying, I will say something like, "I really hope you are being honest with me because I would hate to lose trust in you when I discover it isn't." I have gotten the truth immediately numerous times with that one.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
12,445 Posts
I describe what I see.<br><br>
Put your pajamas in your drawer.<br>
I did it!<br>
Hmm... I see your pajamas on the floor. They belong in the drawer.<br><br>
And I agree with the pp, don't ask questions that are a set up for lying. "I see there's water on the floor. Please get a towel and help me wipe this up." is a lot more effective than "did you spill water?" Now, even when I describe my kids might say "I didn't do it!" but then I can respond, "I didn't ask who did it. I asked you to help me clean it up."<br><br>
6 is still in the age range where I don't worry too much about it. I don't think my kids are going to become juvenile delinquents for lying at this age. They're trying to take the easy way out by saying they've done things/not done things. If I don't make an issue of it, and don't let them take the easy way out, they'll eventually get over it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,097 Posts
Discussion Starter · #7 ·
I agree with the above and I do not set up lying scenarios.<br><br>
She is volunteering the information. Generally its something like picking up toys, I'll ask her to do it and then she will come in the room and tell me she's done with her job.<br><br>
I try to be specific so there is no confusion (for ex. Put your books on the shelf and toys in the bin) and I do give her reminders instead of asking (for ex. after pottying I'll tell her, "Make sure you wiped, flushed, and washed. If you forgot go back and do it") because we have seen that she will lie if asked so she can get back to whatever fun thing she was doing before.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,439 Posts
I wouldnt really address the lying too much. I think just addressing that she didnt do what you asked would suffice. I think that if you address the lying specifically it may get worse as she realizes its a hot button for you. More of a not listening issue than anything else and maybe come up with a consequence for not listening when she is asked to do something?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,097 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>angela&avery</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11602493"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wouldnt really address the lying too much. I think just addressing that she didnt do what you asked would suffice. I think that if you address the lying specifically it may get worse as she realizes its a hot button for you. More of a not listening issue than anything else and maybe come up with a consequence for not listening when she is asked to do something?</div>
</td>
</tr></table></div>
<br>
I'll give that a try. This time the consequence was having to clean up her whole room instead of just putting the clothes away.<br><br>
We were headed out and I gave her a few pieces of clothes to put away. So we ended up staying in a while longer while she cleaned her whole room. I think it did reach her and she understood that its important to do what she's asked about truthful about it.
 
1 - 9 of 9 Posts
Top