[caricandothis]

(now I just need to get my dh on board, which will NOT be an easy task...

)

I have decided that in no way, shape or form can I agree to allow this precious baby boy to be circ'd.

This is a huge decision for me and one that I am proud to have made. I just wanted to share it with those who I know will support me. Please wish me luck on convincing my dh now, it's going to take an act of God Himself to get him to agree.

 

[LionTigerBear]

Good for you, Cari.

As far as getting him to agree, he doesn't have to. It is a non-medically-necessary surgical procedure, and if both parents don't agree to it, than it can't happen. So as long as ONE of you does NOT agree with it, that's all that matters. Too bad for him . . . of course you can still explain your reasoning to him but don't worry of he doesn't agree with you. Like I said-- he doesn't have to.

 

[Peony]

DH wanted to circ dd if she was a boy (we didn't know what she was), I showed him all the research, especially that yes babies have died from being circed. He changed his mind.

If he hadn't of, I was prepared to put my foot down with the reasoning that circing was not my decision to make, it's not my body but ds's. Good luck and congrats.

 

[LavenderMae]

Congrats!! Lots of support from me a mama to an intact 5 yr. old boy (My dd is intact as well!). You should check out the circ board here if you haven't already for ideas on how to discuss circ with your dh and change his mind! But of course if you can't just stand firm , you've made the right decision!

 

[lilacwildfire]

I used the arguement with my DH that if our boys want to be circd when they are old enough to make that decision, then they can get it done. It isn't my place to decide what is right or wrong for their body and make a decision like that.

Mama of 3 intact boys!

 

[mom2owen1]

Congrats! I have come to the same decision and talking to DH was less tramatic then i anticipated. He has a different reason for not wanting to circ, but that is ok.

There was a really good group of not circ'ing articles in mothering a few issues back. if you don't subscribe to the magazine, check the library or the website.

 

[caricandothis]

Thanks mamas. I have posted on the anti-circ board here and the members there are, as I've found pretty much everywhere here at MDC, amazing. I've been reading all day long and am feeling so much more confident in my decision now.

I will be talking to my OB when I see her next about it to see what the hospital's procedures are as far as consent. I will not give consent, plain and simple, but I'm hoping that I'll have convinced dh by that time too.

 

[Hayes]

I say , Imagine a big scary man with a sharp knife. Imagine him tying you to the bed. Imagin ehim cutting off part of your penis. That should work pretty well.

 

[BCmamaof6]

Good for you mama! My DH is circ'd

but had no problem with not doing our son...it seemed barbaric & akin to some twisted & sick sexual child abuse.

Ask on the circ board for a link to the video...I know there's one that shows a circ

...I'll bet if your DH saw it- he'd in no way wanna subject his precious baby to that kind of torture.

 

[littleteapot]

Good for you.

When I first met DH he actually didn't *know* if he was circ'd or not, but we still figured we'd circ a boy because 'that's what people do'. I've since learned a LOT more and both of us are HUGE anti-circ activists. DH is intact, actually got a chance to thank his father for leaving him that way, and I'm glad.

 

[texmama]

Congratulations

We had to come to that decision when I was pregnant with dd, we didn't know what we were having so we had to be prepared. Originally, dh said "of course my son will be circed, I'm circed" then he did some research and said "NO WAY will my son be circed"

Thankfully, we never fought about it, I explained to him how strongly I felt about it and asked if he had ever read up on the procedure, how it's done, and that it's not medically necessary or recommended.

Have him do some research, he might just change his mind on his own. It really helped that my dh did the research for himself, he's stubborn!

 

[jule924]

I left the decision up to dh for #1 thinking that it was really no big deal. I deeply regretted that decision and cried more than once about it after. I wished I would have educated myself and dh more as I did with other issues (PROM, Vit. K, eye drops). Now with the expected arrival of ds #2 my dh is again insisting that we circ. I just can't do that to ds #2. I am torn, though, because I don't want him to feel weird that his brother is circed. How do I answer that question when it arises?

 

[LavenderMae]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jule924 I am torn, though, because I don't want him to feel weird that his brother is circed. How do I answer that question when it arises?

I would just say that when you had ds #1 you didn't know it wasn't necessary but by the time ds#2 came along you did.

 

[PuppyFluffer]

Great decision!

Please come to The Case Against Circ forum and check out the Web Resources sticky. There is a ton of info.

As to having one circ'd and one not, many many parents here at MDC are in that situation and have posted about it. For many parents, the issue just doesn't come up. For those for whom it has, they generally say that doctors recommended it then but have changed their position....and gone on to explain how we all have different bodies - shapes, colors etc.

 

[mamajandtheboys]

bravo!!

it's a tough decision for a lot of ppl -- but one that imo has never made sense. to me, it's like saying that when i deliver this baby girl in a few weeks, i'm going to have her vagina surgically altered so that it will look like other peoples, or that she may get an infection one day.

:

 

[mamajody]

My DH and I did not really get around to talking about this question until recently. It turns out he had done some research of his own and it was beyond him why anybody would circ their baby boys. He doesn't care that they will look different from him, and when the time comes he will explain that everyone looks different whether they were circ'ed or not. All I had to do was point out way back when my friend had her son that there were several articles out there regarding the danger of circ'ing babies, and he came to his own conclusion. Good luck.

 

[texmama]

I've always thought that the argument that the baby boy will look different from his father was odd. Though it is a concern for lots of men. The pubic hair alone is more of a difference than the skin at the end of the penis.

Also - I've always thought of it this way... I have inverted nipples, I would NEVER dream of having my baby girl's nipples surgically altered to look like mine!

 

[katiesmom]

Hey, I'm in the same boat, although dh has said he refuses to discuss it. Also, my whole family and IL's freaked out at the mention of leaving my son intact. I'm afraid it's going to come down to a battle in the hospital! I told him I'm prepared to kidnap the baby if I have to.

You know, if someone told me that if I had the extra peice of skin that a dr cut off at birth, I could have even 1% better sex, let alone enough nerve endings to cover a football field, I'd be pretty upset!

I got a lot of good advice in the case against circumcision board. Good luck to you!

 

[taliasully]

One good arguement that seems to sit well with alot of usaully pro circ people is that the AAP does not recomend it, they also recommend that if you are going to choose to circ that you ask to see the procedure done on another baby before you do your own, ANY parent who had watched that being done to ANY baby would have to change their mind about it for thier own child! SURELY!

 

[boscopup]

Quote:

Originally Posted by caricandothis I will be talking to my OB when I see her next about it to see what the hospital's procedures are as far as consent. I will not give consent, plain and simple, but I'm hoping that I'll have convinced dh by that time too.

My DH was pro-circ and I was anti-circ. DH thought it was healthier to circ. I sent him some web links about circ'ing and why it's NOT healthier, etc, etc. We never actually talked about it really. Then my water broke at 29 weeks and we were in the hospital. Here's how it works in my hospital. When you first go in, the nurse goes through this checklist (and maybe this is done prior to going in if you've pre-registered - I'd not been planning to be at a hospital). She asks things like "Are you planning to breastfeed?", etc. Among those questions is "If it's a boy, do you plan to circumcise?". I said "I don't want to", then looked at DH. DH just said "no".

Now part of that is probably the fact that he was more worried about whether baby would be alive and healthy, and realized it wasn't worth fighting the circ battle - it just wasn't important at that point. I don't know if he ever read those links or not. But anyway, my hospital does ask everyone if they want to circumcise. They don't just do it without asking like they do Vit. K and eye drops and such.

I'm having another boy now, and obviously, this one will be intact also.

Another good way to talk DH into it, if this is the case for you... Some insurances don't cover circ because it's a "cosmetic" procedure. So find out if your insurance covers it or not. Sometimes the financial argument is useful when talking to DH's.