Making our house the hangout

My DD is only 4. When we moved into our current house, when DD was only 2.5, there were 2 little girls who lived next door, just a bit older then DD. I was totally into the idea of become the block mom, just so I could keep a better eye on DD and the interactions. I have a friend who grew up this way, and it makes a lot of sense to me. I'd much rather deal with feeding kids at our house so that I can maintain a measure of control over what my DD is doing with other kids.

I know my munchin is much younger, and the kids moved away after just a few months, but I did find out that if you want to be THE house where kids want to come, there may be some things you are willing to give up. Kids may come at any time of day - does your family need some privacy or quiet time? Don't expect them to keep turning up if you insist on a spotlessly clean place, or have a million safety rules. Good eats will keep them coming back. Are you willing to serve up some less than healthy snacks in exchange for maintaining some control of your child's social interactions? 'Cause they are not gonna come for for flax-seed-no-sugar-carob-chip cookies.

In general, we found that its not really us to be "the house". We had problems setting reasonable boundaries with the kids next door. They did definately want to be here. I think that in large part it was because they got some respect and attention from me and DH, as well as involvement together in what they wanted to do, that they definately did not get at home.

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I tried and failed miserably, so I can tell you what NOT to do. I sincerely wanted to make our house the fun house for my preteen daughter and her friends to hang out. We have a nice, big deck with a large backyard, plus a big finished basement rumus room with pingpong table, stereo etc. I encouraged my dd to invite friends over for a last day of school party and I got all the soda and snacks that I thought they would like (stifling for the moment my resistance to serving sodas and junk food )

Her friends came over. I had stuff out for games and music, videos, plus it was a beautiful night out so they could go outside. I brought the snacks down and left them to it for about a half hour. I went down later to check on them and they had turned off the lights in the basement family room and I dimly saw couples entertwined here and there. I switched on the lights and (humorously, I thought) called out "Hand check!" They didn't find it so humorous, I suspect. I ended up doing that intermittently for the next couple of hours, plus roaming around the house interrupting couples who were seeking dark spaces out there.

So, no, I'm never going to be the 'cool' house to hang out at, I'm afraid. I'd love to hear some success stories, though.

I grew up in "the cool house", as did my dh. For different reasons. We lived in the country but that meant we had lots of safe, open space to run around in. We had lots of kids, so there was always a group of kids doing something interesting. We had a pool. We had an awesome mom that loved kids, loved to give hugs, never shut her door, didn't want you to knock, just come on in. Expected you to know how to navigate the kitchen all by yourself.

Dh grew up in town, not far from school. Again, open kitchen policy. Raid the peach tree, watch TV, make a million sandwiches. He also had a really outgoing mom, loved to interact, loved to laugh, was always interested in what you had going on and what you had to say then left to do her thing when you got bored.

So I guess the key, in my experience, is an open kitchen-anything in it is free game-and a mom that is really extroverted but doesn't hover. Eventually I may have enough money to have an open kitchen (not so sure with 2 boys) but I am afraid I will never be the extroverted mom.

My house was not the cool house, but DH's was. Everyone was always there! Friendly & non-intrusive parents, open door policy, full access to the kitchen, and the pool table were the keys there. (But, we were not properly supervised. ) I really think the pool table was a great idea...this is the reason they bought it, too!

Thank you everyone for all the great ideas! I have already been working on some of those things. My ds and his friends like to hang out here now, but they are still pretty young - they are all 6-7 years old. Having tons of Legos and some cool computer games helps with that - lol. But, it's still mostly arranged play dates.

I do try to have fun snacks on hand for them. I usually offer one fun snack. And, I've given lots of apples for snacks. I'm surprised at how much they go for these. His best friend ate two the other day, after eating some mini muffins - lol. But, as they get older, I've been thinking about keeping a rubbermaid container filled with fun snacks for them to have. I like the idea of sandwich stuff being readily accessible. I'll have to keep that one in mind.

We most likely won't have room for a pool table. Though we would love it, it would mean giving up a piece of furniture in our family room - lol.

I feel that if I lay the ground work now, so to speak, then the kids will still want to be here when they are older. I am definitely respectful and will keep that in mind always. Sometimes we even play Uno or other board games with his friends, which I think is a great way to get conversation going with him and his buddies.

I do have a "no closing the bedroom door" policy. But, they are young so they are ok with it now. I don't know how long I will be able to keep this. For as long as I can - lol.

Thanks again!

My girlfriend Lori's house is like this for her kids. She has five - ages 17, 15, 13, 11 and 4 (MY DD's best friend). Kids are ALWAYS there.

The garage is the kids'. They have a couch, a stereo and a pool table out there. IN the driveway is a basketball hoop. They have a trampoline in the backyard and there is always food. She has a "Rules of the house" sign printed on the garage door, which has like 5 rules on it, two of which are smile and say hello to the nasty grouch who lives next door. and DO NOT drink the milk. LOL - with 5 kids she goes through milk like crazy and it drives her bonkers.

She is what I what I would call a "relaxed-strict" parent. She has minimal absolute rules for the kids (including no dating - the teens are only allowed to go out in groups, which her 17 YO DD Alex told me she LOVES because it takes the pressure off of her when it comes to boys). Her kids have lots of freedom, so long as she knows where they are and who they are with and let me tell you, she has GREAT kids.

How did she do it? She is just very relaxed and very welcoming , very open and very real - you know exactly where you stand with her, and I think kids - especially teens admire that in adults. Plus she and her DH are Italian and come from HUGE families so they genuinly love having lots of people around and this is a feeling that just flows in her home. Her house is always full of laughter and fun. I think that if this is how you are then having your house be the hangout house comes pretty natural. I know DD will be hanging out over there - with me.

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Love all of this!!! I am definitely going to keep these things in mind! Maybe we would have room for a pool table afterall - lol. We don't keep a car in our garage as it is. Thanks!