[UnschoolnMa]

I have several male friends, and Dh's best friend of many years is female. I am even close with my ex-husband lol. I can see why you'd miss having male friends to connect with.

In your shoes I would deinately be talking with my husband about this. I couldn't be in a marriage where there wasn't enough trust for me to have friends.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flor I don't feel like there isn't trust, it is just this issue and this is not in anyway a big enough deal fo rme not to be married to him. I tried having a guy over to our house with dh there and dss, too, but dh was withdrawn and kinda rude.

Oh I didn't mean you shouldn't be with him over it, but just that I personally couldn't be with someone who didn't trust me and my commitment to our relationship enough for me to have male friends.

I totally see it as a trust issue because it's about him thinking you might cheat, and that is about trust.. or the lack thereof.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by kavamamakava But when a partner is being over the top jealous for no reason, that shouldnt' stop you from having friendships. It's not your issue and you don't need to take it on as your issue.

Exactly. I have pretty much zero patience for the whole jealousy thing

I see it as disrespectful to me for my partner to be jealous like that.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by philomom My life would be "less" without all my friendships, both male and female. As a fairly androgynous person myself, I truly get perplexed by many gender issues. This is one of them. My male friends and I should never see each other because of my marriage, their male equipment or some dumb unwritten rule? Huh?!

Yep, alot of the gender stuff is wierd for me as well. My Dh would be really up a creek without a paddle if he wanted to be jealous because I am bisexual. What would he tell me that I can't have any friends? I think not, or I'd like to see him try.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flor I am just deciding if it is worth it to me. There is about 2 friends who I occasionally would like to call up or chat with , is it worth the PITA of dh's feelings? I don't know. I just put it off a little longer. I'm busy and all. .

Only you can really decide if it's worth it to you. It absolutely would be to me. If my partner worried that if I am around other men I will sleep with them I wouldn't feel that I was being respected by my partner, and I just couldn't deal with that. His feelings matter, but so do yours.

and good luck whatever you decide.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lilyka So call me a prude and an odball but I think they are inappropriate and recipe for dissaster.

I won't call you those things at all, but I did want to say that I think for some people it could be a problem maybe but for many others it's not even close to problematic.

 

[UnschoolnMa]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Flor I agree it is problematic when a SO wants to cut you off from your support system. But what if you still have your family and female friends and work collegueges (sp?) just not those handful of male friends? It is random to me too, I guess, but OTOH, my dh has no female friends so I can't for sure say how I would feel.

See for me it wouldn't just be that I was losing those male friends. It would be more the issue that I am being penalized and limited beacause my partner/spouse has trust and control issues. It would be the bigger picture I would take most issue with. Justifying it, IMO, with things like "Well I still have these girl friends and I can talk to family." means that I am giving my partner permission to control me.