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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I came to MX in Dec 07 and stayed for 4 months and came back to the US for 3 months...fiance is mexican and has built on to his parents house over the years. He has stayed here since 12-7. He is not legally allowed in the US at this time. So i've sent about all my household goods and clothes to MX. Well we still have a house in NC that is for sale and is not selling. Been on the market for 1 years. Anyways, i'm having a hard time adjusting to life here. I'm not sure if it's this town Cd. Valles SLP. There is nothing to do here, american food is very hard to find. I dont have alot of the american things i'm used to. The oven does not work...share a kitchen with fiance's parents and brother. Have our own upstairs and bathroom. Have AC..thank goodness. Anyways, No english speaking people near at all. I do not speak spanish and really dont have a desire to at this point. Fiance has a internet cafe/dvd rental business here. It does good for this area. Considering we dont pay rent for housing...it's almost impossible to find another area...town...state to live in. I feel stuck here. How are other mama's adjusting to life here. It's so very different...no hot water...unless we get a new propane tank and turn on the element 30 min before a shower then as soon as shower is done go turn off element to make sure pipes dont burst. Other than showers...no hot water running anywhere. No dryer...washing machine that doesnt get clothes clean....oh i can go on and on. I dont want to sound to whinney..but i'm having a hard time here. What do i do?
 

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Discussion Starter · #2 ·
Lot's of lurkers and no responses...i'm really having a hard time here...maybe some support is what i'm looking for?
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> Hugs mama. I'm sorry no one actually *living* in Mexico has posted. I've lived there for short periods with and without my DP but I know *exactly* what you're feeling and going through. I'm really not sure I have an answer. For me, a big part of it has always been trying to take a deep breath in, center myself and remind myself to try to go with the flow. (Admitedly, alot easier said than done=) Do you/could you meditate or pray? The fact that you don't speak Spanish is definitely making things harder. I don't know Ciudad Valles at all but the fact that it *is* a city makes me think that there has to be at least a few people around who speak english. Is there a ESL language school in the city? There would be bound to be American teachers there. I feel like I'm grasping at straws! Sorry. I guess mostly, I just wanted to let you know that I feel your pain! I wish I could do more for you.
 

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First of all hugs to you mamma <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
I'm Mexican so I can't really tell how I cope, but I see it with DH, he's Spaniard maybe not that different from us but still. I don't know EVERY city in Mexico and i've never heard of where you live (I don't know much about my own geography, sad<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue">).<br>
You know when DH first came here, he couldn't stand the heat, we get around 46C in summer and with a very little rainfall, there's nothing to do here if you compare it to his home (Madrid). The food is different but he got used to it.<br>
What do you mean by American food? The American brands like the cereal and stuff?.<br><br>
I bet you'll find someone who speaks English, even though you'll find lots of English speaking people in the bordering states (I live in one of them and there are lots of people who speak English).<br>
But why is it impossible to move?? It's hard but definately not impossible.<br><br>
I feel your pain for the hot water thing and it's annoying, but we solved that and we called somone it doesn't have to be that way all the time but it's expensive to get it repaired. Washing machines are not famous everywhere and not even drying machines, we don't have one XD. SOme popel do have but we choosed not too. I do feel your pain, i'm Mexican and i can tell you it's not easy to live here <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Oh, MOm. Sending you hugs. I'm in Mx but way over at the tip of the Baja in Los Cabos. Been here 8 months and living a completely ****** lifestyle but lived in Costa Rica for 16 before that and your comments totally remind me of my lifestyle there at the beginning. Culturally can be difficult if you don't speak the language. There might be some English schools that would be interested in having you come to speak with the students. Or just a conversation club where those who are wanting to learn English can practice their English and then you switch and you can practice Spanish (or not switch if you don't want).
 

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That's sounds like a really tough situation you're in, but I think you can adjust with time. I too live in Gringolandia here in Cabo, so it wasn't as hard as what you are experiencing but I can say that it definitely has gotten better over the two years that I have lived here.<br><br>
I know know it frustrating and overwhelming to learn a new language, but if you live in Mexico, you have to learn at least some basic Spanish. Find a nice young lady to teach English in exchange for housework or childcare. Or just force yourself to go out and interact with your community in whatever way that seems appealing...<br><br>
I hope these ideas can help and just keep the faith that you can be happy living abroad. It builds character<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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I can completely sympathize w u. I am American, but my husband is from Africa and for the first 4 times I visited (month + trips) I found it very difficult to relax b/c I was uncomfortable like you. Don't expect to assimilate overnight, it's OK to get pissy when things annoy you, and most important, TALK/complain to your husband. We had the same water situation and we solved it by installing an electric water heater so i wouldnt have to "prepare" to shower. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:<br><br>
As hard as it is to imagine, you will get used to it.<br><br>
When you feel up to it, try to make some Mexican girl friends and make the best of it!
 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
I'm not sure how much longer to give it here. DP is not trying to fix anything to make it better for me. He talks about it but doesnt do it. Lack of money is a huge factor too. I've talked about the hot water several different times and he says oh the water doesnt even bother him anymore. Hello!!!! The kids wont even take a bath or shower because it's to cold. I'm not sure if i'm looking for ways out of this or i truely am not getting used to it like everyone thinks i should be. Is it me that is not letting go and moving on or is it that i truely have given it my all and cant take it anymore?
 

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Im sorry you are going through this. You certainly have a right to feel the way you do.<br><br>
You grew up in one culture and it's not like you can switch to another overnight. And it's especially harder to adjust to such major inconveniences as hot water. IMHO, you have your rights to complain till your blue in the face, that's just not something that is compromisable or that can be "put on the back burner". I mean, it doesn't bother him because, HELLO! he grew up that way!<br><br>
I would keep complaining to him. If he doesn't want to hear it he can do 1 of 2 things: Fix it or listen to you complain indefinitely.<br><br>
Or you can do what I do when I'm really pouting...withhold DTD. Tell him you hate using the COLD water to clean your hoo-hoo afterwards! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/FIREdevil.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="devil">
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Oh that is too funny. Cold water on a whohaaa just ruins it...kwim?
 

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Yes, it totally kills the euphoria!
 

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MTTWP, bless your heart! Sounds like it absolutely suxors. I have been in miserable latinamerican sitches like that (not currently) and it's no fun--esp. with no money, no way to get out, and pregnant. Hooo boy, you deserve some serious pampering.
 

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I've been on the Preggers thread so much I've forgotten to stop by Mexico!<br>
My heart really goes out to your situation. It can be so very isolating living as an expat. I was preggers with dd (she's 3.5) when we moved here and it has been a slow process building community. I've been in big slumps where I just wanted to move to the states--agh!!--and then I would find some hope and just keep truckin'. But if your partner isn't supportive it can make it all the more difficult! Dh grew up here so he is bicultural, and even though doesn't get the expat feeling, he is very supportive.<br><br>
I don't have any advice but just a big hug to you!!! Keep posting.
 

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i´m mexican, have lived 28years away from my country and i just got back...i also feel like an outsider but canhelp if you need anything!
 

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When me and my mexican hubby first moved to Mexico, we lived in a similar way to the way you described. No cold water, and I actually had to take my showers outside in the back patio with a bucket of water. We were living with his mom in this super tiny house. After 3 months of this I said, "enough". I took matters into my own hands and found a house to rent. I also got a job teaching english and made some friends like that. However, back then I didn't have any children yet. Now, I have a 3 year old and am 7 months pregnant.<br>
I said if we have to live in Mexico we are going to live as comfortably as I need to be. I didn't want to sacrifice anything anymore. I got sick of eating tacos all the time and wanted an oven to make lasagna, for example! I basically told my husband, take it or leave it! I want the conveniences that I am used to. It's bloody well hard enough moving to another country to begin with. Why the hell can't i have hot water!?<br>
Tell him you are not happy and you are already making tons of sacrifices. Things need to change or you're gonna feel worse....like I did.
 

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Discussion Starter · #16 ·
I havent checked this thread in awhile. Oh it feels so good to hear other mama's have been through what i am going through. I am back in the US right now, drove back with my 3 kiddo's and 8 months prego's in my SUV. I'm having the baby here at home in NC. And will probably go back to MX once baby gets here and a few months have gone by. DP knows that things have to change before i can come back. I just hope that he is motivated enough to make some changes while we are gone. Things have to change for me to go back. I would love to live somewhere else, or at least have our own place. Like someone else said...you got tired of eating taco's....oh i can so relate..so so much. Or pollo asada or carnitas....no no no more any time soon. Right before i left, i started to feel bad that i was so whinney, but yall i can only handle so much and i've had it. Life has to get better in MX.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mamato3wild ponnie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/11852109"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Right before i left, i started to feel bad that i was so whinney, but yall i can only handle so much and i've had it. Life has to get better in MX.</div>
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Don't feel bad- you have your rights, momma. I'm glad you were able to stand your ground and hope things improve for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Here's wishing you a good delivery!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/goodvibes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Goodvibes">:
 

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Living in Mexico can be great if you live in a nice place and have the basics you are used to at home.<br>
I've lived here for 5 years and miss Canada sometimes, but basically we have all I could want here. Don't feel bad or think you are being wimpy for not liking your life in Mexico.<br>
Hope you have a good delivery. I'm due soon, too, but am having the baby here in Mexico.
 

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Discussion Starter · #19 ·
What area do you live in MX V? The area where we were in MX...Cd. Valles SLP.... was so c-section happy that i had a hard time finding a midife...actually could not find one for a home birth. Everyone told me i was crazy for wanting a homebirth. Did find a OB and i asked if he would deliver my baby and the first word out of his mouth was...si si..c-section....hello...no i want a natural delivery. Plus not knowing spanish...i refuse to step foot into a hospital where i could not speak up. Just going to a doc was frustrating as DP didnt know how to translate everything the doc was telling him to me. I would cry every time we went to the doc. Because i didnt understand and DP didnt know the english to translate back to me. He knows english but big medical terms he doesnt know. So for my sanity i'm here in NC having my homebirth....even though DP is not here i will be surrounded with wonderful friends and family.
 

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Hey, Mamato3wildponnie. Well, I speak spanish so I didn't have a hard time with my doctor. But, during my first pregnancy I switched doctors alot coz I always found something i didn't like about them. I ended up having a c-section due to high-blood pressure and swelling. I'm having another c-section, but this doc told me I could try for a natural birth, but he told me there would be risks...which I won't take.<br>
I met a girl here a few years ago (expat) who gave birth at her home in the tub....so I guess there are midwives and such in the Puerto Vallarta area where I live.<br>
I wish I had my friends and family by my side during the birth, though. But my hubby will be there so it'll be fine. Keep in touch.<br>
I actually really like the medical system here. I even go to the Seguro Social (public hospital) and they take good care of me. They are very punctual with their appointments...usually.
 
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