Mothering Forum banner

1 - 11 of 11 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
101 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Hi Mamas--<br><br>
I am in a state of shock, I don't know how to begin.<br><br>
Yesterday I had some mild cramping and the some faint brown discharge. I called the midwives, had a u/s set up for later and went to the hospital for that.<br>
After the u/s yesterday they told me the baby looked fine, the heartbeat was fine, etc. Then, early this morning I woke up to horrible cramps, huge clots and lots of blood. I am so sad. I am beside myself, I never thought I would have to deal with this. I guess I felt too confident as I don't have a history of m/c.<br><br>
I've told everyone I know, and don't know, in my excitement. I went and bought maternity clothes. I put all my regular stuff away. I had every symptom. My tummy actually expanded three inches! How could I feel so pregnant and just suddenly lose it?!<br><br>
How do we explain this to our daughter? She is so excited! She kisses my belly all the time and talks to "the baby" like it's here. I don't want to scare her.<br><br>
I am supposed to be starting an internship and residency in September at a hospital on the maternity floor. I have been studying to be a lactation consultant and these are my final clinical hours. How am I going to be around all those new babies?<br><br>
What lesson is in this for me? I am so sad!!!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,924 Posts
<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> mama. It stinks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
954 Posts
I am so sorry this has to happen to you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
It is indeed shocking, when such a thing happens... the only "lesson" is that Life is so unpredictable, fragile, and sometimes, absolutely stinks. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
I am so sorry. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,578 Posts
I'm not sure there is much of a lesson in this. Sometimes bad stuff happens. And it really, really sucks.<br><br>
I think when it comes to telling LOs that they are remarkably aware of what is going on. Just gently explain and answer her questions. She'll probably be worried about you.<br><br>
Try not to worry about September just yet. It is a long ways off. One day at a time for now.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,781 Posts
I'm so sorry. I really feel for you and I also relate.<br><br>
I had no histroy of m/c either and was already at 14 weeks when our baby passed away. It was such a shock. I'd been crowing to anyone who would listen that I "had 3 daughters" and "was mama of four." Even during the app't when I discovered that Reese was gone, I'd been telling the receptionist how happy I was to have 3 daughters.<br><br>
Initially, I felt like maybe my loss happened because I was too proud, too boastful and not aware enough of how fragile life really is (I'm not suggesting you were like this at all -- just that it was my personal reaction). Ultimately though, I think tragic things just happen and our loss had nothing to do with how confident and clueless I was.<br><br>
Anyway, I relate to being totally caught off guard and devastated and my heart goes out to you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,214 Posts
Did you check again with the midwives? While it does sound like a miscarriage, there are a few rare possible reasons for bleeding cramping and clotting in a pregnancy. I don't at all want to hold out false hope for you, but if you haven't gotten checked again, I would wait before making decisions.<br><br>
If you have already and know that you miscarried, than I'm so sorry for your loss. Explain carefully to your DD and expect her to be sad, there are some good kids books about losing a baby, you can do an Amazon search if you decide you need help, or ask your librarian. Let September wait til September.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
325 Posts
I am really sorry you are going through this. We recently loss our little one at almost 17 weeks. It was really hard to explain to my 4 year old daughter, who was also really excited. She did ask a lot of tough questions and was worried for a few days but moved on from everything very quickly.<br><br>
Hugs Mama.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
101 Posts
Discussion Starter · #9 ·
Hi Mamas--<br><br>
Thanks so much for your wonderful support and sweet words<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">, it's really been nice to come here and feel understood. DH is so sad too but as he has different "equipment", he is grieving very differently.<br><br>
We told dd earlier and I used a gardening analogy which seemed to work well. We have a huge garden and a flock of bantam chickens so I said, " You know how sometimes a hen lays some eggs but not all of them end up hatching? Or you know when we plant baby seedlings, most grow beautifully but sometimes one just can't seem to make it and we don't understand why?" Anyway, she seems to sort of get it and be okay but confused. I'm sure it's all very abstract to her.<br><br>
I went to my midwife today and had blood drawn to check my levels. Have to go back Thursday for a follow up. We'll see...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug">. At this point I feel numb. We are going to Chicago for a week to visit my parents on Saturday, it'll be good to be outa here for a while. I was all excited to go this AP store there that has lots of cool cloth diapering stuff and slings, etc. I need to go cry again....<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:. I know I'll be better in time but this journey sucks.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,781 Posts
I really like your chicken analogy. I wish I'd thought of something like that when trying to explain this to our children.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> This journey DOES suck, doesn't it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,029 Posts
I love your gardening analogy. I think that's a beautiful way to explain it. One of our m/c was far enough along (19w) that we had already told our boys. The younger one was really too little to understand, but the older one (4.5yo at the time) understood. He cried and was sad for a while. Every so often he'll say something like, I hope you have another baby someday and that one doesn't die," or "Hey, if that baby didn't die, there would be 3 of us in the back seat now." It just breaks my heart, but I'm kind of glad he remembers. He's not sad or upset when he brings it up now.<br><br>
I will be praying for peace for you. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 
1 - 11 of 11 Posts
Top