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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Is there anything about adding a second child to your family that makes you slightly nervous??<br><br>
For me there are 3 things.<br><br>
1) nighttime-- My son doesn't sleep that well and I'm afraid of having 2 nightwakers (even though lasat night he slept all night!!)<br><br>
2) getting them in and out of the car-- I'm always on the go and getting them in and out of the car alone makes me nervous. I know at this point that if I were to get Tracy out he wouldn't stay beside me to get out the baby. So, I'm not sure how it will work<br><br>
3) I forgot....so maybe I'm not nervous about it.....
 

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here's a solution for the car thing: get the baby out and secure him/her in whatever (sling, front pack, stroller) and then get tracy out and either strap him into the stroller or get a death grip on his hand!<br><br>
maybe god will bless you with a second child who LOVES to sleep!
 

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It's Our Family, I have the very same worries. In addition to many others that come and go. Yesterday it suddenly hit me that I'll soon be a mother to two children. (Yeah, I'm 37 weeks pregnant--I catch on pretty quick, huh? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> ) It feels so strange for me, although it feels really natural too.<br><br>
Other concerns:<br><br>
Balancing everything. Giving both children the love and attention they need, meeting the needs of two small people instead of one, and then in addition meeting the needs of my husband and myself.<br><br>
And housework. My house is a mess right now--how will I keep up when the baby is actually out? To my credit though, picking things up off the floor with a big belly is a challenge...
 

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I'm also a bit concerned about nighttime, but more getting the kids to bed. DH and I talked about it, and he's going to try getting dd to bed (so when the baby arrives, I can take care of the baby and he can take care of dd). Nightwaking might be a concern too, but I'm more thinking about the baby waking up dd and then everyone would be up and we would have to get them back down again. If baby wakes dd, I'm thinking maybe dh and dd can sleep in the other bedroom and baby and I can sleep in the other one.<br><br>
The car thing, hmm I didn't even think about this one. I always tell dd to "touch the car" when I'm getting her out of the car. So thats what I'm planning to do with getting them in and out of cars.<br><br>
As for balancing everything, I think we're going to hire a nanny(~15hrs/week) to help out the inital 3-6 months until I get some kind of routine down. I've talked to a few moms with 2 kids and the ones with help just sounded a lot more relaxed. It would be important for me to be able to spend one-on-one time with dd and the baby. So we're going to save up for the nanny. DD is also in preschool 2 days a week, so I would be spending some individual time with baby too.
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
This is the strange thing. I know that he isn't a newborn but I babysit a 20 month old plus I have my 16 monh old. Well, I actualy get 3x the housework with 2 around the house than just my own!<br><br>
My days are a lot more productive for the most part....except when we have days where all they do is fight <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> (Wednesday and today are those kinda days)
 

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Ok, this sounds weird...but I am afraid I will not give both of them the attention they deserve and I am afraid my DS #1 will feel ignored. I am VERY close with my little guy and am afraid with a new one I won't have enough love to go around. I know it will work out and many moms of 2 or more feel this way, but I wish I didn't.<br><br>
I feel almost overprotective of DS #1 or something...really rather odd.....<br><br>
With that said, that's all I'm nervous about..
 

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Dallaschildren - my mom used to tell me that she had the same worries when she was pregnant with my little sister. She felt really guilty because she was positive that she would never be able to love another person as much as she loved me. Of course she did love my sister just as much, and was surprised at how different her relationship was with each of us. Not better or worse, just different.<br><br>
Anyway, I have had the same feeling you described. I'm not even pregnant yet, but I have told dh that the thought of having another child almost make me feel like I'm cheating on ds!
 

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I already have two (they are 20 months apart almost to the day) and I can tell you a little bit about my experience, if it helps.<br><br>
I was very worried about the logistics of everything (running errands and such) and it was a bit to get used to. But i did, just like making the switch from no kids to one. I would secure Jade in the cart or stroller, then get Chan out of the car. And i would just try to really plan ahead to make trips out run as smoothly as possible.<br><br>
As for giving Jade the same amount of attention, it just happened i think. She loved Chan from day 1, and was very involved. . .when I would nurse, she would sit beside me and "nurse" her baby, she would bring me diapers, etc. She was too young to explain the situation ahead of time, so we had to wing it. It's been great. They play together now, and hug all the time, and Jade tells me how much she loves her "brudder" and that he's the best buddy in the whole world.<br><br>
I have a friend who has an in-home day care, and i took Jade there frequently the first few weeks. We don't have family near, and Jeff had a tough time taking much time off work. Nowadays, I still take them to day care one day a week or so, for errands, haircuts, appts, etc.<br><br>
Now, what am i going to do when #3 comes along??? Jade will be almost exactly 3 1/2, and Chan will almost exactly 2 months shy of 2 years old.
 

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1. Yes, the love issue! I know it's silly, but I have said the same thing to my DH with regard to feeling like I am cheating on my DS. I watch him in the morning sleeping beside me and I am so full that I ache with the thought of trying to split that love between two. I know that it will work itself out, but this pregnancy is sort of bittersweet for me in that respect.<br><br>
2. I work and unfortunately I need to work to provide for my family. It is very difficult with one, and I am sure that it will be even harder with two. I worry that my second child will suffer even more than DS has already had to (my perception, he shows no signs of suffering) from my struggle to balance work and family life. It is very hard to find the perfect childcare situation, especially when you have two different ages to accommodate.<br><br>
Of course, I worry about all the details too, but these are the ones that keep me up at night.
 

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My first two are 6 1/2 years apart so I didn't really have many issues to deal with there. My oldest was a little "mommy", always wanting to do things for the baby, hold her, change her, get things for her, etc. My second will be 2 1/2 when the new baby is born so I've been stressing on alot of these issues lately. DD still sleeps mainly with us - trying to move her to her own bed has really been a struggle. She still wakes at night - mommy will never get another good night sleep I fear. I'm at home with her so she is completely attached to me, that's my biggest fear, that she will feel abandoned or in competition with the new baby. I've already decided that I'm not going to do many errands alone for awhile until I really get the knack of it. Someone mentioned that they tell their toddler to hold the car - I do that with mine too, works well until the summer heat hits and it's 100+ outside and the car is horrendously hot. I like the idea of getting the baby out and secured first though..... I'll keep that one in mind. I didn't struggle with the "will there be enough love to go around" thing when my second was born, so I don't worry too much about that. I know already that my relationship with each of my girls will be different. And housework.....we just won't go there. It's a mess now, it was a mess before dd was born, it will be a mess after the baby is born. I figure I'll have plenty of time to have a clean house after the kids have grown up, for now we play and have a good ol time messing things up<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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I actually thought that adding my second son was much easier than I was expecting, and I am out and about a lot!!! Most of my friends had their seconds just before I had mine, so I was able to watch and learn.<br><br>
The thing that helped me the most was the sling. I was able to put the baby in it and totally focus on my two year old. That way he didn't feel like the baby came first. I could nurse in the sling while we were at home or out and about. With ds2 in the sling my ds1 couldn't even see him and didn't feel like he had been replaced.<br><br>
As far as the logistics goes, I bought an inexpensive double stroller that was easy to steer. Some of the big ones like the duo glider are difficult to stear one handed, but mine was pretty easy. I tried a lot of them with my ds sitting in the front before my second arrived to make sure that I could push them one handed if necessary. If both kids are in the stroller, the baby is in the back at first (cause it is the seat that lays down) and having a heavy kid in the front makes it difficult to steer.<br><br>
Seldom were both kids in the stroller, but when we would get somewhere I would get my older child out of the car and load him in the front of the stroller and then get the baby out and in the sling. That way I didn't have to help the older child out of the car with the baby in the sling. That could get tough if I had to lift the older one out. Many times the stroller only held my stuff, but it was a lifesaver to have if needed. I never felt bad pushing my kids in the stroller as long as they were enjoying it. That doesn't make me non AP. Of course there were also times that the older one was strapped into the stroller while not happy, but it was usually during a tantrum while heading to the car. There's only so much you can do.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:<br><br>
For me, getting out of the house saved my sanity. If I had stayed home all the time I would have gone nuts.
 

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My ds will be 3.6 years old when this baby is born at the beginning of April. My concerns are:<br><br>
1) Making time to give the right amount of attention to two children and my full time job as a teacher<br><br>
2) Coping with potential jealousy of ds, especially at night when cosleeping with both of them<br><br>
3) Dealing with ds's occasional physical agression around a baby (he does occasionally still torment the dog!)
 

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Something I forgot to mention in my previous post on this thread relevant to the jealousy issue. . .<br><br>
at our first appt with mw, dh asked about siblings being present. Of course it is totally up to us, but one thing she said was that for some people having the sibs present can help with jealousy issues. If the sibs actually see baby crown and be born, WOW, they sure love mom, and this baby came from mom, so i really love this baby too.
 

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I am nervous about a lot of things. Mainly:<br><br>
1. Night time. Where is everyone going to sleep? We don't sleep well with all 3 of us in the bed but won't have room for a twin with the crib in the room. I also am worried about the baby waking DS up every time, but I won't to put him in his own room.<br><br>
2. Weaning DS. I don't want to tandem nurse and want him to learn to fall asleep on his own but am dreading the process. He is still so young and I was planning on nursing him for at least 18 months. I'm going to start working towards weaning during the second trimester.<br><br>
3. Going out with 2 kids. Right now I can pretty much go anywhere as DS is a very happy boy and is usually well behaved. I won't have the freedom that I do now. I really dread going to the grocery store with 2.<br><br>
4. Leaving DS while I am in the hospital. Right now he is babysat by my mom but never for more than 2 hours. I'll start getting him used to longer stints but I don't want to leave him over night. Right now I plan on having him in the hospital at night but that might be crazy. Or else I'll have DH stay with him at home over night.<br><br>
I could go on much longer but I'll start crying so I'm gonna end this now.
 

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Discussion Starter · #15 ·
The other thing I forgot...teething! That may sound really silly but ds screamed for 18 hours with his first tooth and I really don't want to do that again!!<br><br>
I'm also worried about ds staying with someone else...I know he'll spend the whole time in tears...at least as of now...hopefully by then it might be different.<br><br>
I never really thought about the whole jealousy thing....
 

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well, I was pretty concerned about sibling issues at the start of this pregnancy, but as the time goes by I just get more and more of a good feeliing about it all.<br><br>
about the sleep issues....I was worried about this at first, but not anymore. My son still cosleeps and at first I thought that he would have to learn to sleep in his own bed because I didn't want the baby waking him up all the time. THEN he weaned (at 27 months old) and he went from being the world's lightest sleeper to being one of the heaviest I know almost overnight. I really don't think that the baby will be waking him up at all. Nothing could wake this kid up now!!! We have a king size bed and our crib is sort of a sidecar on that, so space is not an issue. Soooooo, even if they are light sleepers now, I would say that these siblings-to-be may surprise you yet!<br><br>
The double stroller/trips out and about thing has me a bit concerned, but I'll do whatever makes everybody happy. There was a double stroller thread this week (was it here or on the toddler board? I can't remember) which helped a lot.<br><br>
sending everybody happy -getting-along-fabulously- sibling vibes,<br>
Laura <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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My biggest worry right now is that DS was such a 'routine' baby, he took regular naps morning and night, and got really stressed if things didn't go according to plan. If this baby is like that, how do I meet his/her needs and still get my toddler out to the activities that he loves? We go to playgroup once or twice a week, Kindermusik, and swim lessons. Will she/he develop a routine around his? Or will it stress her out and make us all miserable to be out?<br>
Two other things, DS still nurses a little, and I'm wondering how that will play out once the baby is born. I'm ok with his nursing now, its usually just twice a day, but if he wants to nurse more once my milk comes in I think that will be hard.<br><br>
The other thing is that the birth went so well with DS, and he was always such a healthy little guy, I'm just sure that things can't go as well this time around.<br><br>
Worry worry worry!<br>
Steph
 

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This is our last weekend before the baby comes, and I am so aware of it--I keep looking at dd thinking about how things will change for her. I'm not worried about logistics-that will all sort itself out in time, but I am a little sad about what dd and I will lose, and am very sentimental about our wonderful three years alone together. But of course I'm also very much aware of how much joy having a sister will bring her!
 

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i_o_f - I'm afraid of no sleep. #1 is a terrible sleeper and was colicky. If I can have a better sleeper and less colic, I *think* I can handle this.<br><br>
Have you seen this thread:<br><br><a href="http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?s=&threadid=85586" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...threadid=85586</a>
 

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I am sad that i know my relationship w/AJ (3) will change... for the past three years its been him and me against the world... we are the best playmates, and he is soooo loving, and polite, and helpful, and a pain in the ass, and a terror!! haha... but he and I won't be he and I anymore, now it will be he, I and the other!
 
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