[AmieV]

Ok, I am a few weeks out from having our second baby. They will be a little over 18 months apart

: . I know it's going to be hard. What I'm asking for is all that unsolicited advice that you've been itching to give...what did you wish you knew about having 2? What hints and tricks do you have to pass along?

and mostly, try not to scare me TOO much. I'm pretty scared already.

 

[JkFelix]

Hi,

My two older kids are 14 months apart and it was fine! I don't have too much advice except don't worry, you will get into a groove and it will all work out!

 

[Mama Poot]

I just had my 2nd two weeks ago. My boys are just under a year apart. Be prepared for anything. My 1yo threw fits for a few days but he is back to his old self now. But seriously just prepare yourself for the impossible- its likely to happen.

 

[turtlemama77]

I'm a month into it, and we're surviving! dd and ds are 18 months apart. I have a babe in arms right now, so feel free to PM me with any questions!!

 

[lisap]

nak

i would suggest to spend some one on one time with your older dc. i nurse ds and then give him to dh so i can have alone time with dd. when she starts acting out i know we have gone too long without some fun time alone. it also helps to let the older dc feel like they are helping with the new babe. good luck, it will be fine!

 

[CEG]

My two are about 18 mo apart and are now about 2.5 and 9 mo. It took me a few weeks to settle into a groove, but once you get it, you're fine. Going out with two was terrifying for awhile- I was afraid I would pay too much attention to one and something would happen to the other.

It really hasn't been that difficult. Now that DS is crawling and getting into DDs things it adds another dimension, but it really isn't difficult. And it is soooo cute when they play together.

You just need to get over those first few days of disorganization until you find your groove. Good luck!

 

[Party*of*5]

Some of it is just individual. You will all react in your own way, you, the baby, your toddler, dad. It should be fine. Mine were 2yrs and 1 day apart. I had a postpartum doula come in for the first two weeks. I would recommend babywearing as one of the most important aspects of being able to fullfil requests for sippy cups and snacks while dealing with hold me, nurse me, don't put me down or I'll scream newborn

 

[flapjack]

Get out of the house as much as possible as soon as you are able. Baby will sleep in a sling or a buggy, and that way dc1 can have their old life back.

Really, close age gaps are awesome once you have a few years down the line: and although I know you don't believe me now, 18mo are much easier to deal with than 3yos.

 

[~*max*~]

My four kids are all 1.5 - 2 years apart, and it is awesome! I love having them this close together. There is so much they can share, not just material things, but experiences, activities, etc.

Please don't worry about it too much. Try to just go with it and enjoy this special time. Your kids will let you know what they need. And don't forget to take good care of yourself too. "If mama ain't happy, no one's happy!"

 

[AmieV]

Wow!! Thank you for all of the positive insight...it seems like just about everyone I know (especially my mom) has this whole attitude of "you don't know what you're in for....you're crazy...it's going to be horrible and hard". DH and I are excited and thrilled, but honestly everyone else's commentary has really negatively shadowed the pregnancy to the point where sometimes I think I've been more anxious than happy whereas I NEVER felt like that with my DD. I feel bad that this baby got the shaft in that respect. Lately I've really been focusing on the positive, that I'm going to have another baby that I love every bit as much as my daughter...when that fact has really been ignored by a lot of people in my life. DH and I have had a lot of conversations about being laid back and just rolling with the craziness, staying positive and doing what works vs. trying to follow what you're "supposed" to do. Anyway, hearing other people say that it's great makes me feel so much better.

p.s. I am more worried about when they're 2 and 3 than the newborn/18month old combination...that seems like it's going to be dicey!!

 

[~*max*~]

Amie, it's like when you are pregnant & everyone tells you their horror stories. You just have to put your mommy-filters on & let it all roll by. You & your dh have a great outlook on it all. Don't let others bring you down. You know it will be great, and it will.

BTW, ages 2 and 3 are lots of fun! Really truly.

 

[mbhf]

my first two are 22 months apart, and are now 17 months and 3, and i'm due in november with # 3.

i love the spacing, i think it's perfect. yes, there are times when it's hard, but overall it's great. and honestly, i think it's easier now than it was when they were younger. they play together so much, and they get along really well. i have so much more personal freedom now than i did when my first was 17 months, because they are so much more interested in eachother than they are in me.

 

[Montessori Mommy]

my girls are 18 months apart too. They are now 3 and 4 (soon to be 5). In the beginning, it was all about schedule. We were pretty lax with our first and let her schedule dictate ours. Once #2 came along, I needed a little more order to stay sane and make sure I had enough quality time with them individually. When the new baby would take a nap, for instance, I would read or play with my older one. The hardest part for me was have 2 car seats and 2 little ones when we went out places. If they both fell asleep in the car, I made two trips carrying them into their beds, and then another few trips to get groceries in. It was a little tough at first, but it went pretty well and now it's almost easier having 2 than one. They interact and entertain and nurture each other. They have quite a special bond. I was so worried when I was pregnant that I couldn't possibly love my second as much as my first, but it was never an issue once she arrived. I love them both with all my heart for their own special reasons. I was also concerned that my older would be jealous and how would I handle that, but she was just as nurturing and lovely as could be to her baby sister.

 

[Justmee]

Rivka is 17 months younger than the twins, so I had 3 under 1.5 for a month. There are lots of great things about it. My kids napped together (sometiems) and gave me some time. They all go to bed fairly early so I get a break. The baby sleeps a lot in the beginning and I had a lot of time w/ my big girls. Now that Rivka is 13 months old they are really starting to play together. Oh, and they weren't jealous at all. I was shocked. One adored the baby from the start and the other was wary, but NO agression until recently, and then it's just when she is into their stuff, and it's only Rena. Nechama is still in totally in love with her, never a hint of aggression.

 

[Juliwan]

Amie:

The thing I didn't count on after dd#2 was born was the guilt. What a total shocker. I felt like I had taken something really important away from dd#1 (100% of my attention) and that was so hard. I felt just awful, like I had made a huge mistake by having another child. It was also hard to watch dd#1 "process" what was going on - I could almost feel her hurt - that nearly killed me.

However, it's been two months now, and I am so happy with my two girls. DD#1 has coped very well...after the first couple of weeks, she was petting dd#2 telling her she loved her, that she was a "soft baby sister". Now she calls her by name, tells her "good morning", "good night", gives her lots of kisses and hugs, and seems back to her old self.

Just remember: your two children will grow up loving and caring for one another. They will share a very special bond. Remembering this helped me get through the guilt I had. There will come a time when they don't really need me like they do now, but they will need each other!

Sometimes I still feel a little guilty when I can't get to dd#1 as soon as possible when she falls or needs a diaper change, but in the end it all works out and I believe that my girls will know that I love them both equally.

The other posters are right...try to get dc#1 involved with diaper changes, etc. Good luck to you!

 

[fourgrtkidos]

My two middle children are close together like yours will be.

Having them so close was difficult in some ways, I was busy. But, I just stayed in Mommy zone. My life revolved around their schedule and breastfeeding (I tandem nursed) and I did not guilt myself about the house, not working outside my home and JUST ENJOYED MY KIDS!

They played together and now they are 7yo and 9yo, they are built in best friend play mates, and we can pass down clothes, toys, hair stuff, share a room.

If I could do it over again, all my kids would be close in age. The two kids on either end are like only children and have to be entertained, etc.

HAVE FUN MAMMA!!!

 

[Yin Yang]

I have a 3 weeks old and 3 year old and it's MUCH easier this time then it was the frist time with only one! But they are 3 years apart. I think big role pays older siblings personality. My DS1 is genuinly happy to have a little brother! He really LOVES him, but he has the greatest loving, giving personality, so I could not wish better.
I am not sure how he'd do if they were 18 months apart though.

 

[JennP]

Not to rain on your parade...but the one thing I missed was sleeping with dd. I wasn't sleeping with her much since she was in her own room own bed and such but I did miss laying down with her. Seems the baby needed so much more time. With that said the best resolution would have been to get dh to help more, he is not a very good baby dad. He likes them when they can tell him what is wrong. He is great with dd now.

The other thing was that we had just got dd into underpants and with that comes toilet time and it was time to go every time I sat down to nurse ds. It was annoying but we have gotten through it.

All that said it is priceless when ds coos, smiles and talks to dd who is a natural TV for him. He is lost when she is visiting Gma. DD also likes to teach ds, like when we were in the car and Wheels on the Bus was playing and she was teaching him how to 'dance' and he was watching her wiggle in her car seat. They love each other so much!

If there is a bad day, and there will be just remember 'this too shall pass' take time to enjoy everyone on their own and things will be just fine.

JennP