[meowee]

I've wanted to start this tribe for a while, just so I can identify "us" on the board.

Are there other mamas out there who have been and still are outcasts their whole lives, never fitting in anywhere (even with the other outcasts :LOL ). Like a perpetual "lone wolf?"

I have never fit in anywhere- ever-- I was teased and bullied in school, and even when I wasn't, I never belonged to any group. I would have a few close friends here and there, but nothing beyond that in the social spectrum.

Even now I am the freak of the street. Even if I had my kids in school (I homeschool), even if I were mainstream (I am crispy/ crunchy), I would still be the weirdo mommy on the block. Don't ask me how this happens. I am pretty normal looking. I don't wear strange clothes. But as soon as I open my mouth or even breath around a group of people, it's like I'm automatically kicked out of whatever social structure is there.

Anyone else??

By this point I enjoy being an outcast (do I have a choice?)... so name yourselves!

 

[FroNuff]

Yup, another outcast here, sort of. I'm currently trying to decide if I really am an outcast or is it just my perception of myself that gets in the way, or maybe even a mix of both. I'm thinking a mix of both.

I'd like to come back to this thread later when I have more time!

 

[Mizelenius]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom2AliKat Yup, another outcast here, sort of. I'm currently trying to decide if I really am an outcast or is it just my perception of myself that gets in the way, or maybe even a mix of both. I'm thinking a mix of both. I'd like to come back to this thread later when I have more time!

I feel like I "know" you from our conversations online. If we lived near each other I'd love to hang out with you. I just can't imagine you being an outcast.

 

[FroNuff]

Thanks, Elena. That makes me feel really good, actually.

Here's where I feel like an outcast: I can have a decent conversation with someone online, but when I meet someone in person, I can't get it together. I seem to have some social abnormality where I have trouble making conversation because I stumble over my words and I never know what to say. I find myself either overdoing the friendliness or not being friendly enough

In my family, I'm the "different" one, in my neighborhood I'm the oddball, and growing up in school I was a bit different than the other kids. There are a laundry list of reasons why I didn't quite fit in when I was a kid, but those shouldn't exist now that I'm an adult.

Sometimes I like being an oddball, too, but sometimes it seems like it would be FAR easier to fit in with someone/something most of the time.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mizelenius I just can't imagine you being an outcast.

hey, what's wrong with being an outcast?

yes, mom2, I am the same way. No matter what I say it comes out "weird." I can see in people's faces how they react to me. When I talk to my neighbors I have to talk very slowly and use one or two syllable words so they understand me. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked if I'm from another country. :LOL

 

[onlyzombiecat]

Pretty much. It is something about me I guess, even as a child I had trouble fitting in.
Even when I have been with a group I always felt I was different.

 

[Jasmyn's Mum]

Outcast here. Yep...always have felt that way since I was a child. Different from my family, I was different in school, always different. I think I look normal. I don't know what it is. I have to admit though that I hate it. I find it lonely and frustrating. I have a hard time connecting with others. Anybody else?

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jasmyn's Mum Outcast here. Yep...always have felt that way since I was a child. Different from my family, I was different in school, always different. I think I look normal. I don't know what it is. I have to admit though that I hate it. I find it lonely and frustrating. I have a hard time connecting with others. Anybody else?

I don't hate it-- but it is lonely and frustrating. I guess it helps that DH is also a total weirdo/ outcast but he has the ability to put on the charm when needed. I lack that ability. I'm lucky in that I have a few people I can connect with-- very few though.

So all you outcast mamas-- is your whole family sort of outcast-ish? Are you the "Munsters" of the block/ neighborhood? We are!

 

[Mizelenius]

Quote:

Originally Posted by meowee hey, what's wrong with being an outcast?

By my definition it would mean not connecting to people, and I feel I can connect easily with Mom2AliKat . . .

Using my definition of connectedness (and maybe I'm using the wrong definition for "outcast") I think I am an outcast, too, in general. But, like you, meowee, I always have a few, close friends (never a big group) and I guess that's usually enough for me. Sometimes I do wish I had more mainstream thinking, but then I realize that even many mainstream thinkers place more importance on fitting in versus being true to themselves . . .so who knows who they really are.

Not sure if any of this made sense. I'm so zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

 

[FroNuff]

Quote:

I just can't imagine you being an outcast.

Quote:

hey, what's wrong with being an outcast?

I don't think Elena meant there was anything wrong with being an outcast; we know each other outside of MDC, from another board, so she knows me a bit better than most folks here.

Quote:

Originally Posted by meowee So all you outcast mamas-- is your whole family sort of outcast-ish? Are you the "Munsters" of the block/ neighborhood? We are!

I wouldn't say my family is outcash-ish, but we're just different. Part of it stems from being multiracial and another part is because DH and I are both introverts who make it clear that we are private people.

My family of origin is definitely NOT outcast-ish, though. Outsiders seem to really enjoy being with them and they know how to "do" the social thing. Guess that's why I'm out of place with them.

Meowee, if you don't mind me asking, what specific things make you an outcast? Actually, that question is open to anyone, but for some reason, I'm especially curious about meowee's answer. I'm wondering if it's some basic trait that makes us all different.

 

[MotherEarthMom]

I pretty much a outcast and like it that way.I am more introverted and like to be alone,I am also a older mother at 41 and really have nothing in common with the younger moms here,and I am into organic living and health,so that is uncommon here also.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mom2AliKat Meowee, if you don't mind me asking, what specific things make you an outcast? Actually, that question is open to anyone, but for some reason, I'm especially curious about meowee's answer. I'm wondering if it's some basic trait that makes us all different.

All I can say is, that even when I think I'm being extremely normal, and saying extremely normal things, people react as though I were saying very strange and surprising things. I must lack an ability to read and react to certain social cues in a "normal" way.

I've always been fascinated by wildlife shows that show pack animals, and how a pack will invariably reject a certain member, often for no obvious reason. When I see that one animal, I always think, "Hey, that's me!"

Sometimes the animal who is kicked out ends up starting their own pack and taking over.

 

[tsume]

Wow, a place where I belong! I know why I'm an outcast - I don't want to let people in. I went through some abuse at home as a child and then later as a teen and I never felt comfortable enough to have deep friendships because I was embarrased by my homelife. I'm very social by nature, but tend to come across as quiet, shy or introverted and old habits die hard because I still pull back from a new friendship. I won't let them get too close.

My husband is a very introverted person and says he's socially retarded. He was diagnosed with ADD/ADHD a couple years back and counseling has helped him in social situations. To be perfectly honest I haven't totally opened myself to dh, and it's not because I don't want to, but because I really don't know how.

But then I don't fit into a particular mold either. I find internet friends easier to make (I'm on 2 mom message boards). I tell dh that I want real honest to goodness 2 AM friends.

eta: dh and I've been married over 5 years and boychik is 3 1/2 and nursling fae is 21 months

 

[crunchy_mama]

another freak, dh and I are the family black sheep on both sides! I have found people I get along with, but am still always different. Everything always comes out wrong like the other day I was telling my birth story to an acquaintance couple- and talked about how I was naked all through labor and birth- they looked at me like I had 2 heads- I tried to discuss how you lose your modesty, but only made it worse- note to self, do not talk about nudity!!

 

[Vermillion]

Hi! Another outcast here!

I was an outcast by choice when I was younger (people aren't my thing&#8230 and still an outcast now, a little bit by choice and a little by circumstance. I don't fit in anywhere anymore! I am a young mother (pierced and dyed to boot), and all the other mothers I have met that live my type of lifestyle (NFL, AP) are much older, a little yuppyish, and kind of look down on a young mama like me. Then the mamas my age that I have met are TOTALLY my opposite in terms of parenting. I just can't win!

So yeah, that's me

 

[peekyboo]

ME ME ME!!! :LOL

I have always been a unique "quirky" person - I never fit in with a group in high school - my friends tried to figure it out, but realized there was no "catagorizing" me. Later, dh and I moved to his home state of Arkansas - yeah, Yankee gal in Arkansas...I didn't "blend" well, lol! Add to that that I have four kids (feel free to insert gasp of horror :LOL ), and am actually pretty religious (though you wouldn't instantly guess it unless you saw the rosary hanging off my rear-view mirror as I drove down the street in my minivan blaring Matchbox 20.)

And I know the feeling of hitting it off with people on line and then meeting them in person and turning into a total idiot. I'm much better with the written word. In person, I tend to babble at first - it's a nervous reaction, one I'm trying to work on.

What's bad is that I'm really a social creature - sigh - but it's hard trying to find people who are like minded and don't mind me bringing kids along.

Oh look - babbling - :LOL Anyway, know how you feel.

 

[meowee]

Quote:

Originally Posted by crunchy_mama another freak, dh and I are the family black sheep on both sides! I have found people I get along with, but am still always different. Everything always comes out wrong like the other day I was telling my birth story to an acquaintance couple- and talked about how I was naked all through labor and birth- they looked at me like I had 2 heads- I tried to discuss how you lose your modesty, but only made it worse- note to self, do not talk about nudity!!

yes!!!!! this is exactly the kind of thing that happens to me. :LOL

the "you have two heads" look... I'm very familiar with it!

 

[tsume]

peekyboo I can so relate to your post. I also can't be catagorized and that's tough when society likes everyone to fit in their designated box.

 

[onlyzombiecat]

I think part of the reason I have always been outside of things is that I'm an introvert.
I never felt inclined to follow what other people were doing and don't like labels very much. I like being unique. I guess it is hard to be unique and fit in.
Now that I am older I find I am pickier about who I hang out with now. I make some great friends online but they live far away.

I suppose in a way my family is outcast too among our families and people we meet.
We are all introverts to a degree.
Dh and I have chosen to have only one child. People don't like that because it isn't the norm.
Dh is younger than me by 6 years. We got engaged 3 months after we met and married 7 months after that. People didn't like that because that isn't the norm.
We are not money oriented people. We are poor but happy. People tend to want us to be miserable if we are poor. Sure we wouldn't turn down more money but not at the price of our time together as a family, our dreams, our morals, or mental health. We don't have credit cards and live within our means.
We are non-competitive people also. Dh and I don't really like sports.
We didn't put dd is pre-school. We plan to homeschool. No one in our extended family does that.
I could go on but will just sum it up that we are just not the norm in how we live, make decisions, and what we like to do.

 

[pickleboot]

raises hand

i was always an oautcast in school, my parents re-inforced the idea that it was experiences, not posessions, that matter. never had the right clothes, all that. and now, i do not care. i'm happy being the odd one out in my small town, most of the time. my kids are going to be themselves, not what othe people want them to be.

the other thing that bugs me is that i have chronic pain. this marks you as odd immediately, because there are weeks i never leave the house.....