[Earth Angel]

Wise mammas and pappas.....I need some advice

Most days... when i'm well rested, fed etc. i can deal with my childre's behavior without becoming irritated, angry etc.....but... there are days or moments when i reach the end of my rope and actually feel angry about something that happened...i am wondering...in those cases when the anger or other negative emotion actually comes....and my little filter saying "he's just little" or "gentle" doesn't work to stop the feeling inside me from swelling...what do you do to manage your negative emotion?

I am a big believer in the fact that it is not really all that healthy to stuff your feelings inside, we should express them....but....I can't always take a walk to calm down or express my anger (or other emotion) around my children in a way that I feel OK about. So, I'm wondering if the answer is learning how to keep that all in or What???

Anyone have the magical answer?????

Also...please know I NEVER hit or otherwise become physical with my kids. The thing that I do that I don't feel positive about is raising my voice and simply becoming very stressed inside to where my facial and bodily signals and my general vibe toward my kids has to be looking/feeling pretty aggressive/upset.....Does that make sense??????

Oh, and my kiddos are 4 and 1

TIA

 

[annab]

check this thread

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...ighlight=anger

 

[vermonttaylors]

Earth Angel

you are singing my tune! I have never hit my son, but I have expressed completely innapropriate anger at him, the kind that if I saw someone else direct toward a child, I would be mortified. It is so hard, embarrasing and I carry a ton of guilt arouond with me because of it. I personally am seeking counseling to help me cope with my explosive temper, which is a symptom of a kind of chronic depression I have, and to learn some ways to redirect it quickly when there isn't always the time for a walk or a cool down period. I just wanted to let you know that you are soooooooo not alone. I don't have any words of wisdom, but there are some smart mamas here, hopefully someone has some words of wisdom.

Hang in there mama

 

[Earth Angel]

vermonttaylors...thankyou. I appreciate your reply. The link that annab posted (thank you annab!!

) has been helpful to read through. There are a lot of mammas struggling with the same thing and sharing their coping strategies.
Hope you find support from therapy too. A good therapist can really help in a lotta ways!

 

[FireWithin]

I found reading Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline to have been truly life changing for me.
I can't figure out how to explain it at the moment (without making it sound silly), and am running out of time before DS wakes up. I will try to add more later.

 

[lilgreen]

I second the Easy to Love, Difficult to Discipline book for this issue.

I have learned that when I get to a boiling point, I say to my son (who's 3), "I need a time out. I'm feeling really angry (or frustrated or upset) and I need to calm down." Then I'll usually walk out into the hall or the bathroom for a few seconds or minutes, whatever it takes. I'll even do this if we're in the middle of an 'episode' (such as a tantrum or the beginning of one or him acting really frustrated) because I know I'll be useless unless I can calm down.

I know this would be hard to do with a one year old, but maybe it will work in some situations.

Take care,
lilgreen