[**guest**]

i have been thinking about it. lets say everybody is speaking english. your child comes over to a stranger and says 'how old are you?'. or even 'mommy, ask that man how old is he." the stranger might answer or not, you might smile, or chuckle, or apologise if the question seemed improper, but it was your child who asked it, so i don't think anybody would mind.

now imagine this. "mommy," says my 4 year old in russian. "ask that man how old is he."

dd is bilingual, but her english is a bit less developed than her russian.

and i feel awkward. since basically in our society it is not polite to ask such personal questions of complete strangers, i feel i should mediate, and tell my dd: sweetie, we do not ask strangers how old they are. if the question is more acceptable, in my introverted mind, i might say 'excuse me, my daughter wants to know whether you are going fishing right now.'. i still feel a bit awkward.

how do you translate for your bilingual child?

funny story. in our elevator, she said, in russian (we were in Toronto then): mommy, tell this man that your bra is the same color as his tee-shirt. (it wasn't even a bra. go find a nursing bra in bright aquamarine. it was a tank top undershirt.) and the strange man says, in slightly accented russian: 'my mother spoke russian to me when i was a child, but i don't understand much of it'. it was obvious he did understand.

 

[Bruden]

I won't translate for them to the person. I tell them how to ask the question and have them ask for themselves. "What's that boy doing Mommy?" I used to answer, "Why not ask him yourself. Say 'What are you doing?'" I found that allowing the child to do the asking made it easy for them to continue communicating after the first initial question. I used to hover more than I do now. At 2.5 yrs. old and 5, they seem to handle themselves ok in English these days.

 

[**guest**]

dd almost always refuses to ask herself, and wants my help. i feel it is my place to help her communicate, so i can model it for her. i won't achieve anything if i were to force her.

the thing is that if she were asking this in english, the communication would often start by itself, because often adults hear the indirect question anyway.

 

[Bruden]

I would never force, I give my kids the words and encourage them to try. I model all the live long day, at some point they need to take over and speak as well.

Does your daughter attend any kind of preschool?

 

[sphinx]

I had to translate for about 6 months - making connections on the playground and things, before dd felt comfortable speaking Czech, but even now (2.5 years later - she's now 6.5) sometimes just because dd is shy (thought totally fluent in Czech) she'll ask me in English to say something to a Czech speaker. In fact i realize we often speak in English on the street/bus/playground and i think she assumes the Czechs don't understand when in fact i'd say the majority do speak and understand some or a lot of English. I try to treat the issue as if she were speaking in Czech - if it's inappropriate I tell her so and I won't ask, but i don't stop her from asking, if she really must know, but most times they aren't questions abous bras and things! hee hee.

 

[twilight girl]

I agree with pp. If the child asked the ? in the language that the stranger spoke, what would you have said? If the child asks you to ask or say something to a stranger that is not appropriate, I would take advantage of the unique opportunity to explain to the child why you feel that is not appropriate. Imagine, monolingual parents don't get that opportunity! If the questions are appropriate, then I do as a previous poster, and encourage dd to ask the question herself. She is very outgoing, however, and I rarely have to urge her. She will usually ask, "Mama, how do I say _____ in Spanish?"

HTH,
Judi

 

[Thao]

Perhaps it would help to distinguish if the issue is one of langauge or of general shyness? If she is doing it because she lacks the language, then it's probably just a matter of time until she is comfortable in English. My daughter is learning Vietnamese, and she used to ask me to interpret with her friends but now as she has gotten more fluent she'll ask "how do I say ________" like twilight girl's daughter.

If the issue is general shyness, and she is in essence "hiding" behind her Russian, then maybe you should be finding ways to help her be less shy (I've got no suggestions, but at least it helps to be asking the right question, KWIM?)

I've got a funny elevator story too! Once I was in an elevator in Hong Kong with some Vietnamese friends and an older Chinese (we assumed) woman got on. My friend said to us in normal speaking voice, "Wow, this woman stinks!" He was speaking Vietnamese and assumed the woman didn't understand. You guessed it -- the woman turned to him and said in perfect Vietnamese "Who are you calling stinky, twerp???"

The rest of the elevator ride was, um, shall we say, awkard.

 

[twilight girl]

Yes, I once rode in an elevator in Arlington, Virginia with two Latino men. I was wearing a skirt, and they talked the whole elevator ride about my nice legs. My floor came first, so I simply said, "Gracias," as I got off.

NEVER assume that other people don't understand your language.