[Mommy2Austin]

Is any one else in counseling with their DH?<br><br>
We started counseling two weeks ago and I can already see the difference it's making in our relationship. We're hoping in the weeks to come to figure out some issues I'm having that will help make our relationship stronger and better <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
I just wondered if anyone else was having success too <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">

 

[bnhmama]

You know, we actually just started marital therapy this past wednesday.<br><br>
We've needed it for a long time. And we are already noticing a difference. I think it's really going to change so much. It was daunting and painful but very freeing.

 

[DariusMom]

definitely! i think it's saved our marriage.<br><br>
I only wish we'd started before. I think had we stared counseling earlier rather than later, we could have saved ourselves a lot of grief. That being said, better late than never!<br><br>
I know it can be tough to get DHs (or men, in general) into counseling, but do try if you're having problems.

 

[mom2snugbugs]

I'm looking for a counselor right now. My fear is that they will stop telling me to co-sleep or breastfeed (kick the kids out of the bed- save the marriage. Stop BFing- those are for your husband) Rants of paranoia I'm sure, but still needing counseling...

 

[Mommy2Austin]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I'm looking for a counselor right now. My fear is that they will stop telling me to co-sleep or breastfeed (kick the kids out of the bed- save the marriage. Stop BFing- those are for your husband) Rants of paranoia I'm sure, but still needing counseling...</td>
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IMO That's none of their concern! Unless DH is having a problem with cosleeping then that shouldn't even come up. And any idiot who says that your breasts are for your husband needs to pick up an anatomy book. I can guarentee it will tell you they are for producing milk and not for making husbands happy.

 

[pinksprklybarefoot]

We did the counseling thing and it really turned things around for us. I think that the actual act of getting counseling (saying to each other "our relationship is important and good relationships take work") was more important than what happened at the counseling. That and discussing things in a neutral place where no one can storm off or be interrupted by the phone, kids, etc. The counselor, although a nice guy, was not the sharpest crayon in the box. We actually wound up making fun of him outside of the sessions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: I guess nothing brings two people together like humor.

 

[DariusMom]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>pinksprklybarefoot</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7928503"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">We did the counseling thing and it really turned things around for us. I think that the actual act of getting counseling (saying to each other "our relationship is important and good relationships take work") was more important than what happened at the counseling. That and discussing things in a neutral place where no one can storm off or be interrupted by the phone, kids, etc. The counselor, although a nice guy, was not the sharpest crayon in the box. We actually wound up making fun of him outside of the sessions. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/duck.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Duck">: I guess nothing brings two people together like humor.</div>
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This was somewhat similar to our experience. I'm not sure that what the counselor did in the sessions was as important as the time we made ourselves set aside for ourselves in a neutral place. Also, I think for both of us, it was important to think about ourselves and our issues which we did en route to the counseling sessions (about 1/2 an hour away). Then we had time to process on the way back. We also tried to go out for dinner or a movie afterwards, depending on the babysitting situation, in order just to try and have fun after the intense emotional sessions.

 

[CeciMami]

This is something that DH and I just made the decision to try so I'm glad to hear that you have all had positive experiences with it! The only problem in our case is that since we can't afford much, we are doing it through his work EAP (first 5 visits free with a $15 copay for 40 visits a year after that) and I'm a little worried as to the quality of therapist that we'll get...I guess I have it in my head that the more expensive the therapist...the better??? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
The appointment isn't till the end of May but if nothing else, this decision has already got us talking more and I'm feeling better about things...DH actually came home with flowers for me yesterday...something he hasn't done since way before DS was born! I love my DH and am willing to work as hard as I need to to make this work...I think he's willing too..wish me luck!

 

[Mommy2Austin]

One of the things I'm thankful for with our counselor is he can't prescribe medication. He refers you to someone who can if you think you need it and sees that as well, but he can't. He also prefers not to as he thinks there are ways to deal with issues before jumping straight to meds.

 

[*violet*]

We went to counseling several years ago due to a HUGE issue/s we were having with his parents. It was horrible. Like, so horrible I couldn't see how we could ever work things out. We looked long and hard for a counselor we both respected and felt could work with us and following the start of our counseling within a couple of months I felt that we had come to a much better place.<br><br>
We contined for several months. The counselor was so good and made so much of an impact on how we treated each other and how we both saw our marriage. We still talk about him and the stuff he taught us almost weekly now. I highly recommend it!

 

[dachshundqueen]

Isn't going well for us and it'ss really disappointing. I'm the odd one out.<br><br>
I am not a fan of divorce and neither of us wants a divorce - I'm trying to be proactive and make changes but he doesn't seem to want to.<br><br>
Sigh. Hopefully the counselor can have a more positive effect soon. Next week he said he wants to hear our plans to improve our marriage (behavioral changes) and he'll decide based on that if he can continue to work with us, as DH's behavior has gotten significantly worse since we started counseling.<br><br>
Liz

 

[Ms Ladybug]

We just started another round of marriage counseling this week. It'll be a weekly thing for awhile. I just didn't see any improvement last time, so I hope this time will be better.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">

 

[Mommy2Austin]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>dachshundqueen</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7963537"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Isn't going well for us and it'ss really disappointing. I'm the odd one out.<br><br>
I am not a fan of divorce and neither of us wants a divorce - I'm trying to be proactive and make changes but he doesn't seem to want to.<br><br>
Sigh. Hopefully the counselor can have a more positive effect soon. Next week he said he wants to hear our plans to improve our marriage (behavioral changes) and he'll decide based on that if he can continue to work with us, as DH's behavior has gotten significantly worse since we started counseling.<br><br>
Liz</div>
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Maybe in addition to couples counseling you should try individual counseling?

 

[Authentic_Mother]

deleted due to being stalked online.

 

[Mommy2Austin]

My excuse for counseling is I have problems that need to be fixed and I want him to be there to help give the counselor and idea of how I am. The counselor doesn't do individual counseling for married couples, so he doesn't just focus on me. He pries into DH and tries to figure out if any of my problems are a product of something Dh does. It works well, because DH doesn't feel like he has a "problem" but the counselor can still help our marriage!

 

[Authentic_Mother]

deleted due to being stalked online.

 

[Mommy2Austin]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>3babies4me</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965254"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Oh, sneaky!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> I should try this! Our conselor doesn't do single either....but....since hubby worked offshore and I started going alone...he never came. She did recommend that we both have a copy of "The Five Love Languages" and we did and we took the test and it turns out my love language is Affirmation and Touch. His is Gifts. I have worked harder to speak his love language...he....well.....HE HASNT! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/duh.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="duh"><br>
But if your hubby is up for trying, I would suggest the book to yall! It makes a lot of sense and seems easy enough ya know! I loved it!<br>
It generally says that you love people in your love language. I am a affirmation and touch so I was affirming and touching my husband to show that I loved him. I thought this would work because it works for me when he does it for me (WHEN is key here). But it turns out his language is gifts. So all this time he may not have felt I appreciated him even though I was affirming and touching, because I wasn't getting him littel goodies. So now I know when Im at walmart to get him little goodies every now and then. And generally rather than give him the goodies when he is home, I will stuff them in his bag in several pockets (he goes offshore for 2 weeks at a time). It helps him he says...but HELLO, your wife is sitting here waiting for you to speak her language! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked">:</div>
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<br>
Something else I noticed is unless I straight up tell my DH what I want he just doesn't get it. I try telling him I like surprises and give him ideas and it just goes above and beyond his head lol

 

[Authentic_Mother]

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mommy2Austin</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7965314"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Something else I noticed is unless I straight up tell my DH what I want he just doesn't get it. I try telling him I like surprises and give him ideas and it just goes above and beyond his head lol</div>
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FUNNY! Because when hubby and I got married we both told each other, "NO HINTS!" because neither of us are attentive enough to figure out hinting or even notice it!

 

[Mommy2Austin]

So we went to counseling yesterday and it became pick on Sarah day <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"> (Next session is pick on Michael day!)But thats ok because we got a lot of stuff worked out!!<br><br>
We took the love language test and found out we both speak the same love language! Which is weird because we both feel "unloved." So we both got homework for this week.<br><br>
His Homework:<br>
Get More Adderall ASAP (he ran out!! Not fun!!)<br>
Take out the trash every morning<br>
Put Shoes away in Closet<br>
Catch Sarah doing things well and compliment!<br><br>
My Homework:<br>
Set "getting out" goals and monitor (I have social anxiety)<br>
Turn off comp. and TV more and use that time to clean and fix the house up!<br><br>
They are very attainable goals and so far they are working. Some of them sound silly, but for us they are big fight starters. Our counselor is really awesome and it helps him that him and his wife are just like us!!!<br><br>
Well my time is up and I'm going to clean off the table!!