[JnB]

Hi all! Background - My BF's 2 children live in England with his ex (who is British). His DS & DD were born here (USA), lived here a few years, then the whole family moved to the UK. My BF lived there about 3 years before their marriage disolved. She has full custody but he (we) visit many times a year and are planning to have them here next month.
Their divorce decree rules make it very expensive to fly DS & DD here often (they haven't been here in 3 years). We have been talking about getting married and (of course) he wants his children present. We're not ready to marry when they're here next month, so due to the high cost of getting them here I don't think I can wait X years until we can get them here again for us to marry.
So, I was thinking of us marrying in the UK when we go to visit them (sometime). My question is, are any of you 2 Americans who have married in the UK without living there? I did look at the US embassy's website which led me to www.ukvisas.gov.uk, but I find some of the wording difficult. I plan on researching it more, but I thought I'd ask here if anyone else has done this.
TIA!!!

P.S. If it counts for anything, we wouldn't want a grand wedding by any account. Just a simple (non-religious) ceremony.

 

[roxyrox]

In England and wales you have to be here for about 3 weeks before you can legally get married I think. In Scotland, there is no such requirement so if you are not here for that long, you could get married there. I found this if it helps.

http://www.take2weddings.com/plannin...ners_in_uk.asp

 

[JnB]

Ah, Thank You!! We've been talking about visiting Scotland with his kids on one of our next trips - that's wonderful! And, it would help marrying on "neutral" soil, so to speak. Not our "home" or his kids.
Thanks!! I'll discuss this with the BF and see if he likes this idea. When we go we're usually only there for a week, not 3.

P.S. Reading that link roxyrox, I see that one of the stipulations is that one of us would have to be present at the Registrar's Office in Scotland during the 7 days leading up to the marraige (but not the wedding day itself). Not knowing if we could do an extended trip with the kiddos, and the distance (Somerset County to Scotland), I wonder if we could do this. Has anyone done this, married in Scotland (as an American)?
Thanks!

 

[edenluna]

i am american and married a Scot here in Scotland but i had been living here for about a year when we got married.... you have to fill out the paperwork and meet with the registrar at the Council office before the wedding and then set up a day/time for the wedding. depending on the council that you want to get married at, it might take longer or shorter to get it done. i don't think it would all take less than a week or two seeing that beauracracy runs pretty slowly here.... anything that would take a few hours in the states, seems to take A LOT longer here. like setting up a bank account took me 2 months, where in the states it would take what? 1 hour? to get my driver's license (the actual license itself) took over a month, where in the states you would get it in an hour or so in your hand....

i would get in touch with the council that you are thinking about getting married at, and ask them what type of time frame they are working on and how long it would take. you may be able to send the paperwork and fee in the mail,and do things that way...i don't know for sure....

here is a place to go for info if you wanted to get married in Edinburgh:
http://www.edinburgh.gov.uk/internet...civil_weddings

 

[JnB]

Edenluna, Thank You!! I'll look into that link and gather my thoughts. If I have any Q's in the future can I PM you? Right now (since I posted this afternoon) my thoughts are filled with us being on step 3 of 5 steps to get BF's DS & DD here in 5 weeks. So I'm kind of all over the place right now. Paint bedroom, get vegan meals planned, daytrips, etc.

:
Thank you both for your help!

 

[marsmom]

Another thought, which may or may not appeal, is to have a second "wedding" in the UK which his children could attend. We were married in the US officially (I'm American, dh is British) with his parents and a few friends over from the UK. But a lot of his family couldn't make the trip for varying reasons. So we flew back to the US from our honeymoon via the UK and had a second wedding. It was basically another wedding reception, where a suitably chosen relative unofficially "conducted" our (non-religious) wedding ceremony first before the food etc. We all read and said the exact same ceremony again (which we had written), we had the same best man/woman speeches, we all wore the same clothes, we even had an exact replica of our wedding cake made here (bravo to the baker who copied it from a photo). Both sets of parents, and the best man and woman kindly attended both so the same speeches could be made. So to the UK guests, it was just like having been at the "real" one. It worked really well for us to make sure that everyone was included. Both weddings had about 30 people there and we did a fairly simple lunchtime thing to manage the cost of doing it twice. Maybe some variation on this would work for you - what about a "city hall" wedding in the US, with an "unofficial" but still just like the real thing ceremony and reception in the UK?

 

[edenluna]

sure PM me with any questions! if i can help i will!

 

[JnB]

Thanks Edenluna!
And, thanks Marsmom! We were considering marrying "for real" in the UK, with his kids, and doing a reception here. What you did sounds beautiful (that you were able to recreate everything with you parents and best man/woman), but I think we'd like to do the legal ceremony with his kids and come back here for a small party. I was engaged before and got very far into the wedding planning before we split. I was having anxiety then about being the bride, the "center of attention". I think it would be more special if we did it small over there (for his kids' sake and for my nerves) and then just came back here to "party".
Based on that Scotland website, we need 2 witnesses (which, I know, is normal). Does anyone know if there's an age limit? Meaning, could his kids (currently 11 & 9) be the legal witnesses?
Thanks Ladies!!

 

[edenluna]

i am most certain they have to be of legal age... so we are talking 18... but i will try to find out for you.

 

[JnB]

Thanks Edenluna! You're the best!

:

 

[edenluna]

here is a website with all the rules for marriage in Scotland....

http://www.gro-scotland.gov.uk/regsc...and/index.html

you can download a bunch of the forms from the website!

i called and they said witnesses have to be atleast 16 years old....

 

[JnB]

Edenluna, thank you so much! I really appreciate your help! I'll let you know if we're ever heading over there to tie the knot!

 

[flapjack]

My dh and I eloped to Gretna Green with my two boys when we got married: his dad c/wouldn't attend due to ill health, his mum's dead, so's my dad and neither of us could face a big wedding. Gretna Green is a traditional town for weddings, being the first town over the border and so the most convenient point for elopements. Whilst my boys couldn't be our witnesses, they struck the anvil together to signify that we were married, which they thought was super-duper cool.
I would do it again in a second, honestly. We were married at Anvil Hall and they really went out of their way for us.
The paperwork was pretty simple as well. You have to post your documentation in in advance, but that's it. Far less hassle than the English civil ceremony we had first time around (and the wording is nicer.)

 

[JnB]

Wow flapjack, that place is beautiful! Thanks for the info! I like that it's right over the border.
I really appreciate everyone's responses. Thank you so much ladies!

 

[stelly]

We got married in England (I am British, H is American). We were married in a hotel by a registrar. We applied for this about 4 months before the actual wedding (we were visiting the UK for almost 2 weeks, so fulfilled the residency requirement). We had to show some sort of UK address (I just used my parent's house) and prove our identities. I think I had to have a letter from my parent's saying that we were staying with them... I forget the specifics.

All I know is that it is quite tricky to do unless you have oodles of time to spend in the UK. Scotland may be your best idea.

Good luck!

PS. if your BF calls the UK a lot, I hope you have Vonage - for $25 a month you can make unlimited calls, I love it.

 

[JnB]

Stelly, thanks for the marraige info, but THANKS for the phone info. I WILL look into that! We have Cingular (now AT & T) and his phone bills (cell) are killing him each month. We have switched his plan quite a few times in the past few years and nothing seems to work. Of course he's not going to stop calling his kids, and when he wants to call he doesn't think twice about cost versus wanting to call - we just get a big surprise come bill time.
I will be looking up Vonage... now!

 

[edenluna]

or Skype on the computer.... that is how i call the US from the UK.

 

[JnB]

My brother used to use Skype - I'd forgotten all about it. Thanks! We have to find him something better - we will be looking into both of your suggestions!
You guys rock!

 

[stelly]

If he prefers to use his cell to call the UK, there is a great service www.onesuite.com - you call an access number (so only get charged for a local call) and then the rate is about 4 cents a minute to the UK. You pre-pay. I used to use this before I got vonage, and I still use it now for when I am at work and want to make a call to the UK, or if I have an emergency and need to call the UK from my cell.

Hope that helps!

 

[JnB]

Thanks Stelly! I'll give him all these options and let him pick one. His cell bill has been horrific lately so these suggestions are incredible!