i didn't read all the responses bu t...
i was a single mama frm the time dd was 3mos old till she was 5 1/2. Then i met my now dh, we lived together 3 1/2 years and then got married. We've been married five years next month and have since had two more children togther (ages 3 and 3 months)
for me being single was HARD work. It was hard getting up every morning and taking my beautiful daughter to day care while i went to work which in and of itself was hard. I would pick her up racing to the daycare after work, missing her so much but i was exhausted. I'd get us home, unload the car and start dinner. Trying to spend quality time with her in the 3.5 hours i had before bed (we got home at 5pm and she'd go to bed at 8:30).
It was exhausting cleaning the house alone, doing all the parenting alone (emotionally and physically), making all the decisions alone. It was hard work. There were things I liked because my first marriage was so bad. I liked the freedom to make good decisions. I liked not having drugs and alchohol in my life. I liked dating honestly. I had fun being in charge of my own life. I "did" the single mama thing well. All my friends and family were so impressed at how i had it all togehter. I had a great job, nice car, great condo, great friends... it was a nice life. I didn't need a man/partner/husband. Me and my kiddo were doing great all on our own.
Then i met Tom. lol
There wasn't a second after i met him that i didn't think i was going to be with him for the rest of my life. I just knew. He was this amazing package. Not perfect by any means, with a wild history - but we both knew . He became my best friend within a week or two. We enjoyed the same things, thought along the same lines and laughed constantly.
There was no loss of control or loss of freedom, only a whole lot more time, energy and fun. I have someone who is my best friend to talk to, laugh with and even argue with. He helps around the house (the man can mop, vaccuum and clean a mean stove) and i save a ton of money on mechanic, plumbing and handyman bills since he's good at that stuff. He helps me make good decisions and even calls me on my crap when i become a control freak. He parents. and he parents well. He gives me a break when I need it (physically and emotionally). He gives great foot rubs, is an amazing cook and honestly the sex is awesome (well, i'm 10wks postpartum so its not awesome at the moment, but it was and will be again lol). And i help him. i help him have the time to pursue his art. And according to him - i've given him the best life a man could ask for - a beautiful home and family. he loves being a father.
i think marriage is a wonderful spiritual thing - if you truly love and are in love with your partner. and if you work together and not against each other. It is work. But its not hard work. I mean, its hard for me to remember that the fact that he can hold his 3 year old at 2am without a second thought if she has a bad dream or an accident is much more important then the fact that sometimes he leaves his chin hairs in the sink after shaving!! To remember that the guy who dances with me in the kitchen while our 14 year old tells us to "get a room" , the 3 year old is running around naked and the 3 mo old has just peed on himself and all heck is breaking loose... well, that thats much more important then his dirty socks on the floor or the half finished fence or ...well.. you get it.
I am currently reading "the power of a praying wife" and i do pray for him. For his relationships, his work... i pray for us as a couple. And i actively work on my marriage. so does he. Oh, and i'm also reading "the five love languages" which is helping me understand some of his weirdo behaviors that can be annoying. and..um... my weirdo behaviors that he finds annyoing too.
my daughter was almost 6 when we met Tom and she loved him from the first (great judge of character). He is her daddy and they have a relationship that is amazing. I know that there were good things about being a single parent. But for the most part I was lonely and tired and it was a struggle and i was always on edge bout how to make it.
now i'm married. i'm a sahm so i'm home with my kids, something i never thought i'd have. I LOVE this. I'll go back to work when the kids are older, but this is a life i only dreamed possible. We have not a pot to piss in (im' serious) and are racking up debt, but dh works his butt off and tells me that he's grateful to ME for being home raising our kids and that we both remember whats important.
We're in this together. I'm not alone in my financial stress. I'm not alone in my decisions - we talk, we debate, we research we read. WE make decisions. i love that. i love having a partner to walk thru this life with who i trust and who trusts me. He's just a good person. I like being with him.
i like being his wife. I'm glad he is my husband. I love knowing my marriage is great and will always be because it is the highest priority to both of us. We care for, take care of and support each other thru all of it. And i'm grateful to G-d for helping me find him. To me, i value the vows we took. We made promises to each other at our wedding - in front of our family, our friends and our Lord. The rings we wear... well... they're a symbol of what we've c hosen to create together.
wow. rambling eh? I'm happy to be married.
sheesh. i just shoudlve said that in the first place. woulda been a shorter post. lol