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How are things going for everyone?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug">
 

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I completely missed April's check in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I feel so scatter-brained lately.<br>
Couples counselling is going well. DH is helping more around the house and with the kids and we've managed to come up with a strategy that gives me access to money if and when I need it.
 

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Hi!<br><br>
I just realized I have been really inactive lately but I have a REALLY good excuse. In February I started getting these nasty headaches. I hesitate to call them headaches since the pain is worse than anything I've felt before -and I say this as a migraine sufferer with TMJ who's gone through natural childbirth. But technically, though I had many of the symptoms, they were not migraines I came to find out.<br><br>
On March 11th I came to the ER with The Worst Headache of My Life. I thought I was dying. I thought I was had a burst annursim or something horrible, it HAD to be something really, really bad to hurt that much. They did test after test (Head CT, LP, tons of bloodwork) and shot me up with drugs. All tests were clear and I came home. Next day, still in pain, I went back to my doctor's office for more shots. I should add, it wasn't just pain I felt. It was pressure everywhere in my head, I literally felt like my head was exploding. I heard this whoosh whoosh whoosh sound in time with my pulse in my left ear. The base of my neck/skull was where most of my pain was, and it felt like it was in a vice. Sounds hurt, light hurt, I was dizzy and nauseous.<br><br>
Anyway, after the second round of piankillers I felt better (FINALLY) and fell asleep. I woke up, decided to get out of the house for a short outing, and that's when the double vision started. It was also blurry vision. Another ER visit. Originally thought to be a side effect of the LP, no one thought much of it. The pain continued. I was told to stay in bed laying flat.<br><br>
Finally after a week I was like, "Dude, this is not right. THIS IS ALL CONNECTED!!!" I went to my doctor who was like totally confounded. He sent me to the ER. They were also confounded. But I was referred to neurology and ophthalmology (to be seen the following monday). The next day, when I was in horrific pain AGAIN, I went back to the ER and one of the doctors figured it out. Idiopathic Intracranial Hypertension (Pseudotumor Cerebri). The brain makes too much spinal fluid, which puts pressure on the brain and optic nerve.<br><br>
Could have been caused by taking Lithium, so I had to go off cold turkey, which makes me very sad becuase it worked very well for me. Could simply be because I am an overweight woman in her childbearing years (that ups the risk from 1 in 100,000 for the general population to 20 in 100,000). Who knows. Idiopathic literally means "no known cause."<br><br>
I am slowly recovering now. The meds they put me on for it suck a lot. I am trying to gain back strength after spending the better part of two months in bed. Normal tasks that used to be easy are much more difficult than they were. I am weaning off painkillers slowly so as not to shock my system (I am sure it's shocked enough already!), I'll be glad when that's over.<br><br>
So far there is only a tiny amount of vision loss in my peripheral vision of one eye -the left, perfect for driving lol. I hope it stays that way. I am a fairly mild case and the last time I had a LP my pressure reading was only borderline high.<br><br>
My new psych meds are finally working ok (had to go back on Depakote. Hope I don't lose all my hair and gain more weight). I'm doing a lot better with my self esteem work and not letting other people's opinions of me control me. At this point, I CANNOT ALLOW myself to be stressed or my intracranial pressure will rise and I'll be in pain again.<br><br>
Mother's Day is coming up and it's going to be one of the first times I won't be calling my mother. That's hard. But also a relief. I'm still glad she's out of my life but still long for her in some ways. It's so weird. I just miss the mother I wish she was, I miss the good parts which, frankly, are mostly gone now anyway. I feel sometimes like she has died.<br><br>
My kids are all doing well, my 8 month old is beautiful and amazing (though INCREDIBLY clingy, hallelujah for slings), my 4 year old is sweet as ever, my 5 year old is blossoming and she wows me every day with how smart she is.<br><br>
Well, I guess that's all. Hope you all are doing well.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Hi!<br><br>
I'm doing pretty well... I've been slacking off on my work from counseling, my therapist went away for a month, and I had tons of time to get it done... now I've got a week! Eeek!<br><br>
I might be taking care of a girl before and after school starting in school and resuming in September... she's a nice kid, I see her every day when I pick up my DS & DD. I watch 2 other girls when their grandma goes on vacation/has an appointment and I like it. It feels really good to have a job. SO is a school bus driver, and was expecting to be out of work over the summer, but just heard yesterday that he got the summer job! HUGE relief!!<br><br>
And the court thing with my ex in-laws is done. My ex didn't even show up, it's approaching a year since I saw him (June 23rd?) so that was good. SO took the afternoon off work to be with me, and the kids visited my grandparents for the first time since Christmas while we were in court. We have time for MY family now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">
 

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I am beginning to think I seriously need to medicate, but i think i have been saying that for a while.<br><br>
good days, bad days...<br><br>
I am also finding nursing a toddler to be highly triggering for me.
 

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I'm checking in. I think I'm getting better. my husband is in touch with the psychologist doing side jobs for him. There is some sort of connection. We would love to seek his services but his pay to him is less than what he would charge to treat me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
I was once dx with bipolar. I think I've managed to control a bipolar behavior without meds. Wish I had money for meds. The insurance I'm on said they won't honor any claims for an entire year. If I submitted one they would deem it a pre-existing condition. THEY SUCK! There are characteristics that I wish I could have more control over, like spending.<br><br>
March 13 is LLL. haven't been to one of those in a very long time. I need to see to go because I'm having issues with my breast fed 3 yr old that has triggered some past emotional and physical abuse when he nurses. It baffles me as to why I react this way. I'm angry at myself for feeling this way. I want him to have a great nursing experience but there is something about him, when he scratches my chest obsessively to the point that he has made me bleed before, I resent this. Hoping the LLL has some suggestions.
 

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Tomorrow marks 9 months of freedom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"><br><br>
I am making progress in the friend department. I have one friend that I have dinner with once a week. We usually end up talking for 4 or 5 hours.<br><br>
And another friend I met tonight that I have been talking with on Facebook *mutual friends in common* for several months now. We are making plans for next weekend <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Bunnyflakes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15361405"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Tomorrow marks 9 months of freedom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"><br><br>
I am making progress in the friend department. I have one friend that I have dinner with once a week. We usually end up talking for 4 or 5 hours.<br><br>
And another friend I met tonight that I have been talking with on Facebook *mutual friends in common* for several months now. We are making plans for next weekend <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"></div>
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Good for you!<br><br>
I still need to mail you the book I mentioned. Sorry--I haven't made it to the post office!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Talula Fairie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15360423"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Mother's Day is coming up and it's going to be one of the first times I won't be calling my mother. That's hard. But also a relief. I'm still glad she's out of my life but still long for her in some ways. It's so weird. I just miss the mother I wish she was, I miss the good parts which, frankly, are mostly gone now anyway. I feel sometimes like she has died.<br><br>
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This is EXACTLY, exactly how I feel.<br><br><br>
Sorry to hear about your health problems! Hope you recover quickly.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Bunnyflakes</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15361405"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Tomorrow marks 9 months of freedom <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"><br><br>
I am making progress in the friend department. I have one friend that I have dinner with once a week. We usually end up talking for 4 or 5 hours.<br><br>
And another friend I met tonight that I have been talking with on Facebook *mutual friends in common* for several months now. We are making plans for next weekend <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"></div>
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Good for you!! You are such an inspirational woman <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I'm here and trucking along. Emotionally exhausted 100% of the time lately... pregnancy is hard in that way.
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>JacquelineR</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15360329"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I completely missed April's check in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> I feel so scatter-brained lately.<br>
Couples counselling is going well. DH is helping more around the house and with the kids and we've managed to come up with a strategy that gives me access to money if and when I need it.</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Talula Fairie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15360423"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi!<br><br>
I just realized I have been really inactive lately but I have a REALLY good excuse. In February I started getting these nasty headaches. I hesitate to call them headaches since the pain is worse than anything I've felt before -and I say this as a migraine sufferer with TMJ who's gone through natural childbirth. But technically, though I had many of the symptoms, they were not migraines I came to find out.</div>
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Oh my, what an ordeal!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Mummoth</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15360478"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Hi!<br><br>
I'm doing pretty well... I've been slacking off on my work from counseling, my therapist went away for a month, and I had tons of time to get it done... now I've got a week! Eeek!<br><br>
And the court thing with my ex in-laws is done. My ex didn't even show up, it's approaching a year since I saw him (June 23rd?) so that was good. SO took the afternoon off work to be with me, and the kids visited my grandparents for the first time since Christmas while we were in court. We have time for MY family now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>inkedmamajama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15361142"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am beginning to think I seriously need to medicate, but i think i have been saying that for a while.<br><br>
good days, bad days...<br><br>
I am also finding nursing a toddler to be highly triggering for me.</div>
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I am sorry <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>fruitful womb</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15361325"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm checking in. I think I'm getting better. my husband is in touch with the psychologist doing side jobs for him. There is some sort of connection. We would love to seek his services but his pay to him is less than what he would charge to treat me. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shrug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shrug"><br><br>
I was once dx with bipolar. I think I've managed to control a bipolar behavior without meds. Wish I had money for meds. The insurance I'm on said they won't honor any claims for an entire year. If I submitted one they would deem it a pre-existing condition. THEY SUCK! There are characteristics that I wish I could have more control over, like spending.<br><br>
March 13 is LLL. haven't been to one of those in a very long time. I need to see to go because I'm having issues with my breast fed 3 yr old that has triggered some past emotional and physical abuse when he nurses. It baffles me as to why I react this way. I'm angry at myself for feeling this way. I want him to have a great nursing experience but there is something about him, when he scratches my chest obsessively to the point that he has made me bleed before, I resent this. Hoping the LLL has some suggestions.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>A&A</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15361529"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Good for you!<br><br>
I still need to mail you the book I mentioned. Sorry--I haven't made it to the post office!</div>
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No problem <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I am making myself nuts out of curiosity over what you are sending, though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>tinyactsofcharity</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15362028"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Good for you!! You are such an inspirational woman <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"><br><br>
I'm here and trucking along. Emotionally exhausted 100% of the time lately... pregnancy is hard in that way.</div>
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Thanks <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> And <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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Talula, wow, what a ride you've had! Hope the depakote works out OK. Hugs to you for mother's day. I am not going to be calling my mother either, I think. I know what you mean about missing the mother you wish she were. I have that a lot too.<br><br>
Mummoth, that sounds like a lovely job!<br><br>
Inkedmamajama, sorry you've been feeling rough.<br><br>
Bunnyflakes, congrats <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"><br><br>
Big hugs to everyone else too!<br><br>
I've been mostly feeling great lately. I did family constellations therapy a month back and it has been life altering. I feel so much better. What has been most wonderful after the therapy weekend is that, with letting go of the resentment I have been feeling towards my own mother all these years, I am able to be a much better mother to my daughter. Unfortunately, I felt myself turning into my mother at times of stress, and I have yelled much more than I should have. I sometimes even felt guilty and horrible <i>while</i> doing it. Now, since the therapy weekend, I haven't felt the need to yell at my daughter once. I am so happy for all of us! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy">
 

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I'm here. Dealing.
 

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I am here. I have been getting help for much of what has been triggering me lately. I have actually made some big shifts, so that has felt great.<br><br>
I am grateful for wonderful therapists!
 

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I'm here. I actually saw my parents last month. They were well behaved. I mean, there were a couple of passive aggressive comments made BUT I was able to be the bigger person and not engage them. It was actually a milestone for me.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to all those not doing well
 

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hi all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
my dd plays guitar and improvs songs a lot, and the other day she did one called "express yourself" - it has lots of lines in it like "don't believe what anyone tells you to believe / just believe what your heart knows is true" and "if you have really bad parents then run away / don't see them in your heart / i would go away from bad parents even if i went to jail for that" "be free in your heart because it's all about love/ express yourself"<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
it really hit home for me.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MittensKittens</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15362416"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;"><br>
I've been mostly feeling great lately. I did family constellations therapy a month back and it has been life altering. I feel so much better. What has been most wonderful after the therapy weekend is that, with letting go of the resentment I have been feeling towards my own mother all these years, I am able to be a much better mother to my daughter. Unfortunately, I felt myself turning into my mother at times of stress, and I have yelled much more than I should have. I sometimes even felt guilty and horrible <i>while</i> doing it. Now, since the therapy weekend, I haven't felt the need to yell at my daughter once. I am so happy for all of us! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/joy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="joy"></div>
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That is wonderful <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>MamaRabbit</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15362990"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm here. Dealing.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Isamama</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15363941"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am here. I have been getting help for much of what has been triggering me lately. I have actually made some big shifts, so that has felt great.<br><br>
I am grateful for wonderful therapists!</div>
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Great! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>AFWife</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15363971"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm here. I actually saw my parents last month. They were well behaved. I mean, there were a couple of passive aggressive comments made BUT I was able to be the bigger person and not engage them. It was actually a milestone for me.<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> to all those not doing well</div>
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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>majikfaerie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15364311"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">hi all <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/grouphug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="grouphug"><br><br>
my dd plays guitar and improvs songs a lot, and the other day she did one called "express yourself" - it has lots of lines in it like "don't believe what anyone tells you to believe / just believe what your heart knows is true" and "if you have really bad parents then run away / don't see them in your heart / i would go away from bad parents even if i went to jail for that" "be free in your heart because it's all about love/ express yourself"<br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/love.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="love"><br>
it really hit home for me.</div>
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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Phoenix_Rising</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15368709"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">here. not doing well, but have made a mental note to be more active here.</div>
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We're always here to listen.
 
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