Mothering Forum banner
1 - 20 of 23 Posts

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,909 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
but I used to want a lot of kids.

And now...as I sit here at 1:14 with my awake child, who woke two hours ago and has been screamiing, squirming, and crying (but now is calm, though not asleep) wondering what in the world is bothering him now (the cabbage soup I ate yesterday, the sesame rice sticks my friend assured were dairy free, grapes [surely not the grapes], the dairy free mudpuddle [I should have double checked that they used rice milk],the pork I ate, the potatoes I fed him), I realize that I am so tired...and too scared, and I don't think I will have anymore kids.

I love my son, so unbelievably much. I wouldnt trade him for anything! I am just so tired, both physically and also mentally, and I just dont see how I could have another child knowing this could happen again. I know, I know, the next child could be fine, but the next child could be worse too. It makes me sad, really sad, to think my liitle son will have no sibling, that I wont carry another baby again. But all the scratching and crying, the discomfort, confusion ...I dont know.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
38 Posts
My little one (nearly 10 months old now), used to react EXTREMELY badly whenever I ate grapes - especially the red ones. He would literally be in pain, and would cry like no other cry I have EVER heard, and he is my 3rd child!! How do I know this? Because when I stopped the red grapes (I was thinking he was reacting to amines and salicylates), lo and behold, no more pain. So I would say the grapes, especially since he is already sensitive, as is my LO.

Me and hubby have always wanted 4 children. But after my experience with my DS, and with all his alleries/sensitivities etc, it has made me question the whole thing also. So, you are not alone in that regard.

But I would say take it a day at a time, don't make decisions now, just wait and see what the future holds, and just enjoy time with your special little guy right now.

Sophie, SAHM to A (7 yo), I (5 yo), and A (nearly 10 months old)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,028 Posts
I know how you feel. My dd didn't start reacting to things until she was 2, which was when I originally thought we'd start trying again. But I was absolutely terrified and had to wait until she was 3.5 and things were calmed down to really get okay with the idea of possibly dealing with this all over again. I hope I won't have to but I know it's a possibility and have come to terms with that (I think). I'm 24 weeks along now and I don't fret over it too much although I'm not sure why, considering the complete wreck I was for almost a year. Don't worry - things will get better.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,936 Posts
Oh, goodness I understand that. The first year was hell w/ Luke and then after that wasn't a basket of puppies- heck I still find him to be the most challenging now at 4y 4m. I didn't know if or when I would be ready again, but I was. At 2 I felt ok with it and it was ok. Right now I know I am not ready for number 3 yet (if it comes so be it, but we surely aren't trying). We take it one month at a time. Right now I think sometimes at or after Lily turns 2, that is the spacing I have w/ the other 2 and it worked out pretty well, but who knows I could be ready before or after that.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
10,747 Posts
We originally wanted 4, and after DS, we said no more (after all the lovely projectile vomiting, and of course the fact that it "broke me" -- that's when all my back problems and UTIs started). But then when DS was 4, and DH was about to get "fixed" he suddenly said, "WAIT!! I think we should have another." Granted at the time, DS could eat anything again (one of the periods when we thought he'd outgrown everything) so maybe we were more hopeful. And then it was back to, "let's have 4" (DH was 3rd of 4, and I was 3rd of 3). Then when we had DD2 (and even though she seemed fine at the beginning; because she didn't start showing intolerance until direct ingestion), and we remembered all the work, we said, "okay, three is good." When you're up in the middle of the night isn't the best time to think about it though. Last night I was in DD2's bed, after she'd been up 4 times (me thinking, "What did she eat?") and she was sleeping calmly finely and I looked at her beautiful face and thought, "maybe we should have had another" so moods change all the time. And like Forrest Gump's box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,737 Posts
I hear you sister. This is no picnic. It took up a long time to decide on #2 after #1 was so challenging. And then #2 turned out to have issues too. He's sweet but we were up most of last night with tummy discomfort. Sooo discouraging.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,072 Posts
Mama, can someone come watch baby while you take a nap? Can dh come home early and bring takeout for himself and you get to bed early tonight, while he entertains baby and brings him to nurse?

Any chance that a family, friend, neighbor, mother's helper could come play with baby for two hours while you take a nap and a shower. Today and tomorrow?

It is amazing how much more confident you will feel with some sleep.

Are you eating protein, magnesium, B vitamins, essential fatty acids, enough calories? Water!

Gosh, hydration helps me too. It is hard. Please take care of yourself.


You are doing it.

Pat
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,566 Posts
Yep, we're in the same boat. Always thought we'd have two probably but even though we're doing fairly well we both just look at each other and say, "there is simply NO WAY we can do this sleep deprivation thing again." It makes me sad too that DD may not have a sib but we have TONS of onlies in our family, including both of my parents, and the world keeps a spinnin' ya know? I agree though....we will certainly not be making any "final" decisions about only one until DD is probably 5 or so. My bro and I are 7 years apart so you just never know!
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,750 Posts
Oh matey, I'm right there with you.
I'm an only child, and I want SOOOO badly for DD to have a sibling.

Quote:

Originally Posted by bigjooba View Post
But I would say take it a day at a time, don't make decisions now, just wait and see what the future holds, and just enjoy time with your special little guy right now.
This is good advice. I know that I'm nowhere near ready to have another baby and go through all this again, but someday I might be. I hope so anyway.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,909 Posts
Discussion Starter · #10 ·
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words. I'm glad to find understanding here. Shortly after I wrote my post ds fell asleep for a bit, and then started screaming again. My super DH took over and sent me to bed.

On a funny note, while strolling zombie like through walmart, I found a shirt for $3 that said "Silent Night, Yeah Right." We dont normally do shirts that say things, but how could I resist. DS can wear it while we decorate the tree tonight. (Yes, I'll wash it first in clean rinsing detergent and it will be a fake tree-allergies, allergies
)

WuWei - I dont have any family close, and as for friends, well, they all work, I am the only SAHM. I would feel bad asking them to watch ds. DH has a giant paper for grad school due next week, so he is very busy. I am lucky he is getting the tree out tonight! I will be fine, it was just one of those weak moments. Thanks for the concern.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,072 Posts
Mama, we all have those exhausted moments when we want to run screaming into the night. We were not evolved to mother alone. It is not weak to need more help to parent a child, especially a baby with allergies. It is HARD.

Love our mother's helper.
:

(Protein. Water. Rescue Remedy.)

Pat
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
2,909 Posts
Discussion Starter · #12 ·
I do need to up my water, I have been slacking lately. I also am really bad about taking vitamins [MUST DO BETTER].

I do wish my mom lived close by so she could come babysit and I could go away for a bit. She will be visiting next week though, so I suppose I'll get my chance then.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
5,851 Posts
Here's my opinioin: Don't make reproductive decisions when you're sleep-deprived


Things will improve, get more manageable, get better, and THEN, you can decide about more children. Dh and I were waffling about a 4th child because of dd's allergy issues being so darn draining all.the.time. Then, we got unexpectedly pregnant. Now that ds is here and some time has passed, dd is a piece of cake. Aside from the food adjustments, we all sleep, we all eat, we're all happy. It just took TIME. Save the decision for another day and give it time.

BTW, I'd babysit, too!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,737 Posts
I so wish we all lived near each other. We could do babysitting coops & everything - totally allergen free and maybe some of us could catch up on some sleep.

When DS was around 2 mo he was up in the middle of the night - DH looked at me and said "we're done". And I looked at him and said, "I was done before he was born". I had terrible morning sickness. lol.

That said, we're still done. I'm much too old for this.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,750 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by matey View Post
Thanks everyone for your thoughts and kind words. I'm glad to find understanding here. Shortly after I wrote my post ds fell asleep for a bit, and then started screaming again. My super DH took over and sent me to bed.

On a funny note, while strolling zombie like through walmart, I found a shirt for $3 that said "Silent Night, Yeah Right." We dont normally do shirts that say things, but how could I resist. DS can wear it while we decorate the tree tonight. (Yes, I'll wash it first in clean rinsing detergent and it will be a fake tree-allergies, allergies
)

WuWei - I dont have any family close, and as for friends, well, they all work, I am the only SAHM. I would feel bad asking them to watch ds. DH has a giant paper for grad school due next week, so he is very busy. I am lucky he is getting the tree out tonight! I will be fine, it was just one of those weak moments. Thanks for the concern.

That shirt is awesome- I totally would have bought it too.

Man, we really ARE in the same boat- no family around, DP in school so always very busy, no other SAHM friends... yeah, too bad we don't live closer.


Quote:

Originally Posted by chlobo View Post
I so wish we all lived near each other. We could do babysitting coops & everything - totally allergen free and maybe some of us could catch up on some sleep.
OMG- that would be SO great.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,072 Posts
I am a 'create your village' gal.
: Seriously, connect with the local API, LLL, HMN, Mommies Network, and FYT here at MDC, and local homeschool groups. Start a yahoogroup or ning and create a schedule of events, outings, gatherings, playdates, park days. Post it at the Natural Food stores, library, chiro, yoga, YMCA, etc.

CREATE the network you need. Try your local La Leche League:
http://www.llli.org/webindex.html

Also see if there is an Attachment Parenting International or Holistic Moms Group in your area.
http://www.attachmentparenting.com/
http://www.holisticmoms.org/

Or start one. We have a bunch of HMN mamas just starting a new group. And it is growing.

Another possibility is to start a "Gentle Parenting" support group. Post about it at the groceries, libraries, etc.

Also see if there is a "Mommies" Network. They have them all over now. They are local on-line support for mamas. http://www.themommiesnetwork.org/

Or the new "Meetup" network based upon your interests and location: http://www.meetup.com/

Or the Finding Your Tribe forums! http://www.mothering.com/discussions...isplay.php?f=7

I found just posting play dates at the park, or at our home, to the local online moms' group also added about 40 families in our son's age range for playdates. But, there are many mamas out there with similar situations who can help each other, even just once or twice.

Check out our local "ning": http://xploringholisticalternatives.ning.com/ We have 167 members in just 3 months. There are local allergy support groups also.

Build it and they will come.

Pat
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
8,750 Posts
I wish I could do that Pat... I'm just too paranoid now. I used to go to a parent support group, but then DD had a reaction after playing with the shared toys (and scratched her face bloody) and we haven't gone back.
And then she had a reaction after touching my friend's baby's toy when they came to visit... so apparently we can't have any friends.


That's why I need all you guys to move here so that we can hang out.
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
11,488 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by WuWei View Post
I am a 'create your village' gal.
: Seriously, connect with the local API, LLL, HMN, Mommies Network, and FYT here at MDC, and local homeschool groups.
Pat
I sometimes deliberately post "weird" stuff on our local (Houston-Sugar Land) AP moms and related yahoo groups, stuff like the fermented pickle recipe from Sandor Katz's book, and questions I'm not sure anyone can answer, like where can I get corn tortillas without weird chemicals _and_ that are gluten-free. Hasn't worked yet (the food questions, I mean), but the local homeschooling group has a surprising number of people with food issues (and neither of my kids is actually school-age yet), so even just finding people to talk to who don't look at me like I have two heads has been really helpful. It took a while but I started to find people who understand, at least a bit.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
838 Posts
Oh Mama, I feel for you. My daughter just started reacting to dairy a few months ago and I didn't make the connection until two months and 6 ear infections into it. I feel like a horrid mother for feeding both her and I dairy and never making the connection between the poor sleep, screaming, fussiness, ear infections, congestion, temperament, etc. C'est la vie.

Rest assured that you are a wonderful mother. Allergies or not, motherhood is stressful and I can bet that any number of women will be saying the same thing as you. I can attest that a year ago I had a huge mental breakdown from lack of sleep and stress -- I even thought that "maybe I can't do this; I'm not strong enough to be somebody's mother." It's a year later and now we have an allergy to contend with (and I've recently gone off my antidepressant). Life is throwing us lemons ... let's make lemonade!!

Now I'm going to get kind of spiritual and I'm not always that way. I believe that (as much as it stresses us out), that God gave us these children for a reason. Some have allergies that are worse than others, and some even seem to be allergic to EVERYTHING. These are our children and we love them to pieces -- we'd never trade them for an "upgraded model".

I've talked way too long now. I really just wanted to give you a great big cyber hug!!
 
1 - 20 of 23 Posts
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Top