i just have to give you some support (because your husband sure isn't): you sound like a great mom, very thoughtful.
But the FEAR you feel for your husband really stands out in almost every one of your posts. He seems very harsh with you and you seem to let him get away with that. i feel like you deserve more. You sound like a great person, very honest, a lot of intergrity and very loving mom.....
Originally Posted by joensally
Kids are so great. I personally love ages 1-4 - the twos are a hoot.
Some gentle suggestions from some BTDT experience:
-mom's purse is a no-go - always. What if you have medicine in there? or coins, or lighters or whatever...Until my kids got that, my purse was UP, UP.
Both kids loved to pretend to be like mom - a purse is iconic of got-it- together mommy out in the world getting stuff done, AND it's like a treasure chest.
-magnetic locks rock. I was fully prepared to start wearing the magnet unlocker thing around my neck if necessary. Purge your house of anything she might smear on herself and get it behind locks. This is her thing, so it's predictable that she'll do it again. You do have some level of control over this if you're proactive. Vigilance is a bore
, proactive is easier and takes an afternoon with an occasional review.
-my kids would find yuck stickers funny and possibly engaging...worth a try though.
It sounds to me like she needs to be given some safe alternatives. I would:
- clear one cupboard and keep it unlocked, filled with an occasionally changing variety of kitchen things (plastic measuring cups, containers, blocks, play food... whatever).
-make sure she gets lots of messy play - bubbles, sand, playdough. Chalkboards or whiteboards are also a huge hit with some kids.
- get her a purse or two and put some safe things in there - a comb, some lip gloss of your choosing, a play wallet - go crazy at the dollar store.
-you could also name when you apply make-up "mommy's going out, so I'm putting some lip gloss on..." Then give her times when she puts lip gloss on - "we're going to get the mail, let's put some lip gloss on." This way, it's not a sneak and she knows she's going to get her opportunity. You could also do spa with her - mom puts some nail polish on her toes after a warm bath where she gets to choose which bubble bath to put in herself and had some nice lotion put on.
The thing with the two year old set is that they see the allure of all these lovely things their lovely mommy gets to do, but don't fully understand the context, the limits etc. Giving her some controlled access to some of this stuff may lower the number of incidents. Although be prepared - she may just morph into a climber or other challenging behaviour
.
Stuff happens, and they are constantly changing. I just had to advise DS to stop his habit of putting his thumb in the middle of CDs as his just-grown-some thumb had to be extricated from the hole in the middle of the CD by his mildly panicking mother
.
These are some great ideas, some so familiar because they're things I did as a nanny, and early on w/ dd... it's time to revisit this business. Thanks for the list!
Quote:
Originally Posted by CatskillMtnMama
i just have to give you some support (because your husband sure isn't): you sound like a great mom, very thoughtful.
But the FEAR you feel for your husband really stands out in almost every one of your posts. He seems very harsh with you and you seem to let him get away with that. i feel like you deserve more. You sound like a great person, very honest, a lot of intergrity and very loving mom.....
Liz
Thanks so much. I know... he knows... he's a damaged guy, and I don't like bearing the weight of the effect his damage causes to his ability to manage himself. No excuses. He has been on thin ice for some time due to this very issue. I don't like living in fear. I have learned via counseling with him, to pick my battles... or rather, to pick my timing when preparing peace treaties. We were on the brink of divorce over his attitude not very long ago... he has a ways to go. But he's getting there; slow progress is still progress.
Funny: after he realized there was nothing to freak out about, he was like, "Honey, that must've been so scary for you! Gawd! When did this happen??" I told him it had happened a few days ago, and he said, "Oh, really? Well, then, she must be fine, right? If it's been that long and no redness or anything... good!"
He's a great guy... but he is a jerk sometimes, in situations he doesn't understand or can't control... Capricorn Male... oy!..... and I am afraid of his jerkiness... not that he'd ever hit me or anything... but verbal tyrades get old, too.
erm.. just a quickie but when dh comes home and rescues you and you look and think how great he is at this ... must be better than you right? ... there are TWO of you home at that moment , one to watch dd and one to look like superman just arrived and loaded the washer and clean the kitchen. You are doing a great job being mama , it's 24 7 with no breaks well done you don't sweat the lil incidents ... all kids like to get into stuff it's thier job
So quick update... first, I am so grateful that I have found such support!
Okay, so... the glue-incident has caused a couple of breakthroughs (trying to put it in a positive light): dd now associates "getting into things that are 'off limits' (counter-tops, jewelry box, purse, Dad's drawer, etc)" with glue in the eye... and since that really turned out badly with the Owie Eye Flushing Face in Kitchen Sink situation, "getting into things that are 'off limits'" runs the risk of also really turning out badly! Any little bottle of anything or smll plastic anything..."Is that glue? I don't like glue..." So, we've been capitalizing on that.
Dh also is starting to heed my input re; admonishing unsafe or disrespectful behavior and seeing the results, he is finally on board with other aspects of our co-parenting...
Presently DS is covered in pen b/c he fond one and colored on every inch of exposed skin. I guarantee I will forget to wash it off before we leave, so everyone will coment. I'm just over it.
The glue thing sounds really scary. I live in fear of DS's burgeoning ninja abilities.
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