[+stella+]

This is what I do know. (and i am not even pregnant yet)
I dont want to be expected to be a certain way for my next baby, on the bed, with a monitor, iv lock, etc etc.
I dont want to have to fight off hepb vac, vit k, eye goop, etc.
I dont want anyone else handling the baby, I dont want him or her going to the nursery for even 15 mins so I can go to a discharge class where they are full of bologna anyway.

So, home birth sounds like a good option. But, last time I labored for 18 hours. I got pain meds at umm, 12 hours. I dont think I am upset or unhappy about that birth, but it has put a fear in me about what if I cant handle hours and hours and hours at home. I believe had I been in the hospital and labored for say, 4 or 5 hours and then delivered, I wouldnt have needed any pain med. Ill be honest here and say I had an epi and stadol. This was before MDC land for me, so be gentle.

I just dont know if I could do it. I want to believe I could but... my question is, what would you recommend for someone to read who is somewhat insecure about their abilities to birth at home. The pain, stitches, etc. I dont want to put aside my desires to be out of hospital because of fear, or not believing in myself, but I dont know where to begin.

even a couple amazon links would be much appreciated. tia

 

[tammyswanson]

Well, there is a link here somewhere to the raspberry leaf tea tribe, (RRL) is supposed to help tone and strengthen the uterine muscle and make child birth easier and faster. I'm not sure if it's less painful but if you read the link (I'll do a search here), the original poster said that she recovered VERY quickly.

Me, I'm planning on a UC HB (no midwives around at all here, doubt we could afford them as it is as money is tighter than ever), I have no fear of the pain, but I would be sick from fear if I had to go to a hospital. I have to remember to take my RRL every day, as I'm due in less than 2 months. This is also my first kid, and I have told NO ONE about my plans but my DH.

The best advice I can give you is, listen to your 'inner voice'. It will let you know what to do, trust your instinct that way. That is what I am doing as well. If things happen and my inner voice says that I should go to the hospital

: then I will.

Did you have a bad birth experience with your first birth?

I'll search for the link...

 

[tammyswanson]

Here it is!

http://www.mothering.com/discussions...d.php?t=347728

 

[+stella+]

I dont consider it bad, but if it happened now the way it happened then, I would not be happy.

Then I knew I wanted to do my best to have unmedicated birth. I didnt know many of the things I know now. I took some child birth class offered by the hospital. I had a breathing plan, etc.

What happened was at the time I worked overnights, 8 pm to 8 am. Nothing too strenuous, I actually work in a hospital blood bank. I was at 38 weeks and had come home from working at 8 am feeling kinda crampy. Went to bed and by 10 am was up with painful contractions, took a shower, thought, this is it, and at 1 pm went to the hospital hoping I wouldnt be one of those sent home three times before it was real. I was 3 cm and admitted. I labored in the shower there and on the bed with an IV until about 10 pm, they broke my water. I then had monitors and was stuck to the bed, on my back etc. I wasnt upset about this at the time, now, I dont think Id let them do that. I wasnt really progressing fast and had a shot of stadol to "take the edge off between" wasnt thrilled with that but it had been what I felt like was a long time, especially having been awake with a small 2 hour nap since midday before. So at midnight they suggested an epi so I could sleep / relax / till it was time to push because I had been awake for the better part of 36 hours. So I did and at 4 am had my son and some stitches. Nothing that has left me with bad memories, per say, I just want things differently next time. I got to room in, breastfeed, my OB was one of the more natural in my city, she has since left practice

. My son did get the usual crap in the hospital, he was with me most of the time. (the hospital does not perform circs, so thats one less worry for me)

I know I would have to stand my ground on things I do want now. Like not being offered meds, having my water broken, refusing the baby stuff.
I dont want to tell people over and over how I want things, I dont want the fight, I want peace and for people to agree with what I want and make it be that way. But I am afraid of not being able to "handle" the pain, long labor, the stuff I was denied getting to do the first time because I gave in. I want some empowering reading. Now that I think about it I am upset that because of the epi, etc, I dont believe in myself to labor completely unmedicated.

and thank you for the link!

 

[tammyswanson]

Quote:

Originally Posted by +stella+ What happened was at the time I worked overnights, 8 pm to 8 am. Nothing too strenuous, I actually work in a hospital blood bank. I was at 38 weeks and had come home from working at 8 am feeling kinda crampy. I know I would have to stand my ground on things I do want now. Like not being offered meds, having my water broken, refusing the baby stuff. I dont want to tell people over and over how I want things, I dont want the fight, I want peace and for people to agree with what I want and make it be that way. But I am afraid of not being able to "handle" the pain, long labor, the stuff I was denied getting to do the first time because I gave in. I want some empowering reading. Now that I think about it I am upset that because of the epi, etc, I dont believe in myself to labor completely unmedicated. and thank you for the link!

Maybe you could try looking into hypno birthing for the pain management? Hypnosis is amazing, it really works! If you have the money, you might want to try and find a doula, they are supposed to be a great help with the pain as well, but I'm just telling what I've read in other places.

Not sure if you can have a midwife or not (they don't seem to exist where we are, and now we can't afford diddly squat, let alone a MW), but some of them may be able to administer pain medication.

Have you thought about doing a water birth? I'm also planning on that, they discuss that in the homebirth and UC birth link on this site. Some love it, they say the water really helps with the pain, plus I've also read that having a heating pad or some like cold compresses for pain, especially back labor. I know with me anyway that when I would get killer menstrual cramps sometimes the ONLY thing that would help is a hot water bottle.

Hope some of these suggestions help if you decide to go with a HB. Check out the HB threads, they are a good way to figure out what you want.

Also, listen to your inner voice, it's a good guide as to what to do.

 

[sambelina]

Stella - I really liked reading Ina May Gaskin's books. She wrote Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. This is my first child and homebirth, so I'm a little nervous too. I've just been watching all the births I can and reading good birth stories. I don't watch Baby Story or any of that stuff on tv, because to me it's not encouraging. I only allow positive stories in my house. These are the things that have helped me prepare. I hope it helps you as well.

 

[prancie]

You should read Birthing From Within, from what you are saying, this is the perfect book for you.

 

[twilight girl]

I labored for more than 18 hours *before* I ever got transferred to the hospital! I think it was somewhere in the vicinity of 36 hours before the midwife at the birth center recommended that we go to the hospital. I was probably going on 40-50 hours of labor by the time I got an epidural. By the way, the only reason I got the epi was because the midwife decided that pitocin was needed to stimulate my contractions and she thought the epi would relax me and let things work.

This time, I'm choosing home birth. First off, I just want to be relaxed at home, because I believe my laboring will be more productive if I'm not stressed out about having to go to the hospital, worrying about whether DD is at school, needs to go to school or get picked up, etc, etc. If the labor goes long like the first one, the hospital is still there if I decide I need it.

I just want to be where I'm comfortable, and have my DH and my DD around me without worrying about anything. I hate hospitals and I just want to be peaceful this time around.

One book I read while pregnant with DD was "The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth." I also chose hypnobirthing as my childbirth management method, and while it had some good points, I'm not terribly successful with hypnosis/deep relaxation techniques. Even so, I would recommend it just for the overall approach to childbirth as a natural process that our bodies are made for.

Remember, we are designed for giving birth. You can do it, your body can do it. And don't let other people infect you with their own fears and sense of inadequacies. Birth is ours. It does not belong to doctors and nurses, many of whom undermine us at every step by medicalizing a natural process, and telling us over and over that we *need* their help to do it.

You may also want to check into a free standing birth center run by midwives if that is available to you, as a mid-point between hospital birthing and home birthing.

Good luck!

 

[lyttlewon]

I was given Ina May Gaskins Guide to Childbirth to read. So far I have enjoyed the stories. One thing to consider is when you are at home with your midwife you likely will have a more relaxed environment. I am planning on a waterbirth and from what I understand that helps many women with the pain of childbirth. Also midwives are often more skilled at stress and pain management than L&D staff. I had an excellent nurse at the hospital that had HB all of her children so she was able to support me better.

 

[twilight girl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by lyttlewon I am planning on a waterbirth and from what I understand that helps many women with the pain of childbirth. Also midwives are often more skilled at stress and pain management than L&D staff.

This is so very true! Hospital L&D rarely think outside the box, and they tend to start offering an epi as soon as you show up. They don't try other techniques. At the birth center, I was in absolute bliss when I got in the jacuzzi. It took all the pressure of gravity off of my body, and relaxed my muscles so that when I was having contrax ... they were totally tolerable.

Midwives have lots of techniques, and will spend time with you rubbing your back, whatever you need ...

 

[dot2dot]

I don't really have any great insight, but

I feel really similar:

Quote:

This is what I do know. (and i am not even pregnant yet) I dont want to be expected to be a certain way for my next baby, on the bed, with a monitor, iv lock, etc etc. I dont want to have to fight off hepb vac, vit k, eye goop, etc. I dont want anyone else handling the baby, I dont want him or her going to the nursery for even 15 mins so I can go to a discharge class where they are full of bologna anyway.

Quote:

I dont want to tell people over and over how I want things, I dont want the fight, I want peace and for people to agree with what I want and make it be that way.

I am not pregnant again yet either, but there is this constant dialogue in my head about where I would give birth. Even walking down the hallway I am thinking, "Do I picture myself walking here getting ready to give birth?" or "Is this the right/safest/best place to have a baby?" Then I start making lists of what I know I want that are almost identical to yours. Hopefully when the time comes things will be clearer and we will make the right choices for us. I just wanted to let you know you aren't alone!

 

[yogamama2]

I second (or third!) Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth. It was my favorite reading material during my second pregnancy. I was induced at 37 weeks with my first (PIH, but I was told before the induction it was Pre-E) and with my 2nd I was at a birth center. I also had an epi with my 1st and just had trouble believing I could really give birth naturally. I kept reading and rereading the stories in Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth every time I got scared. Hitting 40 weeks is what really took the fear away - at 42 weeks it would have been an automatic transfer to from the BC to the hospital for an induction and I was WAY more scared of that than of giving birth naturally LOL! 1st birth - 32 hours, horrible tramatic experience, baby in NICU for a week afterward (all complications from the birth). 2nd - 3 1/2 hrs (from start to finish!) completely natural, peaceful and amazing in a birth center. I'll have the next one at home simply to skip the car ride and have a birthing tub! Best of luck - I've been where you are and it's an amazing journey!

Yogamama2

 

[MissMommyNiceNice]

WE used Birthing from Within, and it really helped me get a handle on the pain. I wasn't scared, we've done this, well, forever! All those mothers before me didn't have an epi...mostly, anyway! We didn't even really practice the pain management techniques until about a week before labor & birth. NOt that I actually used too many of them, anyway! Once you hit Laborland, all the practice in the world won't matter. And you might be surprised how quick and easy a labor at home will be in comparison with the hospital. You can move, walk, shower, do laundry, eat, drink, whatever! My mw was really skilled at getting a stalled labor started, even though total I was in labor for less than 9 hours.

Good luck - don't be afraid - all those mothers before you are here to support and guide you in your quest...

 

[+stella+]

thank you all. I intend to do a lot of reading. I am excited about it. At this point a free standing birth center might be more my style because while I know I dont want a hospital, I am not totally sure I want to be at home, but right now I know that I have to do some work on getting myself to the right place before I decide. I appreciate your thoughts immensely!

Ill be hanging around!

 

[weliveintheforest]

Quote:

Originally Posted by +stella+ ThiSo, home birth sounds like a good option. But, last time I labored for 18 hours. I got pain meds at umm, 12 hours. I dont think I am upset or unhappy about that birth, but it has put a fear in me about what if I cant handle hours and hours and hours at home. I believe had I been in the hospital and labored for say, 4 or 5 hours and then delivered, I wouldnt have needed any pain med. Ill be honest here and say I had an epi and stadol. This was before MDC land for me, so be gentle.

I just wanted to say that one of the reasons it might have been hard to cope could have been the breaking of your water, and being on the bed and on the monitors for a long time. At home you would be in your own environment and it might help if you feel like you can do whatever you want.

You could always just meet with a midwife and talk it over and see how you feel!

 

[+stella+]

Quote:

I just wanted to say that one of the reasons it might have been hard to cope could have been the breaking of your water, and being on the bed and on the monitors for a long time.

I am absolutely sure of it. But I was talking with my husband today about my first birth and telling him how next time I dont want to have to be busy, ya know, laboring, and dealing with making sure things are the way I want them and how the nurses and docs, and I dont want to make sweeping generalizations but, for the most part just want you to behave and do what they say.

I think as far as he is concerned I made great strides toward him being cool with home birth, just by reminding him of what you pointed out. I am pretty excited about that.

 

[shellbell]

Quote:

I just wanted to say that one of the reasons it might have been hard to cope could have been the breaking of your water, and being on the bed and on the monitors for a long time.

I sooo agree with this, but (just to add to this awesome point), these were three things that probably added to your discomfort... not just one. The breaking of your water did away with the gentle cushion that is supposed to be there until it breaks on it's own, being on the bed left you unable to shift to your own comfortable positions, and I don't know anyone who enjoys having a monitor strapped to their contracting belly. All three of these circumstances probably contributed to your being uncomfortable enough to get your epidural. That experience says absolutely nothing about your ability to cope with a labor that is unmanaged.

Shell