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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
This isn't my first time posting on this subject, and it probably won't be my last, but WHY does that awful social aggression in girls start so damn early??? And WHY would a child who would never, ever consider treating other kids this way be such a target for the bullies? It seems that these kids seek my daughter out. Maybe because she's just a nice, smart, well-liked kid, the bullies are jealous. Who knows.<br><br>
DD was friends with this little girl (they're in first grade, and DD's about six months older than this child) and suddenly out of the blue the kid started being mean to her for no apparent reason, ignoring her when DD tries to talk to her, or loudly saying "No!" as soon as DD started to say something, and then apologizing, being nice for the rest of the day, and then going right back to being mean the next morning. Today, she told my daughter, "I'm going to do something mean and nasty to someone but I can't tell you who it is," and it turned out that the someone was DD and the mean thing was to stop being her friend and to try to get other girls to join her. None of them went along with it, and one of DD's friends told her what happened. Apparently this kid is "getting into trouble a lot for being bossy," as one of DD's friends told her mom.<br><br>
This sounds like a bullying situation, and most schools have an anti-bullying policy and I think I need to go to the teacher about this. What raised a red flag for me was when I asked DD if this child sat at her table, and she said no, but then said, "But what if she does next time we change tables? Can you please ask the teacher to never put her at my table?" That's really unlike DD - she'll usually give a kid the benefit of the doubt and be willing to "let them in" the next time they are nice to her. She doesn't get really upset, though; her attitude is more one of annoyance and bewilderment, sort of like, "What the heck is HER problem?"<br><br>
DD wants us to meet with her teacher about it, so I will try and set that up tomorrow. Meanwhile, I told DD to give the kid a wide berth, and no more second chances - if she tries to be friendly again, just look her in the eye and calmly say, "I'm sorry, but you're really mean to me and I don't like it, so I can't be your friend."<br><br>
I'm going to be volunteering in DD's classroom tomorrow, and man, I wish I could give this kid a piece of my mind. Brings out the mother tiger in me!
 

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I will never understand the need for being a bully.<br>
I am sorry for your daughter having to deal with such a situation at such a young age.<br>
I hope the situation settles for her and the bully, there is obviously something going on with this girl.
 

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I would be telling my dd the same sorta thing in order to deal with it. I think it's one thing that is helpful-- maybe, i hope-- to give them an 'attitude' to take on. One like that, of calm, straightforeward confidence and letting the mean person know they cant just keep pushing them.<br><br>
i agree that this is a bully situation and needs to be dealt with.
 

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Discussion Starter · #4 ·
Well, DD and I told the teacher this morning what was going on, and she agreed that it needed to be dealt with, and I liked the sensitive way in which she went about choosing what to do - she asked DD if she wanted her to talk to the bullying child alone, or with DD present, or if she should address the whole class and say that she has become aware of some bullying going on. DD said she wanted her to speak to the girl alone. Then the teacher asked me if I wanted her to speak to the child's mother, and I said she should use her judgement, and she said she thought the mother should be told of what's going on. She also said that after the child is spoken to, that she will monitor the situation and that DD should tell her anything that happens and she will write it down, which is good because other than the specific thing that happened yesterday, DD can't seem to remember any specific things this kid has done, she just says she's mean to her a lot. I told the teacher that all I want is for this kid to be told to leave DD alone. Man, I'll still have to restrain myself from telling the kid myself to lay off DD when I go back in to the classroom later this morning!<br><br>
I'm glad it will be dealt with, but I worry that the mom will be pissed that I didn't just call her. This sort of thing recently happened to a friend of mine who's an MDC member here. The fact is, you never know how a mom will react when she's told that her child is being unkind, and such a conversation has a tremendous potential to go really badly. Plus this woman is due with her fourth child next month, and I'm sure she has a lot on her plate. Honestly, that may have a lot to do with her daughter's behavior.
 

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lunamom, It sounds great the way the teacher handled it. Everyone is accountable in this way. I also think it would be a good idea if the class on a whole had a "talk" about bullying and how they can handle it if it happens to them. Honestly, all schools would be doing a great service is they addressed the issue to each grade. The book "Odd girl out" by uh- forgot author- sorry I believe might have also spurred on an educational movement to advise children and parents and educators . That along with 'Colombine'.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><br><br>
check out <a href="http://www.coolassemblies.com/" target="_blank">www.coolassemblies.com/</a><br><br><a href="http://www.antibullying.net" target="_blank">www.antibullying.net</a><br><br><a href="http://www.chooserespect.com" target="_blank">www.chooserespect.com</a><br><br>
I can understand your worry about the mom, but we know as moms ourselves it's difficult to have children carrying on in the world and maybe even getting into trouble without our being able to be there and do anything about it. I think it's a control issue that we must always seek to work through.<br>
Would it be okay if you called her and gave her a heads up?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>LunaMom</strong></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">The fact is, you never know how a mom will react when she's told that her child is being unkind, and such a conversation has a tremendous potential to go really badly. Plus this woman is due with her fourth child next month, and I'm sure she has a lot on her plate. Honestly, that may have a lot to do with her daughter's behavior.</div>
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This is so true....all adults do not act like adults should. If she is a rational lady it should not matter that you went to the teacher...it's logical really. The teacher will be the one to moniter changes in behavior at school<br><br>
Children can be mean, Adults can be mean...with much more experience<br><br>
I am so NOT looking foreward to dd being in school full time.
 

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HI all, I'm new to this board, have been on the EDD club board for a while, but I do have a 4 year old girl and this is one of my fears with Kindergarten quickly approaching.<br><br>
I'm so sorry you and your daughter are having to deal with this.<br><br>
First of all, I'm so very impressed with the way your daughter is able to handle herself and the situation. It's obvious some good parenting has been happening for a long time with your family.<br><br>
Secondly, I totally agree that you should talk with teachers and parents but also echo the "Beware of other Parents..." My own BIL and SIL have a horrible child that I will not let my daughter play with unless I or my husband is around. These parents have been told by friends, family, and strangers, that their child is out of control and they simply don't care. They say that everyone's too hard on him and that he's just a kid. Whatever. They're just lazy in my eyes. So from apathy to anger, the negative side is far-reaching. BUT hopefully, the positive side is too. And you never know unless you try.<br><br>
Again, I really am impressed to see how well you and your daughter have handled this situation and have learned a bit about how I may handle a similar situation in my family's future.<br><br>
Good luck!!
 
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