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I am so damn tired. I just want to crawl into bed and sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep.<br><br>
School is too much right now. Since I was very ill all throughout Xmas break, only had 4 days of any vacation during Spring break...I have basically been going NON-STOP since July. The intensity of the program, the student-teaching, the job search (which, in itself, is a bloody full-time job), etc is beating me down.<br><br>
I am tired of having an amazing dp, who is NEVER frickin' around. I am tired of having a long-distance relationship. I am tired, I am tired, I am tired!!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><br><br>
My poor ds is so angry at me. I have been short-tempered, lacking in patience and just unable to connect with him. Goddamnit...he is only 3.75 years old!!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/bawling.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="bawl"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying"><br><br>
There really is no solution to my issues right now. I am just having a VERY hard time. I have felt this breakdown coming for awhile...I am surprised I have been able to hold it off this long, to be honest. I probably should have dealt with it sooner, but with what time?<br><br>
Everybody, my family, my professors, DP, my cooperating teacher, etc, are absolutely wonderful and supportive. I guess I just need to feel it...deal with it...and regroup again.<br><br>
I don't necessarily know why I am posting this here, especially since I don't always feel like I belong. But, I have seen you all give so much sympathy and hugs, I guess I just figured you might have some for me.<br><br>
Thanks.
 

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You definitely belong here...and we love you, Holland!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
The most important (and sometimes most difficult) thing we need to do as women (especially single parents) is RE-CHARGE. There is a better reason for a sick day other than being sick. Create a long weekend for yourself by taking a day off and just do a few things to really pamper and nuture yourself. I know in the thick of things this seems impossible to do, but in my experience....when we don't listen to these things and take the 1 day off....we tend to get the big kick in the butt where our body decides it can no longer function and you are forced into some down time.<br><br>
Find a moment or two for yourself. Take a few deep breaths and if you can, spend this evening and at least half of the day tomorrow just focusing on fun and something that nurtures you.<br><br>
I know when I'm overwhelmed, I think I can't stop...and yet, everytime I do stop, I find I can get so much more done after because I have more energy and feel more refreshed.<br><br>
You are doing a great job balancing (even though it doesn't feel that way). Your little one has the love of his grandparents, your dp loves you dearly even if he's not with you right now, what you are doing is going to benefit so many kids in the long run, and it will all come together.<br><br>
You are strong and intelligent and loving. You will get through this too.<br><br>
Much love and support coming your way.
 

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I very much know how you feel, and want to offer a <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/hug2.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Hug2">!!<br><br>
Balancing school, single parenting, a relationship, family, jobs/financial concerns...it can get soooo overwhelming!<br><br>
I agree with what MsChats said about taking time to regroup. That's really important, even if it's just one night watching a movie while you catch up on all your laundry/folding. May not seem like a "break" but you get a little bit less pressure.<br><br>
Also...sometimes...just reach out and ask for help. I've been totally swamped this semester as well, and it's the first time in my undergrad or grad career that I've ever asked for extensions...which are always readily given and relieve my stress tremendously!! Be honest about your needs with people, and maybe the great supports you have around can actually relieve a little of your burden.<br><br>
As for reconnecting with ds...I get that way, too, where all my stress seems to come out on my poor kiddos. I think part of it has to do with the fact that, strange as this seems, that's the one non-optional, and so I sometimes resent it more. So when I get like that, I try and set other things aside and just do fun things. That's when we head to chuck e cheese, go swimming in the pool, get out of the house and enjoy the world in other environments. This last week we've done both of those, and are about to have movie night...big signs that it's the end of the semester!! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"> Oh, and I'm honest with the kids about my feelings, apologizing for being grumpy, stressed, etc. I think sometimes just acknowledging emotions and emotional expression helps them develop their own emotional intelligence...<br><br>
Also I switched to paper plates and cups, started using the dishwasher even if its not full, etc. Find help where you can.<br><br>
Good luck with it, all of it, and soon it will be over and you'll look back on this time and say WOW, look what I made it through!!
 

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Since JULY?<br><br>
Oh, mama. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Hang in there. Be as good to yourself as you possibly can, even in little doses. It's how you're going to survive.<br><br>
I hope you are able to breathe soon.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug">
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"> I'm so sorry. Just allow yourself to break down, we all hae done it!! We all have those moments that makes us really question everything.<br><br>
It's okay, it'll be okay. It's okay for your son to see that sometimes mommies get frazzled too. It'll help him learn how to cope in the future. It's okay to let everyone know that you can't be supermom 100% of the time. It's normal, it's okay, you'll get through this!
 

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Discussion Starter #7
Thank you all soooo very much! I really appreciate the support and hugs...I need it.<br><br>
I had the entire day to myself today. My CT (cooperating teacher) told me to take the day off because she knew I was having a difficult time.<br><br>
I slept all morning. I went to get a massage, which was wonderful and eased my tension headache significantly. Although, I have to admit I REALLY had to push myself to go.<br><br>
But, I still don't feel 100% myself. I feel dull, perhaps numb would be a better word. I just don't feel like myself. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/greensad.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="greensad"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/guilty.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="guilty"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/gloomy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Gloomy">:<br><br>
It could be pms, but it would be about 3-4 days early. Who the heck knows.<br><br>
Hopefully, after a good night's sleep, life will look much rosier in the morning. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/praying.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="praying">:<br><br>
Again...thank you all so much. You truly are all amazing, sympathetic and caring women. THANK YOU!
 

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Holland, please arrange things so that you have a European-length vacation after you turn in grades. Borrow money to live on during that time if you must. But you need to recover, to convalesce. Days to sleep, walk outside, lie in the sun, listen to your boy, long hours to sit at a cafe table outside like a sick person recovering, not even really reading, do crafts, recall your body. I think you'll find you come back fairly quickly but the kind of nonstop you're talking about will eventually embitter you towards your work, and then all this hard work will be down the drain.<br><br>
Exhaustion is terrible. I remember that in the months after stbx upended our lives I chose coffee mugs by weight, because some seemed too heavy to pick up. Collapsing when the collapse comes is helpful. It sounds like your professors want to preserve your investment and theirs in your education, and also like you. Let them help you arrange for a rest and figure out timing. You'll need to take care of the students but if there's no group depending on your results, all your work will still be there when you come back. And then when you're recovered a bit let them help you find a saner way of working, with the understanding that being mother to a young child is a temporary thing. Better to work out something realistic than to seem flaky longterm.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hug.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hug"><br><br>
Holland, I'm glad to hear you got a sick-prevention day. I hope that let you get plenty of sound sleep, which always helps.
 
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