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<p>My 4yo and I are good friends with another mother and her 5yo daughter. They are the nicest folks and we spend at least one afternoon a week with them; as such, the problem I'm about to describe does come up frequently.</p>
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<p>My daughter absolutely loves the other girl's toys--in a way that would make you think she has none of her own at home! I know that toys at someone else's house <em>always</em> look better than your own, but every so often my daughter has a total  meltdown when it's time to leave because she can't bear to part with whatever toy of the other girl's that she happens to be playing with at the time (this is after lots of warnings that our departure time is coming up, so she does have notice about nearing end of the playtime). The other mom sees the meltdown starting and will talk her daughter into lending the toy in question to my DD for a "sleepover" as she calls it, at the same time that I am trying to explain to my daughter that the toy lives at the other house, it's the friend's special toy, etc. So she's getting mixed messages at the time of the meltdown and we usually end up leaving with the toy. The other girl doesn't seem to care either way about the toy in question and follows her mom's suggestion about the sleepover.</p>
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<p>This happened again today at the end of a playdate. I specifically set up to meet the mom and daughter at a park so we could avoid the leaving-the-house-with-a-toy-drama, but the other girl brought some toys to the park, including a doll that my daughter was playing with toward the end of the playdate (the other girl had another doll she played with at the same time). My daughter had a full-on crying fit and I got down on her level and tried to explain to her that the doll was the other girl's and had to go home with her, etc., but she just did not want to hear it. I think she was waiting to hear the other mom ask her daughter to allow my DD to borrow the doll, since this is the pattern that has been established. I just feel so awkward about this whole exchange when it happens and am looking for any advice. I don't get the sense that the other mom or daughter are put out by the borrowing of the toy, but I don't want my DD to use a meltdown to facilitate the borrowing. I've tried to explain to her that she can <em>ask</em> to borrow the toy if she wants to keep playing with it past the playdate, but she gets super nonverbal during her meltdowns. I am close enough to the other mom to probably ask her to have her daughter leave toys at home at these outings, but I want to work on our end more to address this situation, too. Oh, and although I often suggest that my DD bring her own toys to a playdate to share with her friend, she never wants to. She's not one to travel with much gear.</p>
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<p>Any ideas!? TIA. </p>
 

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<p>I would tell the other mom, "I am trying to teach dd that having a fit will not get her what she wants, so please don't offer to let her take home a toy when she is having a tantrum."</p>
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<p>I had this problem with my oldest. She would cry and carry on when we left grandma's house. Grandma or Grandpa would always try to give her snacks, a small toy, etc. because they hated to see her cry. I had to be VERY firm in expressing that they were contributing to the ongoing behavior because she was being rewarded for having a fit. When I got them on board with not trying to bribe her things went much more smoothly.</p>
 
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