[Milkymommi]

Have any of you suffered with short term memory loss? About 2 weeks after Micah passed I started to have some prety big issues with this.
I am still dealing with it and it's driving me crazy on one hand but on the other I sort of appreciate it. Wierd right? Here's the scoop on that...

It seems like it's my brain's way of defending itself. I don't generally think about very much anymore. My mind is often blank and when it's not it's usually full with thoughts of what I have going on at that moment or fleeting thoughts here and there about what I need to try to remember about the next day etc. I'm always consumed with thoughts of the baby but that seems to be coming from a completely different place within myself.

It's strange because I am a pretty high strung person normally. I tend to get stressed out easily and most of the time it's about trivial things like bills etc. Now I just don't even care anymore. Not in a depressed way, I just literally can't even remember things! I don't think about them. It's as if I can't.

I'm also forgetting other things too that seem a little more strange. For instance, I watched a movie with DH that I can't remember AT ALL. I lost all memory of it by the next day. Conversations, appointments, where I put things... I forgot my daughter at school today. She returned from a week long trip with her class and I drove all the way there ( 30 minutes to another state- they attend private school) picked up my boys and forgot my dd. I got all the way back to RI before I realized what I did. I only remembered because she called!!

I'm really struggling here. Dr says she believes I'm suffering from PTSD

I mentioned the memory loss to her and she assured me it would pass eventually. It's really disturbing though.

 

[SMR]

I find that my memory is not as great either.. I've wondered if it's because my thoughts are so consumed with Dresden so much of the time.. but it doesn't sound as much of a memory loss as yours.. just kind of on a small scale. Like remember who I said something to, or what a movie was about.. that kind of thing. I think it is a way of protecting ourselves too.

 

[no5no5]

I have _always_ had memory issues but after DD was born they were much worse. I also had no energy and no motivation but like you I didn't feel "depressed." I now attribute both to autoimmune thyroiditis. And I have heard that many thyroid problems appear postpartum. So you might want to get that checked out. And if you do get it checked out, remember to get more than just your TSH checked. You need both antibody levels at a minimum.

Good luck to you. I hope you find some answers. I know how difficult it can be to just feel off and not know why.

 

[lisa_nc]

Yes!! It's terrible!

 

[JayJay]

Ah! Your memory loss sounds very fine and normal. I had the same thing, and it's really only just started lifting in the last week or so.

It's more than likely a very natural stress reaction - even without PTSD involved. There are various degrees at which you can be affected prior to a full blown diagnosis of PTSD - which is not an enviable diagnosis, since many in the mental health world believe it is a chronic and incurable condition. So - try not to get yourself officially diagnosed! You may not be helped as much...funny as that might sound.

The reason your body is doing what it is, is that all of a sudden, your level of priority has gone from "I must pay the bills" to "I must figure out how to stay alive and mentally healthy". When you are shot, physically, and bleeding to death from the wound, you're not going to think about paying the gas bill. You're going to think about stopping the flow of blood and surviving. Similarly, your mind is stopping you from thinking about things it considers trivial, in order to make space for the enormous issue it has to wrestle with and reformulate itself around right now.

Of course, some things will unfortunately get caught up in the rush - like forgetting your daughter for example. That is unfortunate, but it's to be expected - your head is in "emergency crisis mode" using "back up power". What my mum told me to do, which helped, is make a list when you remember whatever it is you are supposed to do, and carry it about with you. I certainly made me feel less useless!

But as you begin to incorporate your LO's death into your life - which is possible, and very healthy - this memory loss will subside. It will help to use this time to re-evaluate what it is you want from life, and make those changes. For example if, like me, you had a high powered, very stressful job before the baby came, you might want to consider if that is something you want to continue doing. That will also help with the memory.

All in all, it's just a safety net in your head - nothing to get too panicked about, just something to deal with using tools like lists, for example. I think most people will feel this way after the loss of a child, or anyone very, very dear to them. You're normal, and you will feel normal again, I promise

*HUGE hugs*

XXX

 

[NullSet]

JayJay is right, lists will help a lot.

 

[Milkymommi]

Quote:

Originally Posted by no5no5 I have _always_ had memory issues but after DD was born they were much worse. I also had no energy and no motivation but like you I didn't feel "depressed." I now attribute both to autoimmune thyroiditis. And I have heard that many thyroid problems appear postpartum. So you might want to get that checked out. And if you do get it checked out, remember to get more than just your TSH checked. You need both antibody levels at a minimum.

Yes! I'm actually having my 6 week pp visit at 8 weeks which is this week coming up... my GP is doing it so that I don't have to go back to the OB's office. She gave me a lab slip and is having me do a whole work up. So many things can go haywire after pregnancy that aren't always caught.

Quote:

Originally Posted by apecaut JayJay is right, lists will help a lot.

I'm all about the lists right now. I have one in my purse and one on my fridge. It's definately helping. I just started doing it this week and it's certainly helping me but I honestly don't always remember to actually write some of the things down when I think of them- kwim? I believe it will get better at some point... at least I hope so. I'm not seeking diagnosis for ANYTHING as I already have enough on my plate with that. I'm bi polar and recieved that "diagnosis" at 5 yo. Mild, but still a struggle.

 

[birthangeldoula]

Ahhh lists. My best friend.