[obxbound]

Hi everyone. I need guidance and suggestions on how to mentally prepare for a NICU stay. I am pregnant with momo twins that will very likely end up in the NICU. I have all sorts of fears I am trying to confront from breastfeeding to being apart from them. I was premature and spent a month in the hospital. My mom used to tell me the story often on how hard it was for her to leave me. It's part of my birth story. Part of who I am. (she's been very careful since we found out about them being momo)

I went to the NICU on my hospital tour and was able to speak with the staff, but was unable to see babies. I've just started feeling like I can confront my concerns and have started reading this board. I'm trying to work through my fears and would appreciate any suggestions for how to best prepare for the stay.

Tina

 

[buckysprplmonkey]

Stopping by this board is a perfect first step. There is alot of support here. I had to distance myself from my DDC and spend my time here for a while, because it was really hard to hear the pregnancy chatter there when I was running back and forth between home and hospital for two months.

Line up family and friends around you to help, especially if you have other kids at home. We had people cleaning the house for us, bringing meals, walking the dog, watching the other kids (as Murphy's Law would have it, our tiny preemie was number 4 kid in the house.) etc.

This free ebook is by a former coworker of my DH and skimming through to the end and knowing that the baby turned out perfect was really comforting to us. I think reading/hearing success stories from others really helped me. And I sought out the people around me who I knew had preemies in the past.

I started gathering little cards and post it notes to leave for nurses and docs (and even other parents) while we were in the NICU. Being proactive about communication while you're there is really key to a good stay and getting cute little things to communicate with was sort of like preparing to meet a whole lot of new friends.

 

[[email protected]]

My second was a preemie (33 weeks) and spent 21 days in the NICU, it came as a surprise so I wasn't able to do much in advance. A few things that helped me with the separation (I had a 2.5 year old at home so couldn't be there all the time) was to have dh stop by and visit on his way to work in the morning then I would go in the afternoon. I also would wake in the middle of the night/wee hours of the morning and I'd get up and pump. While I was pumping I'd call and talk to the night nurse. I didn't otherwise see this person so it was nice to check in, see how the night went, etc. Also, take advantage of whatever support they offer, lactation consultants, social workers etc.

I hope that if you end up in the NICU, your experience is uneventful and short!

 

[buckysprplmonkey]

I just remembered this site I recently discovered: http://www.fetalhope.org/
It's a group geared toward helping families who have/had babies with in utero syndromes like twin to twin trasfusion, amniotic band, etc. I think they'd be a big comfort, reading the stories, etc. I don't know of anything specifically regarding momo, but this site has been nice for us (we dealt with amniotic bands) even after DS came. It's less the preemie side of things and more the in uterine stressor, but I think is helpful.

 

[Siera]

The PP all had good advice. Definitely be proactive in involving yourself in the day-to-day routines. Don't be afraid to question everything they do. If you plan on breastfeeding, plan on pumping almost immediately and talk to the NICU nurses about storage/pumping facilities there at the NICU and make sure they know you are pumping so they don't undermine your efforts with some formula if it is not necessary. Be prepared for a variety of emotions -- anything is possible. The hardest part for me was going home from the hospital without a baby. That just felt so weird; like I hadn't given birth. But, those little babies truly are inspirational in all that they can do and undergo. Like someone else mentioned, try to have a support group (DH, family, friends) there ready to help you. You'll probably want someone to wash clothes, clean your house, feed pets, feed you, etc. You won't want to be thinking about those kinds of things. Avoid those you know are negative or might possibly make you feel bad (my MIL, for instance...). You need all the positive energy you can have around you. Good luck; it is sometimes a rough ride, but several months down the line, you will see what beautiful little 3 and 4 month olds they have turned into!!

:

 

[sbrinton]

I read your post and also your most recent blog entry about preparing for the NICU. I want to encourage you that you can help make the NICU a much more nurturing place for your babies.

My son Zephan was born at 31 weeks and he's still in the NICU almost 3 weeks later. Our hospital practices developmental, family centered care. This means they keep the rooms quiet and dark, position the babies so they are cuddled, encourage mom and dad to do kangaroo care and to be involved in everything they can with their babies, welcome (healthy) siblings and extended family to visit, etc. Our NICU is also very pro-breastfeeding. From what I understand, there is a lot of research out there to support all of this.

I would suggest reading or at least skimming a few books about preemies and the NICU. If you want to breastfeed, I would also suggest learning as much as you can about that.

Our hospital let me put our son to the breast while doing kangaroo care at 31 weeks (as soon as he was off oxygen and had demonstrated sucking on a pacifier). At 32 weeks, he began to latch and suckle for comfort. At 33 weeks, we began to measure how much he was taking by breast. At first he would get less than 1/3 ounce. By the time he was 34 weeks, he was taking 1-2 ounces of milk at each feeding. We've slowly increased the number of feedings and he'll probably leave the hospital almost exclusively breastfed, hopefully in the next week.

The doctors, nurses and lac consultants all agree that all the nurturing, skin-to-skin contact, nuzzling at the breast, etc has really helped him to do well.

Know that while the NICU is a medical, sometimes scary place, you have a really important job there and that will be to nurture and comfort your little ones as no one else can!

 

[sofiabugmom]

First,

.

A little background: I only had one week of mental prep time for our month of NICU; DD was just fine until week 30 when she decided to tell us she wanted out by "kicking a hole in the swimming pool" as DH calls it. We managed to convince her to stay in one more week, but then she won the battle. We were lucky in that she was in the more intensive section for only a week, then feeder/grower for the last three weeks, but it was still hard.

The one thing that helped me the most was remember that *I* was her mother, not the nurses, not the doctors. I didn't act as if I knew more about the situation than they did, but my mommy mindset helped keep me actively involved in her care. I read her chart, I asked questions, I stood up for my child when necessary (there was nearly a hole between the fourth and fifth floors of the hospital when I found out they gave her formula without my permission and without being medically necessary). As soon as is possible, hold them, change their diapers, change their clothes. Sing to them, read them stories, tape some pictures on their basinettes. They'll need mommy-ing as much as they need doctoring.

Another important one that I want to mention again: take care of yourself. Your thoughts, attention and emotions are naturally going to be on your babes but you and DH need care as well. Try to get sleep, eat regularly (you might even get a discount card for the hospital cafeteria, we did) and take some walks outside as weather permits. If friends ask how they can help, see if anyone can arrange for meals for you or run some errands that you don't have time to do.

Finally, post here when you need to. Those of us who've BTDT are here to listen and advise as you want!

HTH!

 

[OGirlieMama]

You're smart to be thinking about this now and preparing. I had time to prepare (2 weeks on the high risk unit with PTL) but was in denial and was pretty clueless when my girls arrived in the NICU.

One thing I highly recommend is the book I and many other preemie moms have found useful: Preemies: The Essential Guide. You can get it on Amazon. It's great at explaining some of the stuff that the neos and nurses will either gloss over or you'll forget as soon as they say it. Mothering Multiples is also useful and has a section on the NICU and nursing problems I think.

Other than being armed with knowledge, I don't know what you can do to emotionally prepare yourself. I think you don't know how you'll react until you are there, and that goes for your Mom, too. I am trying right now to imagine my girls having to deal with a premature birth and NICU stay and how I would handle that. It's entirely possible that I would become an overbearing PITA because I've BTDT. I don't know your Mom or your relationship one bit, but I would consider the possibility that she might handle it badly and try and be understanding about that.

Good luck with your twins - I'll be watching for your updates!

 

[obxbound]

I can't say what I want to say right now, so I will write more later, but I just wanted to post a quick note to say thank you so very much for all of your responses.

 

[obxbound]

Thank you all for your kind and thoughtful responses. You have helped me forward in my processing and where I need to be. Thank you.

 

[~Destiny&Miracles~]

Honestly I don't think there is any way to really prepare for the NICU. My son was a 24 weeker and spent 227 days there before coming home. Your situation is definitely different but looking back I don't think there was a way to get ready for it if I had the chance.

You just have to remember to take each day as it comes and try not to focus on the next days.

HUGS

 

[keilonwy]

Oh, Momma, you're in for a hard ride, but you'll be fine.

I developed severe preeclampsia in my 27th week of pregnancy, and my son was born on his 28 week birthday. We were in the NICU for 67 days. I don't know anything to say that will prepare you for the roller coaster you are in for, except that you will absolutely get through it - we are much more resilient than we give ourselves credit for, and so are our babies.

Since I got sick so fast, I didn't have any time to prepare mentally, but what I ended up doing was essentially isolating myself for probably two weeks. I was still in the hospital, which helped, but I didn't want to talk to anyone except my husband and mother. Leaving the hospital was hard, but we were lucky enough to get an apartment close by, so I didn't have to actually go to our home without my baby.

I also really do not recommend Preemies, but highly recommend Dr. Sears's Premature Baby Book. I felt Preemies to be pretty sensationalist and negative, but that's just me. It may be good for you because it goes more in-depth into specific situations, and I'd be happy to send you our copy if you decide that it's the right book for you.

We also kept a journal in the NICU, writing daily entries from Peter's point of view, and I thought it was really helpful. Though I didn't actually write an entry for a week, it was nice when I started because it forced me to find something positive to focus on that day.

You will be amazing, and your babies will too.

 

[keilonwy]

Although I mentioned Dr. Sears in the last post I wrote, I actually didn't read any of the books. I trusted my son's neonatologist and nurses, and that was really important. Because I trusted them so much, I knew that if there were a problem with Peter they would tell me...and if not, I didn't need to worry about it. While I think a general understanding is great, and asking for clarification from nurses is also great, I would advise not to overread, because there is lots of stuff out there that will scare you but not apply to your situation. It was really helpful for me when I stopped reading the books and started to just focus on what was happening with my son, the individual.

 

[sbrinton]

I remembered the book I wanted to suggest. Parenting Your Premature Baby by Davis and Stein is great! The book includes a lot of helpful information about the emotions you may face through bed rest, having a preterm baby, being in the NICU, and parenting your children. We read this while I was on bedrest and I thought it was excellent.

 

[mama2mygirl]

My dd was only in NICU a couple weeks. She was my first so I was able to stay with her. I only came home once. It was completely doable and I cam imagine doing it for a month.
This time, it looks like baby might come early. (Shortened cervix and I've been in and out of the hospital.) It's more complicatd having a kindergartner but I will sleep there as much as I can.

 

[keilonwy]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama2mygirl My dd was only in NICU a couple weeks. She was my first so I was able to stay with her. I only came home once. It was completely doable and I cam imagine doing it for a month.

OK, I hate to disagree...but...

When you are in the NICU for a long time, not just a couple weeks (I don't mean for "just" to sound condescending), you absolutely cannot expect yourself to be there 24/7. It is bad for you, and by extension, it is bad for your babies. You need to eat good food. You need to get sleep. You need to be away from the monitors every so often. The "I" in NICU stands for "intense" for a reason: it is a really, really intense place to be. For a while, I felt guilty every time I left, like it meant I didn't love Gwyn, and that's not the case. You cannot live even a semi-normal life in a NICU, and (I know it seems impossible) you need to return to as much normalcy as you can in order to maintain your sanity and give your babies a complete momma when they come home.

I was in the hospital for two weeks after DS's birth until my blood pressure stableized, so I was right down the hall from him in maternity and just an elevator ride away when I was in the ICU. After that, my husband and I had an apartment nearby, and so I was only five minutes away from the hospital. I was there quite a lot, but I didn't expect myself to be there all the time. Sleeping in a recliner there is okay for a few nights (I did when my son recieved an overdose of Vancomycin until we knew he was all right), but the sleep you get isn't restful...your babies need you to be healthy and as rested as possible! You really really don't want to get a cold and not be able to be at the NICU at all.

I think the fact that I wasn't there all the time also really helped my relationship with the nurses and my neonatologist. I mentioned earlier in the thread that I didn't read any books and was able to concentrate purely on the information that they provided me specific to Peter. That's because we had such an environment of trust, respect, and eventually even love - largely, I'm sure, because they knew that I trusted them to do their job even when I wasn't there. Having that kind of relationship with them really helped my time in the NICU to be more bearable.

 

[keilonwy]

Why is there a red thumbs down? I didn't put that there...

 

[sarlusan]

Quote:

Originally Posted by keilonwy When you are in the NICU for a long time, not just a couple weeks (I don't mean for "just" to sound condescending), you absolutely cannot expect yourself to be there 24/7.

Neither of the two hospitals I have had preemies in would have ever considered allowing me to stay overnight there past the two days allowed by my insurance! I find it interesting that some even offer the option to do that. For my first preemie, who was right in town, I went twice a day. For my second, who was farther away (and with a 22 month old at home), I went once a day. I wish I could have been there more often, but... we do what we can. They both seem to be pretty well emotionally adjusted now!

 

[mama2mygirl]

Quote:

Originally Posted by keilonwy OK, I hate to disagree...but... When you are in the NICU for a long time, not just a couple weeks (I don't mean for "just" to sound condescending), you absolutely cannot expect yourself to be there 24/7. It is bad for you, and by extension, it is bad for your babies. You need to eat good food. You need to get sleep. You need to be away from the monitors every so often. The "I" in NICU stands for "intense" for a reason: it is a really, really intense place to be. For a while, I felt guilty every time I left, like it meant I didn't love Gwyn, and that's not the case. You cannot live even a semi-normal life in a NICU, and (I know it seems impossible) you need to return to as much normalcy as you can in order to maintain your sanity and give your babies a complete momma when they come home. I was in the hospital for two weeks after DS's birth until my blood pressure stableized, so I was right down the hall from him in maternity and just an elevator ride away when I was in the ICU. After that, my husband and I had an apartment nearby, and so I was only five minutes away from the hospital. I was there quite a lot, but I didn't expect myself to be there all the time. Sleeping in a recliner there is okay for a few nights (I did when my son recieved an overdose of Vancomycin until we knew he was all right), but the sleep you get isn't restful...your babies need you to be healthy and as rested as possible! You really really don't want to get a cold and not be able to be at the NICU at all. I think the fact that I wasn't there all the time also really helped my relationship with the nurses and my neonatologist. I mentioned earlier in the thread that I didn't read any books and was able to concentrate purely on the information that they provided me specific to Peter. That's because we had such an environment of trust, respect, and eventually even love - largely, I'm sure, because they knew that I trusted them to do their job even when I wasn't there. Having that kind of relationship with them really helped my time in the NICU to be more bearable.

Sorry my experience wasn't bad enough for you.

:

There was a mother there at the same time and she stayed for weeks. My point is and was, if you want to stay you it is a possibility.
I've been on bedrest for weeks now and in and out of the hospital and if this baby comes early, I plan on staying again.

 

[Siera]

I stayed in the NICU with my DD for 7 weeks -- I can't imagine being anywhere else.