[jesbentink]

12-19-08 Thanks to everyone who replied. You never know what is going on in someones life! I am glad that I met with her again because now I have complete confidence in her!

I am having some trouble feeling completely comfortable with my midwife that I have chosen for this birth. I am 26 weeks along and decided to do a home birth early on in the pregnancy. My midwife is 30 minutes away from me and has about 13 years experience. Her main clientele are Amish(though she is not) so I don't know if it's just the difference in life style or what. I called her 2 hours before an appointment last Thursday, to make sure she was not at a birth. She answered sleepily(she had lots of births earlier in the week, understandable) and asked if we could reschedule for next week. I called yesterday and left a message saying that I wanted to schedule my monthly appointment and she didn't call me back. I called today and got a hold of her and made an appointment for next week, which is fine with me. I'm in no hurry to get in to see her because I know I'm fine, baby's fine, etc. It's just that I don't feel like she cares or is giving me the time of day. I did interview another midwife(an hour away) whom I keep in contact with via email but she is not as experienced(had only done 8 home births on her own when I interviewed her 3 months ago) as I would like(I will be having a VBAC). I do mesh very well with her though. And she has told me that she will make sure that she has a more experienced back up midwife in case we need one. Would any of you switch? I do occasionally see a Nurse midwife so that I have that hospital connection if I need it. She is very supportive of my homebirth decision so maybe I'll see what she thinks. Any advice from anyone out there? Thanks in advance!

 

[hikingmommy]

If you think you'd be comfortable w/ the MW you like better, I'd switch. I really like the MW I've chosen, and it makes me feel really good knowing she'll be at the birth. (I'll be having a VBAC too.) If you don't think you'll like having your current MW at the birth, and I'd go w/ the other one. Does the less experienced one have any VBAC experience? Does she have another MW who will come w/ her to help out at the birth? Maybe she could find a more experienced MW to help then.

 

[Gena 22]

Absolutely switch! Being able to trust and rely on your MW when you're in labor and birthing is so important. You don't want conflict, or fighting with those caring for you, which is part of the reason you're planning a homebirth, right?

Experience is important, but I'd say trust and communication can be more so. Go with your instinct. Cut your MW some slack for not getting back to you in a timely manner. It's not good practice, but she does work crazy hours. But, putting that aside, if you're not feeling right about how you get along, switching might be good. You have plenty of time before the birth to get to know a new MW.

This is something I have a little experience with. My first MW went on vacation halfway into my labor. Which was a blessing. Small misunderstandings in prenatal care blossomed into more serious problems during birthing. Nothing that would threaten my health or my babies', but I was headed for a necessary transfer. There were a couple issues, but most of all I was vomiting and dehydrated. I couldn't drink anything and needed an IV, which my first MW either didn't have or wouldn't get. Her back-up was wonderful. She came in, gave me 2 liters of IV fluid and presto, I was fully dilated and ready to push. It helped that something about my second MW's manner was so competent I was happy to totally rely on her, while at the same time expressing my thoughts and preferences.

Both of these midwives work with the Amish, actually! PM if you want more details. Maybe we had the same first MW.

Best birthing and preg. wishes!

 

[MsBlack]

I'm not sure I'd go with either of these midwives if there were anyone else available....have you found out if there are any other mws within acceptable distance? Maybe if you post a note to your Tribal forum here (finding your tribe section, look for your state) you will find that there are more mws around to check into.

If not, and you really feel good about the less experienced mw, maybe you should go with her (since she does have experienced backup). Sounds like the other mw is maybe too busy--and if she is too busy for prenatals or even for returning ph calls, she may have a hard time getting to your birth-- or at anyway, getting there well-enough rested to be much good to you.

 

[katmann]

Maybe it would be worth bringing up your concerns with your current midwife. If you're thinking of leaving her anyway, what can it hurt? Her response to your concerns would give you a much better idea of how supportive she'll be in the future. If she gets defensive or dismissive, you know you should find someone else. But if she is receptive and addresses your concerns openly, then maybe she was just having an off week. It might strengthen your relationship and make you feel more comfortable about working with her.

 

[MidwifeErika]

The other midwife who you said has done 8 homebirths on her own.... does she have a lot of experience working under someone as well or only those 8 as primary? How do you feel about her experience level?

 

[jesbentink]

The MW with less experience has done over 100 births with either a Nurse MW in a hospital or a MW in home. So she has done lots...just not on her own. I'm really leaning towards her right now but still need some time to think. I do not have a whole lot of options that are at a close/comfortable distance.

 

[NicswifeSarah]

Quote:

Originally Posted by jesbentink The MW with less experience has done over 100 births with either a Nurse MW in a hospital or a MW in home. So she has done lots...just not on her own. I'm really leaning towards her right now but still need some time to think. I do not have a whole lot of options that are at a close/comfortable distance.

you've got a big decision on your hands! one thing to think about though, regarding experience with VBAC, is that every MW has to start somewhere. they don't get the experience, without moms who are willing to trust them, you know?

 

[jesbentink]

I just met with my midwife and feel much more comfortable. You never know what is going on in someones life so I should have waited to be skeptical before I saw her again. Anyway, thanks to all of you who replied!