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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, I had planned on having the same midwife for this baby as I had last time but I'm not so sure now.<br><br>
With ds I had a midwife who is also a friend. She was a student at the time and I ended up being the first birth she attended right after she became licensed.<br><br>
It was an amazing birth and the reason I had chosen her was because her birth philosophy so closely mirrors my own and I knew I could trust her to respect my wishes and give me the hands-off birth I desired.<br><br>
We have kept in touch the last two years and continue to see each other occasionally. The problem is that she is, and has always been, well... flaky. She's a terribly flaky friend and unreliable as to whether she will ever follow through with what she says. As a friend I've just accepted that this is who she is and not put myself in a position to rely on her for anything.<br><br>
But if she is my midwife that changes things. It worked out okay before because she was a student and therefore had to follow through with the appointments and such- she needed them to graduate but now there won't be that 'pressure' to follow through.<br><br>
She hasn't started practicing yet either. I know she's assisted a few births but hasn't had any clients of her own and that doesn't give me an idea of how she handles things now that she is on her own.<br><br>
I tried emailing and FBing her over the last few weeks just to see if she would respond at all. She lost part of my hypnobabies set and I was asking if she'd ever found it (over the last two years) and just asked how she is doing but she hasn't even responded to that yet. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/irked.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="irked"><br><br>
I don't want to contact her about the birth or tell her I'm pregnant until I know for sure what I'm going to do as she assumes I will use her for future births.<br><br>
The other problem is that there is another midwife who I've worked with who I think would assume I'd use her if I wasn't using this midwife and I don't want to use her either! But it would also put me in a position to 'turn down' a midwife that I actually work with. Which, of course, isn't the greatest business step.<br><br>
Anyway, any thoughts or suggestions?
 

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Part of being a midwife is respecting women's choices even if they decide to go with someone else. I don't think either of the people you've described would want you to do anything that you weren't completely comfortable with. If I were you I would just find the right midwife and not worry too much about what anyone else thinks. It wouldn't hurt anything to not tell them until after you've found a midwife you like, though <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>lynsage</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15381890"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">If I were you I would just find the right midwife and not worry too much about what anyone else thinks.</div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"> You need to feel comfortable and cared for by your m/w. This is YOUR birth, so do what is best for you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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As someone who dealt with a flaky midwife last time around <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> I can honestly give you my opinion that it isn't worth the stress and drama. But anyway, you're the mama. You get to choose the provider you want, the one you're most confident with. In this, at least, it is totally all about you and the baby. Good luck making a decision!
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
Thanks mamas.<br>
I'm thinking I might talk to her and address my concerns. I feel that would be better than ruling her out for 'no reason' (as it would seem to her) and leaving her wondering what went wrong after the awesome birth I had last time.<br><br>
I don't need a lot of attention in pregnancy. I just need to know that I can get the labs I need and that she'll show up for the birth (I know she wouldn't skip the birth <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">)<br><br>
And sadly, I know that people's feelings get hurt or they get offended about this kind of thing. The midwives in this area are not as professional and a lot more personal about things than I would like. I know partly because I didn't choose a certain midwife last time who assumed I would and it caused a huge ordeal. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/eyesroll.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="roll">
 
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