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Midwife issues

479 Views 11 Replies 9 Participants Last post by  ksjhwkr, 
P
I am beyond upset. My midwife just dropped me. She's dealing with personal issues, but I feel so sad. I have severe abandonment issues myself and this is not helping. My last mw (at dd's birth) left when the birth was over (no clean up or anything) and did no postpartums. I ended up in the hospital with a uterine infection which would have been avoided if she had done her job. So I was just warming up to the whole situation and I got the call. She offered to hand me over to her "partner" who just became a midwife. She might be great, but I *need* someone with experience given my last two births. Not that they were complicated, but they were difficult. I need someone seasoned who really trusts birth. I really don't have many other options now. I'm trying to stay positive, but we're in a really bad place as it is. We are closing our business at the end of the month, and we are so deep in debt it's absurd. i just don't need to deal with this. Sorry for the vent.
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G
I am so sorry this has happened to you! I don't know what I would have done if my midwife had up and dropped me halfway through my pregnancy. I hope you are able to find someone with more experience with whom you feel comfortable.
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O


you must feel very frustarted and dissapointed

is there any way you could spend some time getting to know another midwife or do you not feel comfortable allowing yourself to vulnerable to feeling hurt again?

sorry you have had such negative experiences

maybe there are some mothers on mdc who could reccomend a midwife to you?
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M
Oh my gosh, that is HORRIBLE! I'm so sorry you are going through all of this.


Could you try posting on the "Find my tribe" area and see if there are some other mws you haven't heard about?

Sending lots of positive vibes your way...
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J
I am so sorry that this happened. It must be very frustrating. I hope you find a confident and gentle care provider. Keeping you in my prayers.
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M
Oh, no! I am so sorry. Are there other midwives in the area that you could interview? I think I would be hesitant to go with a brand new midwife too, even though everyone has to start somewhere. Good luck!
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P
Unfortunatly I am very informed about the birth options in my community. I also live out in the middle of nowhere. ANy available mw's aren't willing to travel to me. I would have to go closer to them, and that's not what a homebirth is about for me. I am really out of options. I have one left but she's over two hours away and already booked for July. She said she'd do it, IF I could find back up, IF I could get alternative post-partum care, IF I birth at my parent's house (it's a scootch closer). I really am devastated. She's wonderful, but rather famous (Nancy Wainer-she wrote Silent Knife and coined the term "VBAC") and very expensive and we have nothing. I know this is all happening for a reason-I just wish I knew what the reason was. Clearly she is someone who trusts birth and it would be a really good fit. Maybe this is the universe shoving us together? I don't know. I guess the major hurdle would be finding a back-up. Ugh. she won't change her rates, but she will let me go on a payment plan.
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momsmyjob
that's hard.
so sorry mama! Would you consider an unassisted?
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P
Well, I might now! I'd prefer not to...my last birth experience was not great and I really needed support I didn't get. Both my kids were posterior, both were natural births, but really hard for me. I labored with dd 2 full days and was 10 cm for five hours before I finally convinced my mw to break my water. Dd was born within 2 min-and with one push. She told me to break it myself and I tried for hours-I just couldn't manage it. Even she hard a hard time when she finally did it. SInce I haven't had a "normal" birth it's a leap for me...even though I believe in it and homebirth with no issue. It's just not what I was looking for-KWIM? I'd rather not do it because I have no other option. I just wanted one great birth with a supportive, loving team. This is our last (and it's a BIG suprise-I was the one who posted about being pregnant and not being able to come to terms with it) and I really wanted it to be special.
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F
Nancy helped birth my sister's baby(in my sig.). Can she recommend someone closer to you? Would one of Nancy's assistant's be available if she was at another birth? I think there were 2 midwives at my sister's birth. Will you other midwife give you any of your money back? I'm so sorry that's happening.
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P
There isn't anyone closer who's willing to do it besides my old mw's partner and as I said-I just don't think it's a good fit. I will be getting my $ back, so that's good.
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K
Oh my goodness! I would be so upset also. My midwife with Seth had to do something similar when I was about 7 mo. pg with him. However, her partner was very seasoned and I just switched to her. That is so difficult as it is...but to not have someone who you trust...dang. I am so sorry.
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