[Thandiwe]

I'm "technically" only 37w1d, but given when I know I conceived, I'm actually about 38 weeks. Still, my due date stands at 10-16-07. Today I was informed that, being "soooo certain" I would deliver early, my midwife made formal plans (I believe flight arrangements were made) to go on vacation on 10-18-07....and isn't willing to change them.

That's only two days past my due date! So today she told me that I will definitely have a midwife, just might not be her. She, by the way, doesn't work in a practice or anything. We sought her out specifically, paid her the $3,500 fee, and expected her to deliver our baby. What's even better is that I'm the last birth until November. So the pressure's on....but no baby. She will have another midwife attend if I'm overdue, but I have no clue who it will be. I'm so sad by this. We chose her, and we want her. I trust her. I fear I'll end up going over.

I've been so d**n emotional lately. On the way home from the appt, I cried for like 15 min straight, and I have no clue why. Got home depressed and slept a bunch. I think I'm reaching the end of my rope.....everyone "expected" me to go early because things are so advanced in this pregnancy. Now that I'm still here and people are still making those comments, I'm getting so bummed.

 

[JessicaDixon]

Im so sorry you have to even go through this! I can totally understand what you mean...I would want that midwife too, you specifically looked for her and paid for HER, not someone you dont know...I really hope that you have the baby in time, or that she changes her mind about her trip.

 

[mittendrin]

What kind of a contract do you have with her? It seems kinda weird, can she really do that? That sucks, you don't need that kinda pressure. Even if you were only 37 and a day you could still go 42 wks... What is she thinking? Is she just going on vacation or is it something important?

 

[thismama]

That freaking sucks. I would tell everyone I know. I'm sorry, mama.

 

[Apryl Srissa]

That seems like really bad business on her part. She should at least offer to have you meet with the back up and be sure you are comfortable. Especially since you have been with her so long, and already paid, I'd be upset that she isn't holding up her end of things.

I don't think you're over reacting or anything, you paid HER for a service, you deserve to get it.

*hugz*

 

[aylaanne]

Yeah, that seems a little sketchy to me. My midwives work in a team for that reason, but if they both booked vacations for two days past my due date i'd be pretty pissed.

 

[onlyboys]

I wonder if she's going to the MANA conference? It starts that day and I wondered how midwives could be able to travel for Florida for 4 days!?

I am so sorry this has happened to you! It must be terribly stressful.

 

[gottaknit]

You have a right to be upset. That is incredibly unprofessional. She should have told you this in the beginning, and had you meeting with her back-up so you have time to establish a relationship. She's acting like a Dr, not a midwife.

Please tell me she doesn't have a golf tournament planned.

:

 

[mothragirl]

not in your DDC, but that is pretty messed up. i'd start looking for a new MW and ask for refund minus prenatals.

 

[tamagotchi]

Our midwife is going to the MANA conference. She'll be gone for six days and will have a backup midwife on call during that time (we haven't met the backup midwife yet). However, she told us her plans when we originally hired her, so we've been expecting this.

I'd insist on your midwife setting up a meeting for you with the backup midwife so you can see how you feel about her and establish a relationship with her. She might be just fine; I really liked the backup midwife we had at my last birth. If you don't feel comfortable with the backup midwife, there's still time for your midwife to make arrangements with another backup for you.

 

[candyapplez]

I would have cried too. This sucks. I would also demand to meet the new mw.

 

[wildgarden]

Wow, that does suck. I agree that it is very unprofessional of her to spring this on you now, even with a back-up plan. Any birth professional should know that dues dates are only estimates of when the baby will be born regardless of how certain you are of conception date.

Ugh! Good luck mama!

 

[Thandiwe]

Thanks so much for the support and hugs!! I really needed it. A part of me wondered if I was overreacting; I totally respect her and have been told so much good about her. I'm finding that her consistency and prenatal care aren't exactly what I'd expected, given her rave reviews. I'm kinda bummed. When it comes to the big day, she's got one of the best track records in the state. She's highly respected, makes awesome calls during the birth, and therefore doesn't have some of the complications that lesser local midwives have. But......her bedside and professional manners kinda stink. I'm starting to get disappointed and feeling let down. How do you handle that? Here's a woman who isn't so good at the prenatal emotional, etc "connection" - does awesome medical/prenatal checkup work, btw - but who I know for a fact (she delivered my sister, very complicated, at home 20 years ago) will be the one person I want in case of any emergencies during delivery. Do you stay because you know she will be phenomenal come D-day and put up with this stuff??

What do I do?? I called this morning and left a message (still haven't heard back) that I need to talk to her about the possibility of going overdue. I said I need to know who the backups would be and that I need phone numbers to arrange meetings so it's not a total stranger showing up at my door during labor. One of the women I fear she would arrange is a woman we already interviewed and refused to use. The sad part is, I just finished paying her yesterday (which was another sore subject, come to think of it. I had informed her of the time frame I was expecting a chunk of money in, and kept her updated. Still, everytime she talked to me, despite our making regular payments, she always asked if I'd gotten my money yet. Talk about stress!). I paid her at the beginning of the prenate, then at the end she "drops" this jokingly. "Oh, well I'm going on vacation on the 18th - I thought for sure you'd have it by then!" Then, nothing. No backup plan. No more info. Nothing. I was in shock and on my way out, so I walked out stunned. Called her later and got the, "Oh, well, you'll have a midwife, it just might not be me."

Now, we don't have a plethora of midwives around here, and we've interviewed some of the locals. Not too happy. Which is why we chose her.

What would you do?? If she's not there for the birth (there really isn't a contract, just a payment agreement we've signed. In her packet, she states that in the unlikely event she's not available, she'll have a backup), do we have a right to a refund of some sort? I was hoping to go into labor naturally, but I actually found myself yesterday telling my husband that maybe I should ask her to break my water 4 days prior to my due date if I haven't gone naturally. How sad is that??

So sorry this is so long. I'm still fumbling through the what to do part of this. Still sorting out how I feel. We dealt with a bunch of crap from doctors before we decided to use her, which partly influenced our decision to use her. Now, here we are. Grrrr.......

 

[2bluefish]

Do not break your water - that's a good way to end up in the hospital - I know cause I did it twice (midwife thought it would be the thing to move labor along) and ended up in the hospital twice - once post partum, once for the birth.

I signed a contract with a midwife - it says if she comes when I call for her, whether or not she makes it, she gets paid - if she were to refuse to come, then I would be owed a refund.

Personally, the bedside manner stuff doesn't matter that much to me this time around - I don't want to feel bullied, but I'm wanting someone as UC back up, so wisdom is more important. The situation you are in would be more difficult for me if I was counting on alot of help and support in labor. I would probably want to look for another midwife - if only "just in case" - and not just go with whoever she would send.

I'd try not to get too worked up over it if you can - it is possible you won't go over.

 

[mamaveggie]

That does make me wonder how long she has had the trip planned if she jumped all over you about the payment and dropped that at the end. How unprofessional. Is she normally spacey when it comes to discussing things with you? I wouldn't have her break your water and definately discuss all of it with her.

 

[Thandiwe]

Quote:

Originally Posted by 2bluefish Do not break your water - that's a good way to end up in the hospital - I know cause I did it twice (midwife thought it would be the thing to move labor along) and ended up in the hospital twice - once post partum, once for the birth.

Thanks for the info. I don't want to break my water, I really want this to go naturally. Last time aroun (yucky hospital/doctor mess) I was sent into the hospital too early, and then had my water broken for non-progress, and I feel so cheated. My son had a lot of health issues following the birth, and I really wonder if it's because he wasn't ready just yet. So now I find myself ethically conflicted about any "induction" process. We're still having sex and walking, but those are normal behaviors. When you start talking castor oil and herbal inductions, I start feeling uneasy, like we're crossing that line again. When he's ready, he'll be born.

She mentioned starting evening primrose oil pearls. I don't know how I feel about that.....isn't that sort of inducing things, too? Anyone use this before? What were your results? Any complications? I felt like, when she suggested them, that maybe I was being "pushed" along, since she doesn't really want to have to pay a back-up her fees. Yet she had a mom who just went 2 weeks over due....they didn't push her and in fact kept stressing the "when it's time" bit.

Breaking my waters was definitely a crazy, desperate idea. I guess I'm feeling so overwhelmed because we're down to the last 18-19 days until my due date and although I can tell I'm quite well effaced, I'm not really dilating.....things aren't looking to be "right around the corner," despite the baby's large size. Thanks for helping to bring me back down to earth!!

 

[2bluefish]

Evening primrose won't make you dialate - it helps effacement. Castor oil doesn't really seem to help anybody unless their body is already willing to go. I've heard horror stories about castor oil, but I've actually found it to be a really gentle laxative for me. Herbs I don't like so much, cause I think they can hyper stimulate the uterus - same for nipple stim if over done. I've had 2 pushed labors, that's why I have opinions on all the methods *sigh*

My opinion is that effacement is a more important sign that baby is coming than dialation. I've had the experience of my dialated cervix closing back up during labor, so I don't see early dialation as a sign that "some of the work is done." So sounds to me like you are on your way, and there's a good chance you will have your baby right on time.

 

[Hippiemommie]

I'd look for someone else. Maybe there is someone who is perfect for you that you haven't found yet. Ask around, call around, google it. I would be furious with this midwife and demand a refund.

 

[gottaknit]

If this is the midwife you really wanted, I would demand to know who the backup is and meet with her. Be honest and tell your flaky midwife you interviewed a lot of other midwives before her, and tell her names of the ones you DON'T like so she doesn't try to pass you off on one of them.

If you're not comfortable with any induction methods, "natural" ones included, don't do it! Expecially not for your midwife's convenience! I recommend avoiding castor oil unless you have experience with it already. It might be gentle for some people, but I had a horrible time with it, and you never know until it's too late.

I seriously doubt you could get a refund from her at this point, and do you really want the stress of starting over with interviewing midwives now? Just meet with the backup and see how it goes.

Hopefully you won't go over your due date and it won't be an issue anyway.

 

[2bluefish]

I wanted to add something about castor oil just in case. I just realized alot of people are recomended to take 2 oz or more which is like 4 TBS. I have never taken more than 2 TBS myself, so that may be why I haven't had abdominal cramps and loose stools with it.