[lovely rita]

Apparently my midwife had some bad childhood experience with cats, and does not like them. I have two; I always lock them up during appointments, but the room I put them in is a good spot for a birth tub, so that's not going to be an option for the birth.

Honestly, I want my midwife to be as relaxed as possible, but I am a little irked that my totally sleepy and non-aggressive cats are going to pose a problem in that department. She has never outright said she doesn't want them around, but it's pretty clear that she would be more comfortable if she knows they're someplace else.

Is this reasonable? What have others done in a midwife/pet showdown situation?

 

[laurashanley]

I'm a big believer in having animals at our births, as their presence can be so calming. In a showdown between my cat and a midwife, my cat would win! But I'm a UCer so my "vote" probably doesn't count!

Still, I think it's important to honor your desire to have your cats there. There's also a practical reason for including them. French obstetrician Michel Odent actually recommends that women give birth at home with their beloved house cats: "Is there a correlation between the presence of cats in a house and a fast birth?" he writes in The Nature of Birth and Breastfeeding. "Years ago such a question would not have occurred to me. Nevertheless, evidence gathered by my own eyes now tells me there is such a correlation." Cats, he believes, can actually help regulate the levels of stress hormones in the people who are near them.

I understand your desire to have your midwife "be as relaxed as possible." But what about YOUR desire to be as relaxed as possible? As far as I'm concerned, relaxation is the key to a successful birth, so if being around your cats helps you to relax, then this isn't a minor issue.

I guess you need to decide how important this is to you. If you decide this is something you want, perhaps just sharing this with her will solve the problem. It wouldn't hurt to try. Good luck!
Laura

 

[MeepyCat]

Keeping your midwife comfortable is not your problem. YOU'RE the person who needs to be comfortable.

 

[prescottchels]

I agree it's you that needs to be most comfortable and I can understand you wanting your MW to be comfy too. Have you considered telling your MW how much you want your cats to be around you or just free to move about the house at will and asking her if she'd be willing to have a get to know you session w/the kitties prior to the birth? What her biggest fear is...? Maybe being w/them and talking it through could be very healing for her

Personally, my cats would be MORE of a problem for everyone if they were locked up b/c they hate that and meow and scratch at the door incessantly til they're let out. It makes me nuts on a regular day. I can't imagine being in labor and trying to give birth w/that going on in the background-couldn't do it.
Good Luck!

 

[bobandjess99]

While i want to say that of course you are the one who needs to be comfortable...I also understand a true fear/anxiety of animals. What i am afraid I am saying is that I am afraid there might be an incompatibility between you and your midwife here. If you need/want them, but they are going to cause her to be uptight/tense/anxious..well..you see what I am getting at. I guess you need to see how big of a deal this really is....really discuss it. I mean..your midwife might be thinking she can just tough it out...but do you really want a midwife whose attention is focused on not freaking out because of your cats?
Since you probabvly don't want to change your plans at this point, you probably just have to just figure out a plan to work around it....

 

[Mainstream Hippie]

Personally, I'd have a friend take the cats while I had the baby, if my midwife was phobic. My daughter has cynophobia, and we realize it isn't rational, but even when an owner insists that a dog will "just" lick her, or that the dog is very laid back, it causes her more than just stress. It completely freaks her out, and she gets more panicky the less she feels in control. IF she is going to be around a dog, it has to be completely on her terms. We are working on it.

I wouldn't want an attendant who was having an anxiety attack due to a phobia, and I wouldn't want to put anyone through being exposed to the object of their phobia under anything but their own conditions.

Now, if she just doesn't LIKE cats, that would be totally different, and not something I would be concerned about. But it really sounds like it goes beyond that. I think her comfort needs to be kept in consideration so that your comfort is seen to. And if that isn't possible with the cats, I would either see to where I could keep them, or if I could find another midwife.

 

[alegna]

Personally I'd find another midwife. I needed a midwife that was comfortable with me and my home for my homebirth. My home includes cats. The last thing I needed was something else to plan and stress about. My cats do NOT move well or lock up well...

-Angela

 

[LionTigerBear]

While I would really want to be understanding of the midwife's anxieties about animals, the cats would totally win out for me. I don't currently have any cats but I have had some very dear cats in the past and I would love to have one of my dear cats at one of my labors. How soothing, how calming, what amazing healing energy they possess! In fact, reading all of this is making me want to get a cat again.

But I can't because DH is allergic.

Anyway, I vote keep the cats near you, make the midwife stay in another room.

 

[bronxmom]

I am TERRIFIED of dogs. If I were a midwife, I wouldn't take on a client with dogs unless there was a plan for them to be elsewhere. I think if your mw fears cats she should have told you that and made clear what she can and cannot do. It seems like there's not enough communication here. However, I think you should respect her feelings about the cats or switch to a different midwife. At this point, I would be loathe to switch providers for that reason, but then I don't have a deep attachment to pets. If you do, then it might be worth switching. But I wouldn't try to change your mw's feelings about the cats; sounds like she has a real fear and I wouldn't want to subject her to that.

 

[DahliaRW]

If you are ok putting the cats somewhere for the birth, I would. Otherwise I'd find another mw.

 

[layla983]

Honestly, I agree with Angela. There is no where we can lock our cats up at without cutting off half our house, I'm not willing to board them, & when I'm in labor I really don't want to have to worry about having someone get my cats while I deliver. Seems silly, but another plus for the homebirth is the fact that I don't have to worry about my pets while I'm in the hospital, like last time around. For me, I'd really have to adore the midwife I was using & have an easy way to make sure she could avoid the cats during the delivery for me not to find another, just because it wouldn't work for me. I'd flat out ask her though if it was a problem if the cats were out during your birth & see what she says. She may actually be okay with it. If so, I'd stop locking them up when she comes. I've known someone whose also had an issue with cats from childhood & hated cats, she refused to come to my house when I got a cat early on. But when she got around mine who was totally laid back, she actually didn't mind him & from time to time I'd catch her playing with him.

 

[jrabbit]

has she actually asked you to relocate the cats for her benefit? Is it possible that you're perceiving her needs differently than she intends?

If she has that much of a problem with the cats, she shouldn't have taken you as a client, in my opinion.

My MW needs to be ok with all my pets, including the rat - because I can promise you that at some point in the process, the rat will be taken out of the cage by my dd's! We had a dog at my last birth and the only reason we ended up putting her outside was because *she* wasn't coping well with the situation. The MW did not make that decision.

--janis

 

[lovely rita]

Thanks for all the replies.

She hasn't actually requested that the cats go somewhere else; sorry if that was misleading. She just visibly stiffens when they are in her presence, and that's stressful for me (being the people-pleaser that I am). Perhaps when I'm in labor-land I will not care.

I love this midwife and she is a real pro; I know if it were a deal-breaker for HER she would've said so up front, or said early on that pets must go elsewhere. But I don't necessarily feel like I need the cats there, so I guess I'm considering finding another arrangement for them simply because I notice mw's relative discomfort, and I internalize it and that can't be good.

I guess I'm just looking for anyone who's dealt with anything similar, and what the typical protocol for a midwife with animal issues might be.

Thanks everyone! I'm so psyched for my homebirth-- this is the only hitch so far, and I'm just trying to think ahead about ways to make it as stress-free for everyone as possible.

 

[jrabbit]

stop trying to please everyone! seriously don't worry about her reaction to the cats - you totally will not notice or care when labor is going on. AND if the cats notice her reaction, chances are greater that they'll just go sulk somewhere.

Try to avoid the urge to make other arrangements. That will add an element of stress to YOU and your partner. And it won't make one bit of difference to your MW, I am willing to bet. In the meanwhile, stop locking them up when she is at your house - everyone needs to be able to get to know each other *before* the big day.

--janis

 

[tinyblackdot]

yeah i think that is CRAZY! I would get a diffrent midwife.

 

[groovynaturemama]

has she told you that she's had bad experiences with cats before? do you think she could just have allergies to them?

 

[kangaroomum25]

I totally understand where you're coming from. I'm a bit of a people pleaser too, even during labour. And I would notice even during labour! My suggestion, wait till the last minute to call the mw if you don't change mw's just because there may be other small things that she does that distract you. I don't think it's her fault or crazy that she doesn't like cats, people can't really help stuff like that. You need to do what you're comfortable with.

 

[phatchristy]

I spent all of my early labor, etc. as usual around the house. The cats were just there. It seems that when my mws get there I'm generally in transition. So, apparently with my first birth DH stuck a litter pan and the cats in the front bedroom for a few hours. With the second and third one I think we just kept the bedroom door closed as I stayed in there.

The mws said they don't have issues with it, but I'm wondering, if I am in the tub if my boy will jump in there with me. He's a nut, and has done it before

. I'm so loud during the end...I am actually more concerned about freaking/upsetting the cats. Especially as two of them are very much into me and near constant companions...I don't know I think we'll be playing it by ear (those are cats I've adopted in the last couple of years so these haven't been around me in labor).

 

[lovely rita]

Quote:

Originally Posted by phatchristy I'm so loud during the end...I am actually more concerned about freaking/upsetting the cats.

I'm thinking about that part too! I guess I just have no idea what it will be like to have them around.

 

[RachaelsMommy]

If she hasn't said anything about the cats, I wouldn't worry about it. Chances are with you being in labor they might just hide somewhere anyway.