[Childishgoth]

Hi,
Quick Background: We breastfeed with the help of a lact-aid nurser and our baby has not had a bottle since he was 2 weeks old and I was having problems producing milk.
Recently we let my mil baby sit for (what we told her would be) an hour so that I could go to the doctors office with out having to take our son in to a place with a bunch of sick people. She kept pressuring us to leave a bottle with her and formula so she could feed the baby. I told her I would nurse him before we left the house and he would nap for an hour and we would be back in time for him to nurse again. Our doctor is less than 5 min (so close we could walk there) away so if the baby woke up and was hungry just to call and I would come back home and nurse him. I explained that we don't want him to be nursed any other way because of the breastfeeding problems we have encountered.
Well we were never called and our visit was real quick because the dr had to leave on an emergency, so we return home early to find her sitting on the sofa feeding our baby formula out of a cup!
She said that he had woken up and had been crying so bad she had to do something.. but I mean common how many people just have formula laying around the house? *Sigh*

Okay but here is the question, now every time our son sees us drink out of a cup he trys desperately to get the cup and will put it up to his mouth and act like he is trying to drink. When we don't give it to him he starts trying to cry and kick at us. Is it possible for a 4 month to have gotten attached to a cup with only one feeding?? And how do I explain it to my dh but I don't feel okay with leaving our baby in his mothers care?

I feel like im walking a double edge sword.

 

[karlin]

Wow, that would have pissed me off so bad!!

:

Your babe probably just liked the new experience of a cup. My DS went through a nursing strike at 4 months, and I tried feeding him EBM with a cup. It didn't work well, but he loves playing with cups....he still does. Maybe let him play with an empty cup when you have a cup for yourself.

Personally, I would just tell DH that your MIL could have ruined your nursing relationship, and it's going to take some time to get over that. When my DS was tiny, he couldn't latch on. It took me 3 weeks of pumping and trying all the time, and he finally latched! I went to take a nap the day he latched on, and DH was watching DS. I told him to wake me when DS was hungry. Well, I woke up to find DH feeding DS a bottle (of EBM), and I was furious....and he didn't understand why. He thought he was giving me a break, but it could have really screwed up all the work I had done. Luckily, DS latched again after that, and we are still going strong at almost 16 months.

 

[mama24-7]

Wow, both of the situations posted would have thrown me into a furious rage! I can understand what it's like having difficulties in the beginning and you don't need the people closest to you sabatoging all your efforts? Why, oh why, don't people believe that mama knows best?

As for the OP and your mil, I think that at a time when you are not upset w/ dh, discussing something else potentially upsetting, etc., you simply explain to him that "we decided" he was not going to have any more formula and he would breastfeed only for now (this way you don't get into anything about how long your dh expects your ds to nurse). And the next time your mil offers to babysit, come up w/ any excuse possible for her not to. If you need to have some sit, use anyone else you trust. THen disconnect the faucet in the kitchen so she can't make formula!

The other thing I will never understnad is, why do people think the only way you can bond w/ a baby is by giving it food? What about holding ,rocking, singing??? Drives me nuts!

GOod luck and let us know how you make out.
Sus

 

[Marsupialmom]

I would let your dh deal with his mother. Simply put his mother broke your trust. If she did this what else would she do that is against yours and his wishes.

As for the cup thing it could have excited him give him an empty cup. My second child got sips of water at that age. We were at the pool. 1 or 2 onces over a 4-5 hour period made a night and day difference in her attitude. But our situation was different and I would have been mad if someone just gave her a cup behind my back.

 

[phaeon]

grrrr I would have been mad about someone feeding my child against my wishes! But that's water over the damn- er, dam. I can't tell you what to do about the MIL issue because I purposefully do not leave DD with my MIL just to avoid those situations. But as for the cup, my DD grabbed a cup of water out of my hands when she was about 3 1/2 months old. She was sitting in my lap, watching me drink, and she decided she wanted some! (Good thing it was water!!) She is still EBF at 8 months but also loves to sip water out of a cup on occasion. I think it's great that she taught herself how to do it, so I allow her a little water if she reaches for the cup. If you're worried about interfering with nursing, maybe you can just give an empty cup for "practice"?

HTH

cheers,
Phaeon
mama to Sammy-girl
25 April 04

 

[soccerchic21]

Oh my gosh I would have been so mad! I agree with a previous poster, he is probably just liking the new experience of using a cup. Have you gotten a little plastic toddler cup (empty) and just let him play with it. Maybe that will cure the problem.

 

[Jordansmommy]

: If it were me I think I would have told her she will not be babysitting anymore as she has proven that she can't be trusted. How much clearer could your instructions have been?

Anyhoo, my DD has loved the cup since the first time she "noticed" it. I give her a sip or two of water out of my glass and she's all sorts of excited about it. Maybe you can just give him water or let him play with a plastic cup as pp have suggested.

 

[artgoddess]

As to the cup attachment my mother has a story she tells about me as a babe. I was FF from the begining. According to her at 5 months on a visit to see my grandmother in another state she would give me a sip of whatever she had. Her soda, juice water whatever. Since she was a grandma who hardly saw her first grandchild and she was always holding me in her lap. So I got a sip of anything in her cup always grabbing for it etc... According to my mother after that visit I refused the bottle. She had to feed me from a cup from 5 months or I would not have taken the formula. She said for her it was a pain because sippy cups weren't that spill proof back then and it meant she had to hold the thing all the time where as a bottle she could have just ahnded me to self feed with. But the plus side was there was no bottle weaning period.

As to explaining to your husband how you feel. Maybe he would get it if you made the comparsion that you had all agreed never to hit your children and then you found out she was taking a belt to them when you weren't around? I totally agree that she was so disrespectful you never need her *help* again.

 

[artgoddess]

oops double post.

 

[Mrs Dimples]

Wow. I know where you're coming from as far as BFing issues and being afraid to undo all your very hard work. If my mom or my MIL had done what yours did, they would be HEARING about it, let me tell ya. If you told any teenage babusitter SPECIFICALLY not to do something with your baby and then you come home to her doing it, that's the last time she's hired, right? Same here. At least for awhile. Your MIL can see the babe supervised, but not alone. End of story. And tell her why if she wants to know. Maybe it will make her think twice about following your instructions next time.

: I am SO mad for you!

 

[Childishgoth]

Oh my today was a hard day, i didnt think that the cup feeding had affected him so much but i swear i had to fight him to nurse.

It sux every time i know he is hungry but he dosnt want to nurse i feel like he is rejecting me. I know thats not it but i cant help but feel that way

Thank you for your support, you dont know how much it helped to sit down tonight after all that and read your similar stories and kind words. Thank you!!!

karlin- my husband did the same thing once.. haha just once.. i have the guts to yell at him hehee. it was sweet of him to want to let me sleep but i think sometimes guys dont understand that nursing is not always second nature.

 

[Childishgoth]

Quote:

Originally Posted by mama24-7 THen disconnect the faucet in the kitchen so she can't make formula! The other thing I will never understnad is, why do people think the only way you can bond w/ a baby is by giving it food? What about holding ,rocking, singing??? Drives me nuts! GOod luck and let us know how you make out. Sus

hehehe, i still want to know what she was thinking when she went out and bought the formula.. and if she was going to do that why not buy a bottle, why a cup?.. who knows

i dont know why people think bonding is only feeding a baby, you dont know how much i have had to fight her on this issue. Its like she feels im taking away a right of hers or something. i know she wants to be close to her grandchild but .. gerr nursing is my right!!

gerr.. that didnt sound mean did it?

 

[Childishgoth]

sorry about my back 2 back posts i really should read al the posts before i reply. thanks for the advice about giving him water in a cup. i am going to try it. i want him to be able to enjoy new things but im not ready to stop nursing yet.

im going to print out this thread and show it to my dh so he can see im not being unresonable.

thank you all again for being here to support!!

 

[alegna]

What is it with grandmas and feeding the baby?

: My mom thinks I am just INHUMANE to not let her feed the baby. Now at least she wants me to pump, so it's the good stuff- but uh, no, not making extra work for myself so you can feed the baby.

That said, you're right on. If I was in your shoes MIL would have just lost all chance to have babe alone for a long LONG time.

My babe has started the cup obsession too- almost 5 months here. I have let her have tiny sips of water and let her play with an empty cup and that seems to satisfy her.

Good luck.

-Angela