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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I am looking for some tactful words to use to explain to my MIL about attatchment parenting and all that goes along with it. Since day one she has been making comments about "when is Dajel going to sleep in her own bed?"<br>
and "she needs her own space!" ( she is 5 months old on the 19th btw) I usualy just say, I like sleeping with her and I love waking up next to her and Im pretty sure she feels the same. We moved her crib into our room last week, and mil came over and I heard her saying to dd, "oh good now you can move all around and not be so crowded and mom and dad can get some sleep too" (as if it would be easier for me to get up everytime she fusses at night and walk around with her and nurse her, then put her back in her crib??) anyway I told her we use the crib as a changing table and thats why its set up, and she gave me this accusing look and just said "oohh". Well now shes starting in on solids, we went out to eat the other day and I caught her giving dd a SPOONFUL of WHIPPED CREAM!!<br>
I wanted to scream at her but just said, "Beth, please dont do that" she assumed it was because of the dairy... hmmm not to mention preservatives, refined sugars etc... grose! Ten she said, "you do give her water everyday dont you?" She has asked this b4 and its like she thinks just because I am young, I have all these "new age parenting ideas" or something and I am sooooo fed up with it and now worried about what she might do when Im not looking... My biggest fear is that she will give dd meat someday, I just dont know how to go about explaining to her just how important it is for her to trust me and just respect my beliefs and parenting. Sorry this is so long and thank you for reading it if your still with me, any input would be greatly appreciated!
 

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This is all sounding very familiar and I can only offer you a comeback for one scenario -- and it shut my MIL up for good about family bed ....<br><br>
my MIL explained to me one day (as if it were any of her business) that she feels a man and woman should have a MARITAL (eyebrows raised) bed and not a FAMILY bed.<br><br>
I explained to her that in our house we have a marital kitchen table, a marital area rug and a marital couch -- the one she's sitting on. "We don't need a marital bed when there are so many other fun places to be...well, ... marital", I laughed.<br><br>
She never brought it up again.<br><br>
And not like I am the voice of experience or anything, because I am still dealing with my MIL and her antiquated/conservative parenting opinions, but let me share with you the one regret I have as a mother---<br><br>
my only regret is that I wasn't more self-assured about my instincts as a new mother -- I spent a LOT of time feeling guilty and weird about co-sleeping, nursing for "so long," and slinging.<br><br>
Stand proud NOW about your choices so you don't have to look back, like me, and wish you had. Your pride will be contagious to everyone, especially your MIL.<br><br>
good luck <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/hippie.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="hippie">
 

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this may not work for you, depending on your personality, but i would just look her in the eye, and say "do you think i am a bad mother? because that is what i am hearing when you criticize me. and it makes me not want to spend time with you. is that what you want?"<br><br>
that should give her pause. she may just be talking to hear herself talk and thinking she is helping you by giving you advice, since she is the experienced mother and all. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:
 

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I just have to say that is the funniest thing I have heard in a loooong time!<br>
It has thankfully never come up, but if it does I will use that one!
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by mama2girls</i><br><b>I explained to her that in our house we have a marital kitchen table, a marital area rug and a marital couch -- the one she's sitting on. "We don't need a marital bed when there are so many other fun places to be...well, ... marital", I laughed.</b></td>
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I am now commiting this to memory... <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><br><br>
and still laughing <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao">
 

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I had to deal with this stuff. For the family bed my answer was that in most cultures of the world the whole family sleeps together. The concept of the family bed is very normal and natural. I would never put my baby in cage. Maybe it would help to print out some AP lit for her to read?<br><br>
You also need to have a talk with her about trust. That this is your child and you make the rules. You need to let MIL know what is, and when it is acceptable for her to give her oppinions.
 

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You could tell her if she's interested that all these ideas are in Dr Sears, The Baby Book. Explain it's the "NEW" Dr. Spock or whatever her generation regarded as the baby bible. Maybe a nice, thick book written by a Dr. will get her off your case. and normalise AP a bit for her. After explaining to MIL a million times why dd doesn't get water, even just a "sip", I just fend off all questions with a "did you read the Dr. Sears book yet? It explains that."
 

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<div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">I explained to her that in our house we have a marital kitchen table, a marital area rug and a marital couch -- the one she's sitting on. "We don't need a marital bed when there are so many other fun places to be...well, ... marital", I laughed</td>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yikes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="EEK!"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"> :LOL <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/ROTFLMAO.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rotflmao"><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/yes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="exclaim"><br><br>
Such a perfect responce!
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
I love all of the responces, thank you! Although I dont think my MIL is too concerned with our 'marital' life in that sense, I would love to see the look on her face if I were to say that to her! lol I have never read the dr. sears book , I didnt even know what it was about till now so maybe I will pick up a copy for her.
 
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