[KiwiMama]

Hi. I was wondering if anyone could give me advice on how to deal with my MIL who believes that my ds' foreskin needs to be retracted and cleaned under. When my ds was about 2 months old she was changing his diaper and retracted the foreskin and made a point to tell me that she "always does this when changing a messy boy's diaper"!

At the time, I was taken aback and was speechless.

So, since then I've just made sure that either dh or myself always changes his diaper while visiting with her. I don't know how to tell her not to do it without making her feel like a bad mom for doing it to her boys. She babysat my ds a couple days ago and I tried to tell her that recent research indicates that doing that can cause bleeding and increase the chance of infection and she nodded her head in agreement, but then said, "I know, but when there's a messy diaper..."

:

I'm going to have to talk to her again, because I don't trust that she will actually not retract if "necessary".

I've been trying to find some info online that I could possibly email her links to, but everything I'm finding says don't forcibly retract the foreskin and to me that sounds subjective. I can hear her say something to the tune of, "I just pushed it back a little..."

If anyone has any advice on how to approach her gently on this topic or any good links to send her I would really appreciate it.

 

[keptwoman]

Kiwi, are you in NZ? Perhaps Plunket or your GP might have something on care of a penis that you can give her? Or you could take her along to a well child visit and bring up care of a penis while she is there with you.

 

[Quirky]

If you go to www.nocirc.org there is a pamphlet you can print out on caring for the intact penis.

I would worry more about her hurting your son than about you hurting her feelings. She needs to know that what she knew back then is not what we know now, and could have serious consequences for your son's physical health. There's no shame in being misinformed back in the day - look how many parents circed because they thought it was better, or because the doctors gave them no choice. But that was then, this is now.

 

[paquerette]

If she's poo-pooing your research, admitting that she knows that that's what the experts say but that it doesn't apply to her, then there may not be anything you can show her that she'll listen to. I would suggest telling her point blank that you don't care what she *thinks* needs to be done, he's YOUR son, and he is not to be retracted by anyone other than himself, ever. And then do not leave him alone with her unless you are 100% certain she isn't going to do this again. Your son could have serious scarring if this keeps happening.

 

[party_of_seven]

Ah, my MIL was very adamant about it too. I believe I finally showed her a paper put out by the AAP on intact care, and that was it. She has never retracted either of my boys.

I agree with everyone else. Make sure that the two of you see eye to eye on this one. Premature retraction can lead to much bigger problems and unnecessary pain for your ds.

Good Luck!

 

[Daisyuk]

Changed mind as to post and can't delete it. Sorry.

 

[KiwiMama]

Thanks everyone for your replies.

I know I will have to put my foot down regarding this issue with my MIL, but I would really prefer to keep our relationship on friendly terms if at all possible.

I will try showing her the aap's guidelines next time I see her. If she still doesn't seem convinced, then I will have to tell her she will not be allowed to change his diaper. I just hope I won't have to resort to doing that though.

I never thought I'd actually tell someone they couldn't change my son's diaper. Up until the initial incident I jumped at the chance of getting out of a diaper change. Fortunately this was a non-issue with the few other people who have changed ds' diaper.