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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
As some of you regular poster may remember, I posted last week about talking with my SIL about me supporting her decision to keep her newborn son intact and the pressures she was receiving from her mother (MIL).

I knew that the whole circ thing would come up with MIL, with me being pregnant and them all desperately wanting me to have a boy (like I"m going to the store and shopping for a shirt or something). Saturday we were over, as SIL was there with the new baby and MIL brought it up. Like most things, she waits until she has me "cornered" and alone (without DH for backup) to grill me over things and try and get me to change my mind through a verbal barrage of condescencion (sp?). It was no different this time.

She started with the conspiratorial whisper of how SIL hadn't circed her DS (in that "oh what a tragedy voice). I informed her that if this one was a boy, we wouldn't be either because it was unnecessary. She looks at me like I'm a moron and says "It IS necessary, you think we do it for the hilarity of it?"

I said that after the issues that DH and his brother had, why would I? She was like "What issues?" I mentioned about DH saying he was done 2 times because it wasn't done properly the 1st time and she said that that was wrong, that BIL was done 2 times. That DH had got an infection at 13 because they didn't cut enough off and she couldn't imagine what it'd be like to have a kid with a whole foreskin and she thought that DH, of ALL people would be pro-circ. She then said that BIL had had too much taken off (then why did they have to do the 2nd one??
: )

By that time, I was infuriated (I have a hard time holding my emotions when it comes to MIL because her condescending attitude gets to me) and just got up and went to DH and told him what she said. Wonderful DH said that it didn't matter what she thought, we weren't doing it anyway and she could just suck it up.


MIL is not a person you can get to accept your decision or "convert" to your point of view. She is not open to new idea or the idea that she may be incorrect in her views. She believes that she knows better than everyone, I feel like telling her anything is a waste of time because she doesn't really listen, she spends the whole time a person is talking formulating what she is going to say (because, since the other person isn't agreeing with her, they are automatically wrong).
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Family can be annoying can't they? I'm sorry you have to deal with a "bee with an itch" like that
BIL was shocked when he was our first sons intact penis he shouted "OMG! you left him an anteater!" Now, he is a sweetheart and was just reacting out of ignorance, but really, it is amazing how some folks react about something as simple as a male with a foreskin......Now, a baby being strapped down and having part of his penis cut off.....I can see someone having a shocked reation to that!


Be strong Momma, at least you have your DH in your corner(and all of us too
)

Tara
 

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Discussion Starter · #5 ·
It just really irritated me that after all her boys went through and the fact that her eldest son is adament against circ because of his experiences, she completely dismisses all that because she knows better than everyone else and can't see past her own arrogance. You would think that would at least give her a bit of compassion or at least let her see that her choices aren't always necessarily the right ones.
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ugh, that's sucky. the sarcastic bull of "what do you think we do it for the hilarity of it all?" thing would've chapped my behind in a big way.

I don't *think* my il's will bring it up when we go visit them next month, but if MIL does, I'm torn between "how about you not worry about our son's penis?" and giving her a barrage of information and a shocked "oh my god, people don't DO that anymore!!!"
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by northern_sunshine
She looks at me like I'm a moron and says "It IS necessary, you think we do it for the hilarity of it?"
Wtf sense does that even make?! What does she think the other 85% of men in the world do, anyway?

 

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Discussion Starter · #8 ·
To my MIL, there really is no world outside her own front door. What little of it she acknowledges is "out to get her." And no one out there knows better than she does.
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I should say that comment about not worrying about my child's penis (if this one is a boy). She had a almost creepy obsession with SIL's baby's penis in-utero, to the point we were watching her ultrasound video every time we went over and she always commented on the size of his penis and if talking about him, talked about how he was playing with himself in there. I have to say it was a little wierd having my 10 yr old neice (SIL's daughter) telling people that her baby brother was playing with himself in there.
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You know, I have a mom who can be like that and I have found that the best way for us to deal with things she doesn't like is to say, "We are not circing and this discussion is over."

Talk with your DH about it so he will understand when he gets a barrage of whining from his mother but just end the freaking conversation. If she wants to circ a child, let her get pregnant again (Oh please don't let that woman get pregnant again!!!).
 

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Discussion Starter · #10 ·
That woman will never get pregnant again (she's had a full hystorectomy and I know I slaughtered that word).

Luckily, DH doesn't put up with too much. If the barrage comes on the phone, he usually just hangs up. At her house it's a little harder to get away from her. I just hope she doesn't decide to try and get my mom on her side at DD's b-day party (my mom would be mortified for one, irritated for two and it wouldn't work for three cause my mother TRUSTS us and our parenting, shocking, eh?)
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by northern_sunshine
It just really irritated me that after all her boys went through and the fact that her eldest son is adament against circ because of his experiences, she completely dismisses all that because she knows better than everyone else and can't see past her own arrogance. You would think that would at least give her a bit of compassion or at least let her see that her choices aren't always necessarily the right ones.
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That reminds me of my mother after I confronted her about my circ, re-circ and the resulting damages. I think it comes from a point of defensiveness on their part. She had to believe that the end-goal, must-do aspect of being circ'd was so important that it was all worth the risks taken and complications received.
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I'm so sorry... bah... someday I'll probably get to deal with my family on this matter, however -

If/when I have a son, I am SO SO SO glad that I will be able to refute all the horror stories by informing every member in my family that my husband has had ZERO problems with his intact penis!!!!!
They will be far too embarrassed to say ANYTHING else after that


My MIL passed away ten days after we got married, but if she was around I know she wouldn't give me any trouble about not circing
I don't know if my step-BILs are circ'd or not so who knows what step-MIL would say
assuming she's un-disowned by then...

ETA - WE disowned HER.

love and peace.
 

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I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. My MIL treats me exactly the same way, except I'm not very good at holding my tongue...

My therapist said something the other day tho that really struck me - we were talking about extended nursing and how my family was so against it and I was having a hard time dealing with it/responding and my therapist looked at me and said, "If I ever said something like that to my daughter, she'd tell me to mind my own business because they're her kids and not mine. And you know what? She'd be right." It just put it in perspective to me b/c I have this big 'respect your elders' thing that makes it hard to stand up for what I believe - but she's right. YOU'RE the one responsible for their health and well-being at the end of the day and if your DH is on board, then bah! not her problem.

Easier said than done, I'm sure - I haven't tested it out yet, but it made me feel better inside and not like such a terrible rotten person for 'crossing' or 'disrespecting' my parents (and DH's).

s - I'm sorry she's acting like that to you.
 

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New poster to this forum....


for having to deal with that. My mil would not have been quite as brave in person, although she certainly let us hear it over the phone! The only thing that finally convinced her to stop bringing it up was when I sent a barrage of articles and videos and said I would only discuss it again with her once she'd actually read the material. Never heard another word about it, and no, she didn't read it (not her style). As irrational as it was, I feared that when we visited her (she's 1000 miles away) she would whisk ds out of the house and have him circ'd!


My dad, on the other hand, didn't say a word to us about it. However, when a relative was visiting with his German wife, he said "And can you believe it, they're NOT going to have him circ'd!!!!". The wife said, "Good! Why should they? Nobody does it in Germany!" Left my dad speachless!!

Kristen
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by A&A
MILs suck.
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I have to say, I can't help but think that other people getting worked up about someone else's kid's penis is a bit bizarre!
Well, I guess I do get worked up about the same thing, but in my case it's defending the foreskin!

It just isn't her business! My MIL doesn't know ds is intact. If and when she finds out, I plan to go the "Egh! Why would anyone do THAT? That just isn't done anymore!" I'll try to bite my tongue and NOT demand to know why she did it to dh.
 

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Is there hilarity in circ?


I guess for her there is...

My response would've like been a pleasant: "No, I think you did it to exert control over your sons' penises in a really sick way. But, thanks for the lifetime of unnatural sex.
"
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by aira
Is
My response would've like been a pleasant: "No, I think you did it to exert control over your son's penises in a really sick way. But, thanks for the lifetime of unnatural sex.
"
Love it.
 

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*Whew*! I love my MIL. DH is intact, and so are all of the men in his family. Circ'ing is just NOT done in their family. Even if MIL had ever wanted to have DH circ'd, her husband would never have consented to it! Really though, my MIL is a wonderful, pleasant, and courteous and accomodating almost to a fault. She would die before she was ever rude to someone. I wish everyone had a MIL like mine.

 
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