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Discussion Starter #1
I can't update this old thread because it's locked <a href="http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=316034&highlight=married" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...hlight=married</a><br><br>
But it basically talks about her 6th and 7th weddings so you know the background.<br><br>
She's had several serious boyfriend in between 7 and 8, but now she is engaged to number 8.<br><br>
Except this time, instead of having a small low key wedding with just a couple friends and no reception she is having a big wedding. Church wedding, big reception.<br><br>
I am just sooooooooooooooooo sick of this. I feel like it's so incredibly unhealthy for my children to be witness to this. Ds is now at age (6) where he gets it and I can tell it bothers him.<br><br>
It's impossible to talk to her about it because first of all she's an impossible person to talk to, but also because everytime she gets married she acts like she has no memory of the past and this guy is the one.
 

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Wowsers.<br><br>
What kind of church is marrying a woman who has been divorced 7 times?? DF and I are getting married at the end of June in our church and the fact that he has been divorced (just once!) is a *big deal*. We have to have pre-marital counselling with our pastor as well.<br><br>
Can you go to church with her sometime? Introduce yourself to the pastor and say something like "wow, it is so great that the church is so progressive and willing to marry someone for the eighth time. I wish my church was so open!"<br><br>
If her hubby-to-be doesn't know he is number 8 I would tell him, pronto. I wouldn't beat around the bush at all, and would just call him up and give him the straight scoop. If he knows about all the others and wants to proceed anyway, I wouldn't have much sympathy for him and would be much more 'go to your destiny' about it.<br><br>
How is she as a grandma aside from the divorces thing? That is how I would make a decision about what to do about your DS.
 

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Oh my....and I thought my mother's upcoming 3rd marriage was bad enough.<br><br>
(Her future DH is just fine, thank goodness, and lets hope this one sticks)<br><br>
I can understand your feelings about your children's exposure to this.
 

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I don't think there is anything wrong with your children witnessing someone living their life in a way that makes them happy. In this day and age it is no longer the norm for people to meet at a young age and stay together forever. There are so many mixed families and same sex families etc. It is up to you to teach your children whatever moral values you want to instill in them and allowing them to witness all the other things out there that aren't in alignment with what you think is right is great because the diversity can teach them some valuable lessons.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>just_lily</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430464"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Wowsers.<br><br>
What kind of church is marrying a woman who has been divorced 7 times??</div>
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I wonder about that too. My denomination is not conservative, but in our diocese at least a marriage after a divorce has to be approved by the bishop. It seems pretty common sense to me that it would be in the best interest of the church and the couple to make sure that whatever issues had lead to the divorce(s) had been resolved before performing another marriage.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FoxintheSnow</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430395"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I am just sooooooooooooooooo sick of this. I feel like it's so incredibly unhealthy for my children to be witness to this. Ds is now at age (6) where he gets it and I can tell it bothers him.<br></div>
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I don't support the practice of serial marriages but I'm curious how at the age of six your ds is bothered that his grandmother is getting married. How many of her husbands has he had a relationship with?
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Arduinna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430637"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't support the practice of serial marriages but I'm curious how at the age of six your ds is bothered that his grandmother is getting married. How many of her husbands has he had a relationship with?</div>
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According to the thread the OP linked, at least three husbands, along with several boyfriends.<br><br>
It wouldn't be the number of husbands that would bother me so much as the MIL's poor treatment of them.
 

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At least she's no quitter!<br><br>
I would just explain to your child that grandma thinks you have to get married a lot but not everyone thinks that and explain how you feel about it.<br><br>
My sister is in a horrible marriage, my 9 year old hears a lot of crap and we always talk about why we feel the way we do about certain things. It's not always stuff he needs to know at 9, but it's a good learning tool for life.
 

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Wow, thats pretty crazy... DH's dad is kinda similar, I'm not 100% sure how many times he's been married, but I've met the last 2 (I met DH just before the 3rd to last one left him...), so at least 5, possibly 6 or 7x. DH's mom's been married 3 or 4x... One of my dad's cousins has been married several times too, and I'm pretty sure hank has 'thrown in the towel' as it were <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> Some people though, apparently just don't give up!!
 

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Discussion Starter #10
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>indie</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430506"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I wonder about that too. My denomination is not conservative, but in our diocese at least a marriage after a divorce has to be approved by the bishop. It seems pretty common sense to me that it would be in the best interest of the church and the couple to make sure that whatever issues had lead to the divorce(s) had been resolved before performing another marriage.</div>
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Well she's switched churches several times in the past several years. Everytime she gets divorced, she finds a new church. She's presbyterian btw, and there are plenty around here.<br><br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>Arduinna</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430637"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I don't support the practice of serial marriages but I'm curious how at the age of six your ds is bothered that his grandmother is getting married. How many of her husbands has he had a relationship with?</div>
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Just Lilly is correct below. It has been 3 husbands and several boyfriends. Its not just that, everytime she acts like they are my kids' new grandpa. We've talked to her with strong words about this but it never matters. Ds forms a bond with the guy, then he's outta the picture and replaced.<br><br><div style="margin:20px;margin-top:5px;">
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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>just_lily</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430702"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">According to the thread the OP linked, at least three husbands, along with several boyfriends.<br><br>
It wouldn't be the number of husbands that would bother me so much as the MIL's poor treatment of them.</div>
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Dh had huge commitment issues growing up because of this. It really did a number on him. He says I helped rehabilitate him by showing him that commitment means feeling secure and comfortable. Im just hoping my kids are going to be ok.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FoxintheSnow</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430395"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I can't update this old thread because it's locked <a href="http://mothering.com/discussions/showthread.php?t=316034&highlight=married" target="_blank">http://mothering.com/discussions/sho...hlight=married</a><br><br>
But it basically talks about her 6th and 7th weddings so you know the background.<br><br>
She's had several serious boyfriend in between 7 and 8, but now she is engaged to number 8.<br><br>
Except this time, instead of having a small low key wedding with just a couple friends and no reception she is having a big wedding. Church wedding, big reception.<br><br>
I am just sooooooooooooooooo sick of this. I feel like it's so incredibly unhealthy for my children to be witness to this. Ds is now at age (6) where he gets it and I can tell it bothers him.<br><br>
It's impossible to talk to her about it because first of all she's an impossible person to talk to, but also because everytime she gets married she acts like she has no memory of the past and this guy is the one.</div>
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I think that anytime anyone gets married they think this guy is the one. Otherwise they wouldn't get married.<br><br>
This thread reminds me of The Bolter from "The Pursuit of Love". "One thinks that, every every time..."
 

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I'd be upset about the calling each new husband grandpa thing too. But other than that you really have no say. Not that I thought you felt you should. Sadly it reaches a point where it's just ridiculous and becomes sort of a family joke. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Because if the kids here the grown up thinks it's funny or "oh here we o again" in a light hearted way then they will most likely not attach to the idea that you end a marriage if you have just one fight.
 

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I would not get a gift and I would not have my child call them "grandpa" until they reached some sort of anniversary determined by you <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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<div class="smallfont" style="margin-bottom:2px;">Quote:</div>
<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">
<div>Originally Posted by <strong>just_lily</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430702"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">According to the thread the OP linked, at least three husbands, along with several boyfriends.<br><br>
It wouldn't be the number of husbands that would bother me so much as the MIL's poor treatment of them.</div>
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I agree with that as someone who's dad is on wife #5.<br><br>
I also agree that there is a sense of "This is the one" when someone gets married, even for the fifth, sixth, seventh, etc time. At least from my experience. Dad has gone into all his marriages believing they will be the one that lasts.<br><br>
That being said, I don't think your child should have to refer to them as "grandpa", what to call the new husband should be up to the new husband and the child. Something they are both comfortable with.<br><br>
I doubt it will cause the same turmoil with your son that it did with your husband. Your husband only had his mother to go off of when it came to relationships, your son has you and your DH to go off of.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>FoxintheSnow</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15431242"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Just Lilly is correct below. It has been 3 husbands and several boyfriends. Its not just that, everytime she acts like they are my kids' new grandpa. We've talked to her with strong words about this but it never matters. Ds forms a bond with the guy, then he's outta the picture and replaced.<br></div>
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Wow, I'm really sorry she is being so irresponsible and inconsiderate to your kids.
 

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We aren't 100% sure how many times my MIL has been married either, but we think it is around 8 times (there was a several year period where we didn't talk to each other, so it is entirely possible there were some marriages in there). She also switches religions (although she usually stays within Christianity, with at least one exception) with the husband.<br><br>
In fact, when we started "giving names" to the grandparents, the other grandparents are "grandma & grandpa *lastname*" and her's was "Grandma *firstname*" because her last name changes every few years. (the names have evolved and changed over the years for the others, but we hold firm to hers).<br><br>
If it is any consolation, she might slow down on the marriage thing. Her last divorce was about 3 years ago now and, although she has had some serious boyfriends, she hasn't married them and doesn't seem to have any interest in marrying again. She is in her mid-upper 60s now.<br><br>
The main thing we have done over the years is not call the guy "grandpa", but "grandma's husband" in normal conversation at our house. I can't control what she wants to call them, and I encourage the kids to address them directly as they wish to be addressed (as an overall rule to anybody), but we don't get too invested in calling them "grandpa" away from them.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>mamalisa</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/15430776"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">At least she's no quitter!</div>
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Cracked. Me. Up.<br><br>
I agree with Avani. If you see her so infrequently that you don't even get informed when she has married and moved, I wouldn't worry too much. She won't have a large impact in your child's life. However, Grandma can be a great "what not to do" example.<br><br>
ETA: I can understand being uncomfortable with the new husband automatically becoming "grandpa." I would just have your husband tell her that is not okay. I consider things like that forced intimacy and I would put an end to it quickly.
 

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Oh good grief. Why bother getting married?<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
I agree with abimommmy, a gift isn't necessary.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/jaw.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="dropjaw"><br><br>
I thought it was bad that my mom is on her third marriage! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> though, that's not so unusual these days.<br><br>
I took my mom as an example of what *not* to do in relationships... so far it's 12 years this July and we're still very much in love, so i'll take it <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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You could make it fun for your ds by going on a special trip every time grannie gets a new fish on the line. "Guess what sweetie! Gran's getting married again!" "You mean we get to go to Fancy Lake and go canoeing again?!? Yippee!!!"<br><br><img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mischievous.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="mischief">:
 
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