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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
My MIL is very nice, most of the time. She is not familiar w/ AP but is (mostly) accepting of my choices. Her hubby has tons of psych issues & is very loud/intense/sarcastic, and DD is deathly afraid of him- he is not too good w/ her, either. They have 4 dogs who have horrid manners- none at all, & I am a dog person- one of which is territorial, aggresive, & snappy- MIL thinks it's cute when she "protects" the baby & doesn't understand it's a negative & dangerous behavior! MIL also has physical issues that prevent her from holding/lifting/carrying/bending very much at all.

MIL keeps mentioning/asking watching DD, which is so not happening. She's 7 mo and I have never left her for more than 2-3 hours when I've had to. When I do leave her, she's with her daddy or my mom, who she is very comfy with, and who is very trustworthy w/ her.

To top it off, MIL mentioned she was accepting a crib from someone. We co sleep exclusively and DD can/will not sleep alone, nor would I force her to, especially w/ someone else! I reminded her DD does not sleep in a crib and she said "Oh I know, but she will someday!"

Am I wrong to be a little irritated? Should I sit her down & explain how I feel, and why I won't be leaving DD w/ them alone? (I do bring her over to visit often.) I don't want to hurt feelings but do want to stick up for myself & what I feel is best for DD.
 

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you are right to be irritated. My mother is the exact same way. Honestly, it just got to the point where telling her "no" or "that's not how we do it" got so annoying that I just let her believe whatever she wants. I can't stand it. I hope it gets better for you though.

If you really want to explain yourself, then by all means do it. But if it gets to where you feel it's not working, don't beat yourself up over it. It's really just not worth it to stress yourself out over it.

Good Luck!! I hope it works out for you!!
 

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It's not going to hurt you in any way if your MIL has an unused crib in her house. I'm not sure it's worth the argument. I'd just keep up with "no, you can't babysit today" for the next 3 or 4 or 12 years (or however long is it until you feel your child is old enough to safely be left in her care.)

You never know- the crib just might get used if your DD ever naps during your visits with MIL- some babies or toddlers do spontaneously choose to sleep in cribs even when cosleeping is kept available. It certainly doesn't happen to all babies, but it does happen sometimes.
 

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Both of our parents are divorced so my DD has 4 sets of grandparents. For various reasons I only trusted MIL and SFIL to watch DD when she was a baby, they were the only ones who actually respected us and didn't poo-poo everything we said. We let my mom watch DD sometime after she turn 18 months - most of my issues with her had to do with food and I was fine with her feeding DD crap in limited quantities at that point. My dad and FIL and SMIL still haven't watched her at age 3. Similiarly only MIL and SFIL are allowed to drive her anywhere.
I have been able to do this without outright ever saying "We don't trust you to watch DD" which I feel would cause unneccessary harm. It is possible - change the subject, use the "I'm not comfortable leaving her with anyone right now" line, I've also lied about MIL and SFIL watching her. But overall it has been fine.
 

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I think you should talk to her and tell her that you are nervous about the dogs. (because that's not as touchy as "I am nervous about your husband").

I just think that it would be very VERY hurtful to be constantly told that I could not watch my grandchild (who was being babysat often by that child's other grandmother) and not be told why.

But I am all about honesty. I have told my sister outright that I did not trust her with my child and stated the reasons why not.

If you trust her and not her husband or dogs: Would it be possible to have her watch the babe alone at your house for an hour while you and your DH get coffee or something?
 

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Discussion Starter · #6 ·
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Originally Posted by Breeder View Post
I think you should talk to her and tell her that you are nervous about the dogs. (because that's not as touchy as "I am nervous about your husband").

I just think that it would be very VERY hurtful to be constantly told that I could not watch my grandchild (who was being babysat often by that child's other grandmother) and not be told why.

But I am all about honesty. I have told my sister outright that I did not trust her with my child and stated the reasons why not.

If you trust her and not her husband or dogs: Would it be possible to have her watch the babe alone at your house for an hour while you and your DH get coffee or something?
I did think about this-- about offering to have her watch DD at our house- and I think it may be an option.

I am torn between continuing to just politely decline her offers, or having this sit-down and risking hurting her feelings! I don't know what to do. I see both sides, and I value our relationship, but I value DD more. You know?
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
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Originally Posted by snoopy5386 View Post
Both of our parents are divorced so my DD has 4 sets of grandparents. For various reasons I only trusted MIL and SFIL to watch DD when she was a baby, they were the only ones who actually respected us and didn't poo-poo everything we said. We let my mom watch DD sometime after she turn 18 months - most of my issues with her had to do with food and I was fine with her feeding DD crap in limited quantities at that point. My dad and FIL and SMIL still haven't watched her at age 3. Similiarly only MIL and SFIL are allowed to drive her anywhere.
I have been able to do this without outright ever saying "We don't trust you to watch DD" which I feel would cause unneccessary harm. It is possible - change the subject, use the "I'm not comfortable leaving her with anyone right now" line, I've also lied about MIL and SFIL watching her. But overall it has been fine.
I can't really say this, because I do leave her (biefly) with my mother. But she lives w/ us, & DD is around her constantly, & she did AP w/ all her kids, & is just a natural w/ her.

But one thing I have on my side is nursing- I BF pretty much exclusively & do not pump, so I couldn't leave her for long even if I was comfortable w/ it!
 

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Oh I feel for you


Sounds so much like my MIL. When I was pregnant, she was already talking about taking my son on vacations with her, "grandma days" once a week, etc. She bought a pack n play, car seat, etc., for her house...

Well he's 2 1/2 now, and she has never watched him. (There are good reasons for this, I promise.) She is bitter. We do not get along. It's creepy.

I think as long as you make it clear that your baby won't be sleeping in the crib, not even "someday", then she is free to waste her money if she wishes.
 

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Discussion Starter · #9 ·
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Originally Posted by amandaleigh37 View Post
Oh I feel for you


Sounds so much like my MIL. When I was pregnant, she was already talking about taking my son on vacations with her, "grandma days" once a week, etc. She bought a pack n play, car seat, etc., for her house...

Well he's 2 1/2 now, and she has never watched him. (There are good reasons for this, I promise.) She is bitter. We do not get along. It's creepy.

I think as long as you make it clear that your baby won't be sleeping in the crib, not even "someday", then she is free to waste her money if she wishes.
Thank you
I think I'm going to proceed along those lines, actually. In order for me not to hurt her feelings and still stick to my guns (so to speak) I'm just going to have to stay firm in my decisions but let her do what she wants, as long as those two things don't cause issues forone another.
 

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Quote:

Originally Posted by Breeder View Post
If you trust her and not her husband or dogs: Would it be possible to have her watch the babe alone at your house for an hour while you and your DH get coffee or something?
This works really well for us. My MIL is a hoarder, and her house is not safe for a mobile baby. She also has health issues that cause me concern about leaving the kids with her for very long.

However, she LOVES for me to ask her the favor of coming over for an hour so I can get a haircut or a cup of coffee. I have 2 boys, and so far she's only been alone with the baby once. We have a good relationship, so I try to find ways to give her what she wants in a way that is comfortable for me.

It has gotten much easier as ds1 has gotten older. Actually, the 1-2 age was the hardest, because he was into everything. Once he could talk, I felt more comfortable with it. Once he could do toileting and feeding himself, I was content to leave him for longer.

I was really put off when MIL got a walker for her house for ds1, but it's her money. It's one of those things I've let slide in the interest of getting along. I get to decide whether ds uses it or not. A crib could turn out to be a safe, dog-free zone for your toddler, even just for a minute at a time.
 
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