[pumpkinhead]

My beautiful DS is intact and my DH is not. He initially wanted to circ. I refer to this as a 'momentary lapse in judgement'. He quickly changed his mind after I provided him with some literature on the subject. In the province my babe was born in, they don't promote it and no longer perform 'em right after birth. If you want your babe circ'd, you hafta find a doc who does em and then pay 300$ or more for the 'pleasure'. YUK!!uke<br><br>
Anyhow, the point of this thread: My MIL is fine with the fact that DS is intact, but she keeps insisting that we need to try and retract his foreskin at each diaper change so it won't get 'stuck' later in life. I find this notion HILARIOUS <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> and STOOPID <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/shake.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="shake"> at the same time, but nothing I say will convince her that she's wrong. I've even caught her trying to do this when changing DS's diapers...of course this is less on an issue now that DS only provides 3 seconds worth of protest-free dipe changing time.<br><br>
I've asked her not to do this, but she persists! I try to do the diaper changing but she doesn't provide any warning, I'll just find her half -way done. ERGH! How do I gently make her understand that I'm not gonna put up with this?<br><br>
Edited to say: Shes not actually causing him any pain, just sorta 'massaging' it back and forth...which I have issues with....just yucky all the way 'round.

 

[gurumama]

Tell her to stop, and that she won't ever see him if she continues to do this.

 

[Frankly Speaking]

You can find information at the NOCIRC and AAP sites backing up what you say. I would print out copies and give them to her. It will be difficult with her to argue with the AAP information especially when the information is repeated at the NOCIRC site. I think you may also be able to find the same information at the AMA site if she is especially stubborn and most likely at the Canadian medical sites as well. If she continues to argue with you after all of that information, you should tell her that she is not allowed to change his diapers under any circumcstances. It may cause some short term friction but it will blow over soon enough. Your son's health is worth a little short term friction.<br><br><br><br><br><br>
Frank

 

[Gitti]

Warning not to retract and Intact care...<br><br><a href="http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/" target="_blank">http://www.cirp.org/library/normal/aap/</a><br><br><a href="http://www.geocities.com/raisingintactsons/" target="_blank">http://www.geocities.com/raisingintactsons/</a><br><br><a href="http://www.cirp.org/library/hygiene/" target="_blank">http://www.cirp.org/library/hygiene/</a><br><br>
Print them and tell her to inform herself and then stop causing your son undue stress.<br>
He will wiggle and pull and twist his penis plenty when the time comes and his foreskin is ready to slowly and over time retract.<br>
Tell her to trust Mother Nature.

 

[pumpkinhead]

Thanks y'all!! I really appreciate the info. I'm printing the stuff as I speak!!<br><br>
Frankly Speaking:<br>
You're absolutely right in that my son's health is more important than sparing her feelings.<br><br>
Gurumama: This is the ONLY issue I have with her and DS just adores her. I'm sure you can all understand my reluctance to offend her but I know that I HAVE to be firm on this one.<br><br>
Gitti:<br>
Thanks so much for the info!

 

[gurumama]

It can be hard--but setting a very, very firm boundary with a clear consequence is better than finding out later that your son has adhesions, whatever, because she insisted on doing what *she* thought was "best".<br><br>
I'm glad they have a good relationship, though, and that he adores her--that's what grandmas should be for!<br><br>
Good luck!

 

[Sustainer]

If you've made your position clear to her and she still disregards your instructions, simply do not allow her to change his diaper (or bathe him or ever get near his naked penis) ever again.<br><br>
I have a daughter and a second baby on the way whose gender I do not know (and I'm not going to find out until the birth). If this baby turns out to be a boy, the first thing I am going to do is distribute copies of<br><br><a href="http://www.mothering.com/10-0-0/html/10-1-0/10-1-protectuncircson103.shtml" target="_blank">http://www.mothering.com/10-0-0/html...rcson103.shtml</a><br><br>
to everyone I know who will ever come within 10 feet of my son, along with the following letter:<br><br>
"With the apologies of a young mother who is paranoid about her precious new little son, I am respectfully asking everyone who will come in contact with my son to do me the great favor of reading the highlighted sections of the enclosed article (there actually aren't many - it will only take a minute). Many of you may never babysit my son or change his diaper or give him a bath, so you may wonder how this information is relevant to you, but as I said, I am paranoid, so I am just giving it to <span style="text-decoration:underline;">everyone</span>. This is very important to me, and I really appreciate it. Thank you,"<br><br>
I have already printed out many copies of this letter, as well as many copies of the above article, with the following sections highlighted:<br><br>
"Throughout childhood, there is no need to wash underneath the foreskin. Mothers used to be advised to retract the foreskin and wash beneath it every day. This was very bad advice indeed."<br><br>
"Do not let your doctor or anyone try to retract your child's foreskin. Optimal hygiene of the penis demands that the foreskin of infants and children be left alone. Premature retraction rips the skin of the penis open and causes your child extreme pain. There is no legitimate medical justification for retraction."<br><br>
"the foreskin is not supposed to be separated from the glans in childhood."<br><br>
"Never use soap to wash the inner foreskin because it is mucous membrane, just like the inner lining of the eyelid."<br><br>
"Most infections of the foreskin are actually caused by washing the foreskin with soap. Leave the foreskin alone, remembering that it doesn't need any special washing, and infections will be unlikely to occur."<br><br>
"The best advice for the care of the intact penis is simply to leave it alone. The intact penis needs no special care."<br><br>
My MIL is also the person I am most worried about. Although she did leave my partner intact (for which I am eternally grateful to her), she is nevertheless mainstream and I'm positive I remember her saying that she interfered with the foreskin in some way that she apparently thinks is necessary -- either she retracted and cleaned, or she used a q-tip to clean underneath the foreskin or something. I know she still feels the same way because she said, "yeah it's not necessary to circumcise, AS LONG AS YOU blah blah blah" or "YOU JUST HAVE TO blah blah blah."<br><br>
Since my own mother and my midwife will actually be present for the birth, I will give them their highlighted copies of the article before hand, just in case it's a boy. My partner has already read the article and is in complete agreement with it.

 

[DesireeH]

I would be VERY firm with her. Obviously she has a thick skull and she isnt getting it. You are his mother and what you say goes, PLAIN AND SIMPLE. I would print out the information, give it to her to read, and tell her if she ever does it again she will no longer be allowed to be around him unsupervised for even .2 seconds. It may be harsh, but I think she sounds like she needs harsh to get the point.

 

[Teresa]

Well, my MIL has never had the opportunity to change any diapers, so I don't hace this prob.--besides she's Indian, so my DP and all the males on that side are intact.<br><br>
However. . . I did learn while pregnant that the mere mention of the word "penis" would magically shut her up about her prejudices for a baby boy. Ugh--still an issue.<br><br>
So, were it my MIL (who has no use for facts--it's what SHE thinks that matters) I'd take a different approach.<br><br>
Like this: "You know, Mrs. Singh, I've told you before that I don't want you handling his penis and foreskin, and you continue to do it. Not only is it unnecessary and potentially harmful to him, but I have to wonder if it's healthy for him to have you massaging his penis so. . . affectionately. It makes me very uncomfortable and our pediatrician says that it's completely inappropriate." (use a nice dramatic pause before 'affectionately' like you want to say something more explicit, but then decided not to!)<br><br>
That would put an end to it, I believe! LOL!

 

[pumpkinhead]

Teresa,<br><br>
OH MY SOUL! :ROTF<br><br>
She'd be MORTIFIED!!