Mothering Forum banner
1 - 17 of 17 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
So, as you may or may not know, our daughter Claire was born last month at home, in water. It was an absolutely AMAZING, fantastic, miraculous homebirth that we are just so thrilled with! DH actually said,"now I understand why people want to be midwives-to be a part of something that cool!" (and this from a dh who had previously thought, "no way!" to uc, or even hb with a mw!)

Anyhoo, MIL came yesterday to see the newbie and I said something about how I had read (on this board!) about how some folks who have had their babies at home felt like they couldn't sell that house later because they had such a strong attachment to it. I told her that dh and I had talked about it in advance of the birthIt was at that moment that she realized that this was not an "oops" homebirth, we actually "premeditated it" Yep, we meant to have this baby at home, we meant for Claire to come into the world peacefully into her father's arms.

Sounds just terrible, huh?

So, MIL tells me,"oh, I'm so glad you didn't tell me you were doing this ahead of time,I'd have been a nervous wreck!" Then reminds me that she and her husband both have cousins who have died in childbirth. (But, they were in a HOSPITAL........and it didnn't save them! I didn't point that out!)

Anyway, she acted as if I had dangled my baby over a gator pit. (I wouldn't do that, btw!)

She didn't want to see the pictures of the birth. (they are even waterbirth pics, so it's not like she'd be getting any money-shots in there!) She didn't want to hear about it or anything. I really wanted to tell her about how I fell in love with her son all over again and that everytime I look at him I am reminded of how he stepped SO FAR beyond his comfort zone and how incredible I think he is, but...........she was just hearing none of it.

If you've read this far I appreciate it. I just feel sad that she wanted nothing to do with something that is so miraculous. This was such a life-changing moment that I find myself telling everyone!

Someone says, "aww, cute baby!" and I say,"thanks! She was born at home in our backyard in water!" because I want to plant that seed. OKay, now I'm rambling. Can anyone relate?
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
16,500 Posts
That is really sad.


Was she still willing to bond with the baby? Was it just the birth she wanted to hear nothing about?
 

·
Premium Member
Joined
·
15,078 Posts
I am glad that she even admitted to being glad that you did not tell her! That says that she is not angry. I am sorry that so many people do not understand about HB, much less UC. Even my SIL, who has now had three C/S trusts her drs completely. It is frightening to see it.

But, congratulations on your wonderful home birth. And a DH that was so wonderful for you and you baby. My DH is also like that, just wonderful for my UCs.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,295 Posts
some people are just so closed minded they don't even care when its a family member thats done it (and sucessfully btw). Don't let her bother you, she'll get over it.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
2,281 Posts
Just remember it wasn't HER birth and she was dealing with some shocking (to her) news. I'm sure with some time, she'll eventually want to hear snippets... and if she doesn't, that's ok too isn't it? My Mom has never wanted to hear my birth stories either and they weren't UC (so far
).

I kind of figure that for same-minded-ness you go to those that understand... to educate you go to those that don't.
Really different ways of thoughts.

(Oh, and I'm sorry she didn't share your joy, but we do!
)
~Julie
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
428 Posts
Discussion Starter · #6 ·
She bonded with the baby. (Although, the way she kept saying,"the baby doesn't look like dh" really made me wonder if she is really hoping that she can get me on Maury Povich and impilcate the mailman for paternity or something.)

Yeah, I guess it IS a good sign that she said,"glad you didn't tell me ahead of time". I guess that is a good thing. She works for a dr. (used to work for a ped), so she probably thinks,"better off in a hospital..........just in case."

Yes, my dh is awesome! I think it took this UC to make me realize that! He and I are haivng a date night tonight. I think MIL thought it was funny that I call it "date night" when all we are really doing is watching a movie together after the kids go to sleep. haha. (I feel like a teenage boy. I'm hoping that it leads to something........hehe.)
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
9,295 Posts
I love date nights! ours consist of going to a resturaunt......usually ds is still with us, but it gets us out of the house and we play card triva games and talk about things other than diapers


and of course she had that type of reaction if she works in the medical feild. Didnt you know....Drs are God now!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
1,353 Posts
Wow, date night! What a foreign thing that is to me!


I totally know what you mean about telling people about your birth to "plant the seed". It always leads to questions or something that gives me an opportunity to spread the word or intrigue someone, even if it opens their eyes for just a second.
Too bad your MIL will be missin' out!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
11,188 Posts
We share your joy for sure!!!!


Just thought you might want so EXTREME joy and pride in the wonder job you and your partner did brining your baby Claire (nice name, btw
) into the world!! Yay you guys!!!


Hope you can leaver your MIL's fear at the door and not hold onto it for a single moment!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
359 Posts
I'm still waiting for my UC. My baby is due in three weeks.
I have not told my MIL, and I am worried about what she will think when she finds out.
It amazes me how people put so much trust in doctors, like doctors know everything and are infalible.
When it comes to childbirth, a very healthy, normal thing, everybody panics.
My MIL is very doctor oriented, she asks about how the pregnancy is going, and sometimes, instead of asking how I am feeling, she asks what the doctors have been saying, as if I am a bystander, and they are the ones in charge. Too many people think that way.....it's sad.

I have the excitement of my planned UC, and I was telling everybody I could, until I started getting some really bad negative responses. Now, I'm just waiting until everything turns out okay, and then I am going to TELL THE WORLD!!

Congratulations on your beautiful birth!!

~Moose
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
982 Posts
I can totally relate to wanting tell everyone about the homebirth. After having a csect with Ds and then an HBAC with DD, I wanted to tell everyone about her amazing birth. It is funny now, when we go out and she has her "Born at Home" shirt on I am constantly trying to figure out a way for people to see, hoping they will comment so that I can share her birth story. That is not easy since she is usually in the sling.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
15,101 Posts
Sorry your MIL has to be this way. Most Grandmas would LOVE seeing pics, I'd think!
That's sad.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
198 Posts
I can very much relate. My mom was at the birth of all 3 of my first borns. When I told her that #4 would be born at home, she freaked. She was very nervous and made sure to tell me that repeatedly. She constantly told me how she 'hopes everything goes ok' and that she would feel so much better if I were having the baby in the hospital. Needless to say, I didn't allow her at the birth and called her afterwards to tell her. It was the first birth she missed. I will NOT be telling her that I'm looking at doing this one UC. While she's ok with the homebirth part now, the UC part will make her freak all over again.

As to telling everyone. I'm a walking billboard. AAMOF I was in the grocery store the other day and the cashier (probably in her 70s) was telling me about how her granddaughter is pregnant with #5. I told her that this was #5 and we began talking about it, since no one was behind me. I mentioned that my last was a homebirth and this one will be too. She got a HUGE smile on her face and said her granddaughter has had all of hers at home. She then said "It's so much better to do it that way! She's so much more relaxed and enjoys it so much. I love that she births this way." I was shocked. I hadn't found too many older people who agreed with it. I know MY grandma didn't.
Anyways, because of my homebirth, my DHs best friend convinced his wife to have one (an almost 11 pound baby no less) and a very close friend of mine is considering one too.
Keep spreading the word!!
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
7,963 Posts
Quote:

Originally Posted by tapmilkmom
I had read (on this board!) about how some folks who have had their babies at home felt like they couldn't sell that house later because they had such a strong attachment to it.
I'd have that problem too! Glad to hear it's not unusual. I almost want to put up a little plaque in each room where a baby was born announcing it!
But you know, our house is over 100 years old....there's a good chance a number of people have been born and died in this house before us.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,444 Posts
hehe, yeah, I do that. "Oh, what a cute baby!" me: "Thanks! He was born in the water. I caught him!" I love planting seeds


I'm sorry that your MIL reacted as she did. Perhaps she'll come around. I think I'd tell her how you felt and fell in love and everything anyway just so she can hear it. Maybe she'll share with her girlfriends about tht and they'll shar ewith their daughters. Even if they are saying it in a disgusted tone, it's still about seed planting


Namaste, Tara
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
4,005 Posts
geez. We had our second UA, and yk?? we had him IN our mil's house


She was pretty cool about it.

But your mil needs to get a grip..
 
1 - 17 of 17 Posts
Top