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I know I am not alone with this, but I just wanted to vent and know that I am not alone. I love my MIL, she's great and really helpful. Unfortunately, she gets nervous when my dd just sneezes or coughs. There are 3 grandchildren (2 from her daughter and 1 from her son...our baby). Anyway, the 2 other girls live in Germany and travel all throughout. They are constantly sick. So, their mom is big on taking them to the doctor, giving them their antibiotics, and making sure they are A-okay. I, on the other-hand, am very different. I hate antibiotics and refuse to take them. I also refuse to vaccine my baby!!! So, she told me the other day..."when are you going to take Violetta to her next appointment?" and I replied, "not sure, she's due for her 12 month WBV, but I don't know if I should go". Her reply "she needs to go...make sure she is okay and she needs to get the important vaccines". Turns out she was so obsessed with the health of my husband and SIL when they were babies, that she would ask the doctor to do blood-work on them at every visit!!! She also thinks I need to add olive oil to all the foods I give dd because she isn't a fat baby like the typical baby. It makes me crazy really because I am trying to do the best that I can and I always feel like I am failing in some way whenever she's around. Whether it's the fact that I won't vaccinate or don't rush to the doctor when she has a fever (which only happened once thank you very much)! Anyone else know what I mean?
 

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I know exactly what you mean. Unfortunately, I don't really like my MIL all that much, so it's pretty annoying when she gives me stupid advice. I used to like her before I had a child. It was being pregnant and having a child that drove us apart, because she gave so much bad advice, was so negative about everything I tried to do ("You'll ask for the epidural," "You'll quit using cloth diapers after 2 weeks," "Most women <i>can't</i> breastfed," "You <i>need</i> to let her come stay with me for a week when she's a few months old," "She needs rice cereal so she can sleep at night," etc., etc.) and generally just annoyed the hell out of me. Plus, I realized she wasn't very nice to her other grandchildren, which I'd never noticed before because you don't pay much attention when you don't have your own kids, but it really turned me off on her once I did notice.<br><br>
The plus side of not caring much for her anymore, is the fact that I don't care about her uneducated advice. She doesn't <i>want</i> to learn anything. She <i>refuses</i> to even accept that my child is allergic to dairy and after <i>3 years</i> is still <i>insisting</i> on telling everyone that she's lactose intolerant, despite having the difference explained to her at least 50 times. (It's an important difference.) She would be mean to my child if I left them alone for more than a couple hours, because she doesn't believe children deserve to be treated with respect. So all her judgement doesn't make me feel at all like a failure, because I couldn't care less what she thinks about my parenting choices. I've put thought into my choices. She never did.<br><br>
So, my situation is even worse than yours, but the silver lining is that I don't feel at all like a failure because I know my MIL is wrong about...practically everything. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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My daughter had some MIL trouble and she and her husband came up with a simple and practical solution. They told all the parents (me too) that parenting stuff could ONLY be discussed with their own offspring. That is, I am forbidden from having conversations about parenting with my SIL. I just don't bring up anything about how they raise their kids. If I do have a question I can talk freely with my daughter. Her MIL can talk to her son with any concerns she has, but not with her DIL.<br><br>
This approach has worked.
 

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Plumetting, I have the same issue with my family and the "lactose intolerant" vs. dairy allergy, it drive me nuts to hear "He can drink lactaid milk or take a pill".....sigh.
 

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Plumetting...I know your pain! I liked my MIL too...before I got pregnant and had a baby. Now she just drives me crazy! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"><br><br>
She gives so much unsolicited and usually bad advice that it is laughable.<br><br>
She has made me question things as well StarHalo. She can make me feel like I am doing all the wrong things for my kids even though I know I am doing what is best for them.<br><br>
It is infuriating.
 

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I thought I was the only one.....my MIL and I got along great before marriage and baby. Now she...well really all the in-laws drive me nuts. I don't like them. How mean I know.<br><br>
It is really hard to share my dd with them. My husband thinks the world of them as he should. Whenever he mentions seeing them I get all worked up. I have to keep telling myself in my head to keep my mouth shut.<br><br>
Over the holiday my in-laws thought it would be ok for our dd to sleep in her crib in the closet. I don't think so!!!!! Needless to say we didn't end up going there for the holiday....<br><br>
Does anyone have advice on dealing with very annoying in-laws? Anything other than drinking because I don't think I could drink the entire weekend non-stop. Also, can't leave my dd alone with them. I don't trust that my dd would be in good hands.
 

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Can't stand to chime in !<br><br>
Yes, I know what you mean, although in my situation I'm v. fortunate to live v. far from them (half the globe, that is!). But when I visited my in laws half years ago and stayed for two weeks (and I was alone with two children, my DH was in the US), I became v uncomfortable.<br><br>
To start with, my two children came down with fever approx one day after the plane landed in Jakarta. I gave them homeopathic medicine. The fever subsided overnight, but then my daughter got another fever that evening. The particular homeopathic medicine that I helped her earlier didn't help her then, so I switched to other (I was v.inexperience with H-medicine back then). THe next day she's still had fever. They insisted to get her to doctor. I said, if worse get to worse, I would give her fever reducer, but I didn't want to rush to it. They're so panic, they called my father. So I gave her the fever reducer, and they insisted to bring her to hospital because she ate little (only drink). She needed an IV, they said.<br><br>
AFter 4 hrs of paracetamol, her fever went up again. I know this trend. But it was late at night, so I gave her homeopathic medicine. Strangely, this one worked ! She was okay the next day. In the evening, she started having runny nose and cough. My son came down with bad cough too. They panicked again, and couldn't understand why I was so cold blooded. They called my dad, and I gave in. The cough medicine didn't do a thing. SInce they saw me give that to my children, they didn't fuss even though my children were still coughing. That evening, I gave them other homeopathic meidicine (they got different one). In the morning, none of them cough and the runny nose subsided.<br><br>
Then, there was a discussion as to why my son was small. I mean, I am small. My MIL is actually small. But my FIL, my hubby and my hubby's brother are tall (the gene comes from my FIL side). My SIL, is also small like me (I mean not tall). They thought I didn't feed him well, yet they know that my daughter is big. They insisted milk on my son, yet I've told them my son was allergic. They insisted he's allergic because I didn't feed him well. My son is in fact a healthy boy, he eats healthy food and has a good appetite. I challenged them to give him cow milk, but they have to be responsible on whatever happens to him. They didn't dare to do it (that's my last resort though ... the challenge). But kept on mentioning it.<br><br>
When the visit was over, I went to my mom's house in another city. I told my hubby about all these. He said he got criticism also from them. Fortunately, we live half globe apart <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"><br><br>
So, yes, I know what it's like. They're nice in other things. But we differ a lot in terms of raising kids. Indonesian people (that's where I am originated) are very dependent to doctors.... I mean, the affluent ones. The non-affluent who cannot afford to go to doctors go somewhere else, but that's more because they cannot afford doctors.<br><br>
As far as vaccines concern, I never mention this to anybody. Not friend, not family. My hubby and me keep this secret. We never discuss check ups etc with others coz I don't want confrontation. We know we're not mainstream, so we just keep things quite.<br><br>
My advice: stop talking about health business. Talk about other things. And try not to be in situation which makes your in laws panic about health. I didn't say a thing about homebirth before it happened. I told them after, and since everything was okay, nobody can say a thing. When your in law asks, just avoid the whole thing. Just say, may be next months or so.<br><br>
Just my two cents<br><br>
mom2moon2<br>
mom to : moon moon (5 years) and nia bea ( 3 years)
 

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My ILs don't even know that our DS isn't vaccinated. The topic has never come up. Lucky for me, they are a family that doesn't really talk about things anyway. And they live about an hour away, so they never drop in. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> And I have NEVER stayed at their house overnight, not even once. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
But if they did know, they would think we were crazy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:<br><br>
If I had to deal with an interfering MIL, I would tell DH he needs to make her back off. Otherwise where's my incentive to visit her or let her see DS?
 

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I just do a lot smiling and nodding my head.<br><br>
My MIL LOVES to send articles on vaccines and even told me once how having fevers during infancy is GOOD for babies. She's one of those "getting sick is good for your immune system" people. I say being sick shows that your immune system isn't working so well or you wouldn't be sick. Anyway...<br><br>
If you agree with people and then do your own thing anyway, it can get them off your back.
 

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It's been 5.5 years since I first meet my MIL and introduced her to my crazy hippy ways of dealing with health care issues. She is <b>big</b> on doctors. She even used to have my husband in vaccine trials and all sorts of things.<br><br>
We've gotten into little debates over vaccines since I've known her. The conversations never lasted long because she doesn't know what she's talking about.<br><br>
Over time she's showed an interest and I've emailed her my own articles on specific diseases/vaxes. I've answered questions when she's had them.<br><br>
Now she's at a point where she's in the middle of reading Just a Little Prick. <b><i>Slowly</i></b> but surely she seems to be a little more anti vax everyday.<br><br>
So there is hope, but it may take a while like it has with my MIL. I think what helped the most was her realizing that I do know what I'm talking about and I can back it up with good links/studies/ect from well trusted resources (the CDC). And that I'm not just some lazy parent or a nut case. I also was never too in her face about it.
 

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Thankfully, MIL respects our decisions to parent how we please, and will always bring up to everyone who says something that they "can't argue, she knows her stuff".<br><br>
However, the vax thing will probably stay private unless someone specifically brings it up. If it is a situation in which I WOULDN'T want to cause trouble, I'll probably say something like "He has all the vaccines he NEEDS" and smile. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"> If it is a more personal setting I may get into it a little deeper, if I am among open minds.<br><br>
Now, the grandmother we are LIVING with is a whole different story. She is, on a daily basis, feeding DS jar foods, which we wanted to avoid altogether. She does NOT however know about the no-vax. She thinks sposies are "so neat how they do 'em now" but now that we've switched to cloth she thinks DS doesn't like them because he's always touching them... lol!!
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>HeyArnold</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/7906727"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Over time she's showed an interest and I've emailed her my own articles on specific diseases/vaxes. I've answered questions when she's had them.<br><br>
Now she's at a point where she's in the middle of reading Just a Little Prick. <b><i>Slowly</i></b> but surely she seems to be a little more anti vax everyday.</div>
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That's really great. Good for you! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/thumb.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="thumbs up">
 

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When it comes to vaccines I don't say a word to my IL's. We don't say we do vaccinate, but we don't say we don't either. We stopped telling them when we took James to the dr. They don't ask, strangely enough. My SIL emails the whole family every time she takes their DS to a dr apt. Updates us on his weight, height. Tells us how he handled the vaccines. (He bawled, blah blah blah). I just let it go in one ear and out the other.<br><br>
SIL asked how James handled his vaccines (he had his 2 and 4 month shots) I told the truth, he screamed for hours, slept when he wasn't screaming, refused to nurse for days, screamed every time we went near his leg. She was sympatheic (I suppose) then 'bragged' that her DS never had THAT kind of issue. Good for her. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/rolleyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="rolleyes">:<br><br>
My family knows and agrees with me. My mom agrees with me more and more every single day (I made her read Evidence of Harm...she was appalled) My dad works with a guy who's son was pefectly fine prior to his first birthday, a few months later after his MMR he was running around screaming, not talking, not looking at anyone...a while later he was diagnosed Autistic. So he 100% agrees with me. Plus my family knows I research everything to the hilt so they know if I've chosen not to vaccinate it must really be for the best. I'm lucky that way though.<br><br>
DH's family worships doctors.
 

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With my MIL/FIL we work on a need to know basis and quite frankly dh and I have agreed that there are a whole bunch of things that they don't need to know. So they don't! :0)<br><br>
I also avoid most conversations with them as it usually makes me very <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/splat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="splat">. The only time I've ever said anything was when she made a comment about spanking. FIL was impressed with what I told her and then felt it necessary to tell me that he thought I was doing a good job raising our ds. I bit my tongue, but I wanted to tell him that regardless of what he thought of how we were raising our son, it wasn't going to change what we were doing.
 

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My MIL just insists that I leave me 3 mo old with her for the weekend. That's why I breastfeed so I don't have to...<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> oh yeah and the benfits for the baby.<br>
I don't tell my IL anything; they about had a corinary when we planned on having Kyla at home. They were relieved when we had to transfer to the hospital but I could have died...LOL yea right!<br>
My SIL takes her son to the doc for everything; because she is a good mommy. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/loveeyes.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Loveeyes">:<br>
I don't care. I fake sick everytime we have to go to their house and my husband insists we stay the whole (blanking) weekend.<br><br>
Now my sister's MIL told the whole family that her baby is malnurished because my sister only feeds her lettuce and ranch dressing!<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">:
 
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