[PapayaMom]

We are going to visit my inlaws next week, they live in Puerto Rico. They saw DD when she was 2.5 weeks old and now she is almost 6 months.

Needless to say they are very excited to see how she has changed. I was on the phone with MIL last night and we were talking about how I should pack an extra change of clothes in my carry-on just in case the flight loses our baggage along with some other travel talk when i mentioned how grateful i was that DD is bf because I don't have to worry about being stranded somewhere without enough bottles and formula etc. This launched into a discussion and she said "oh yeah ive been meaning to ask you, how long are you going to continue to do THAT". I told her at least through her first year and the phone was silent for a loooooooong time.

It was so disapproving. I am trying to become excited about our trip again but its hard. MIL is a very dominant personality and our niece who is 2.5 years was formula fed from birth because SIL didn't want to be "that attached". DH has told me they want to take the baby so we can go to the movies or something. We don't leave the baby here, why would I leave her with people she doesn't know in a place that she doesn't know and go somewhere where I will be inaccessible. DH said we won't do anything that makes me uncomfortable. But I know its hard to say no to his parents given they don't see her all that much.

I am just nervous now about the whole trip and feeling sad. I guess I just needed to vent to people who I know would "get it." Thank you all, I am so glad to be here!

ETA I know this is a small thing compared to a lot of situations, but its still bugging me

 

[Unoppressed MAMA Q]

and i feel ya.
stay strong, try to have fun.
vent anytime, you will do the right thing. and the more you do it, the more fun it gets!

 

[ShadowMom]

Oh geez... sounds like you have your work cut out for you!

On the part about leaving the baby with them, 6 months is really really young to leave a baby with someone, and you should only do it when you're comfortable. You could always make up an excuse for why you don't want to leave her... you could say that you'll have leakage issues or something (since she obviously doesn't know anything about nursing).

Sorry, I know this doesn't help much. You have the right to raise your baby the way you want to! Try not to worry about it too much and have a great vacation!

 

[velcromom]

I think with women of her generation it sometimes helps to simply say, "The doctor recommends we keep her on breastmilk to support her immune system." and let her blame the doctor,LOL! Most women her age trusted their drs completely and did what they were told when it came to raising their babies, so it'd be hard for her to fault you for doing the same.

I agree 6 months is really young to leave a baby if you don't have to, especially with someone they don't know. You could say that if you are apart from her and miss a feeding you could get a plugged duct, that's not a lie and since she doesn't have experience with those things she couldn't really argue with it anyway.

You can decide what you'll say in advance and when it comes up, deliver your line casually then bring up something else right away that you know she can't resist talking about. It works with my mom every time!! lol!

On the other hand if you think she might be open to a little education you could always give a simple explanation about why you chose to continue and let her know that is what you and dh have learned is best for her.

Hope you have a great vacation! We wanna see pics of you nursing in Puerto Rico!

 

[JennP]

I work fulltime so the only time I have with dd is evenings and weekends. I oftentimes tell family or those that want to give me a "break" that I am so in love with dd and that I miss her so much during the week that I could not bear to be without her when I don't have to be.

If you are a SAHM then you could have dh use this excuse. He just can't bear to be without you and baby when he has no need to.

Just an Idea. It has worked well. I have also told my mom and others that they could babysit but they only have 'pacifiers'

not milk and that would make dd unhappy. They are usually grossed out about the thought so the subject is then dropped.

Hope you can look forward to your trip, you could also tell them that you want to be there when dd is introduced to all the new people, things and place she will be seeing and learning about. You would not want to miss that.

Sorry this got so long. Enjoy your trip.

JennP

 

[callmemama]

Looking on the bright side, maybe your MIL will continue to "be silent" on the issue!! She doesn't have to approve. You are doing what you know is best! Follow your heart, mama, and don't let anyone pressure you into leaving your babe!

 

[Quirky]

To follow up with the "blame the experts" approach you can tell her if she gives you grief that:

*the American Academy of Pediatricians recommends *exclusive* breastfeeding for 6 months (i.e. no water, no formula, no solid food) and that breastfeeding continue until *at least* 12 months and as long thereafter as mom and baby want.

*the World Health Organization and the American Association of Family Physicians recommend breastfeeding continue for a *minimum* of two years. In fact, the AAFP says that babies weaned before 2 have a higher risk of disease.

*a recent study showed that non-breastfed babies have a 20% higher chance of dying in their first year.

So she can put that in her pipe and smoke it!

I would recommend though that a) you insist that dh run interference for you and that he leap to the defense rather than make you do it; and b) you don't bring it up unless she does. Otherwise just maintain a Mona Lisa smile and don't put your wind in her sails. If she does bring it up, tell her one time and one time only the above (or whatever else you want to tell her) and then if she brings it up again tell her it's not open for discussion. Just don't engage her adn she can't fight you.

 

[DaryLLL]

As far as leaving a 6 mo for a couple hours, it could happen. When my dd was 6 mos, my dh was graduating from college with honors and we wanted to go to his honors dinner. MIL took great care of dd for about 3 hrs. Dd was not eating food or taking pacifiers or bottles of EBM. MIL just did such a good job playing with her, dd was fine.

I trust my MIL completely to respect our parenting wishes tho. I knew 100% she would not try to feed the baby anything other than sips of water. I also knew she would hold her and do everything in her power to soothe and entertain her. I also knew dd could and had gone 3 hrs without nursing if well distracted.

Dd did not "know" MIL well, as she was visiting from 3 states away. But they had a day and a half to get to know each other before we went out.

This was in the days before cell phones, but I called from a pay phone twice and baby was fine.

Sounds like you do not trust your MIL enough to do this tho, and have no desire to leave baby anyway. We only did it b/c it was extremely important to us, not just a casual date.

 

[maria423]

Blaming the experts is a good idea! I do that with my MIL too. For example, she was here shortly after Toby was born. He was eating constantly (at least once every hour) and she commented several times about how she had her kids on every-3-hour schedules and they did great. We had a ped visit, and I told her that the ped said, "Keep feeding him as often as he wants!" (That was true.) She stopped her 3-hour talk immediately!

As for leaving the baby... don't. If you don't want to, don't. Once you get there, they'll see how attached you are and chances are they'll stop asking. They'll sense from you that you don't want to. And if they don't and push the issue, it's YOUR baby! Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable.

 

[JoyofBirth]

My mom bugs me alot about leaving my baby. She has even accused me of impairing her socially by not letting anyone else feed her. I just tell her that I've waited a long time for this baby and I really enjoy taking care of her, so I don't need a break. Also, I let her "babysit" while dh and I watch a movie in the other room sometimes, so she can get some one-on-one time but I'm still close enough to monitor and tak eover if needed.

 

[PapayaMom]

Thank you all for your responses. I feel a little more "armed" for our trip. We have left dd for short periods of time with my parents who completely respect our wishes on how we want things done, Maya also sees them almost everyday and is familiar with them and their house. We are entering seperation anxiety time and on top of that this conversation made me realize that I am not okay with leaving her with people who don't understand our respect our parenting.

Fortunately MIL is one of those people who thinks doctors divine beings and my doctor happens to be a bit of a lactivist so I have all sorts of support. I think what it comes down to is she feels that bfing is just eating, she doesn't understand the comfort it brings to both of us and the bond we have. and I am working hard to create an attachment with dd based on trust and love.

Thanks again mamas I feel better!