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I am in a predicament...<br><br>
I am due in June with our first baby and planning to BF. My MIL has already started in about "getting the baby used to formula" and how the baby needs to be able to take formula in a bottle "just in case". I will be returning to work at 6 weeks, but I am going to invest in a good pump to ensure that the baby will only have breast milk.<br><br>
Every year, I let my husband choose which car race he would like to attend for his birthday. This year he has chosen a Nascar race that will be held an hour from home, in the city that my in-laws live in. The baby will be 7 weeks old.<br><br>
He is encouraging me to leave the baby with his mom so that we can go to the race together. In my heart, I don't feel that I will be ready to leave the baby yet, even though I will be leaving the baby for work. In my mind, I just can see leaving the baby on Sunday when I have been without him/her for 5 days that week and will be for the following 5 days. In addition, I am scared to death that my MIL will take the opportunity to feed the baby formula or worse. (She started her kids on cereal that young!)<br><br>
So I am torn. I want to go to the race with dh, not because I like racing, but because it is my gift to him and I know he enjoys me going with him. I even offered to let him take a friend or something and still pay, but he really wants me to go. He even suggested taking the baby to the race, but I don't know if that is a good idea. It is very loud and I don't want to damage sensitive ears.<br><br>
Do you think it would be ok to take the baby to the race with ear plugs, should I leave the baby with MIL? What other options do I have?
 

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I was not ready to leave ds for long periods of time (like all day-ish) at 7 weeks. In your case, he'll be used to daycare, but really, that's just your first weekend after your first week of daycare. We don't need daycare, so take what I say with a grain of salt....<br><br>
But I just think that that week is going to be stressful enough. You're going to be learning to get on a schedule for pumping, the baby is going to be really, really needy when you get home, cause he's not used to not seeing you all day and all of a sudden he only sees you at night, probably going to be up more at night that first week. So, you'll be getting less sleep. Plus, add in all the non-baby stuff that will be going on at work--you're going back after not being there for 6 weeks. Everyone in creation will come out of the woodwork to speak to you that first week, you'll be getting back in the swing of things, you may even have extra work to catch up on from your absence.<br>
It makes me exhausted just thinking about it. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/dizzy.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Dizzy">: If it was me, I'd plan on take-out every night that week and sleeping all weekend that first week.<br><br>
Plus, don't you have to pump some on the weekends to prepare for the next week? So, how would that work if you were at the track?<br><br>
And, something else to consider....I did not give birth to the MDC "go-anywhere" poster baby. He hates new and different stuff. I don't know if I missed my window or what, but he just hates it. Has a hard, hard, almost impossible time sleeping anywhere but home or the car (this wasn't a problem at 7 weeks, but it is now). But, even at 7 weeks, he'd scream for hours if he wasn't happy with what we were doing. Last weekend (at 8.5 months), we attempted to take him to a low key outdoor music festival. It was hell. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> Screaming, crying, refusing to nurse, pawing at my shirt, refusing to nurse, screaming, crying. We heard 1/2 of the first song, and after walking around with this screaming monster for an hour, we decided to leave. Which is exactly what he wanted. He got in the carseat and smiled. Little turkey. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"><br><br>
Just to say, you never really know the personality of your baby until you meet him/her. I read (and am insanely jealous) of all these babies on here that go to quiet restaurants and museums and outdoor music festivals and the beach and all sorts of fun things. Um, yeah, not my sweet one. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> So, we've had to adjust all our expectations of parenthood to exclude a lot of fun stuff, and even stuff we think might be okay, we go into it knowing that we may have to leave at any time.
 

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If the ear plugs would work, keeping baby with you is usually the best option. Make sure you have a good baby carrier, and baby might just sleep the race away! I've never used ear plugs with a baby though, so I don't know. It *sounds* like a good option to me.<br><br>
On the MIL thing... Do you think she would really bypass your instructions and give the baby stuff like formula and cereal even if you have pumped breastmilk ready to go in a bottle and specific instructions not to feed the baby anything but those bottles of breastmilk? If you think she'll bypass your instructions, I would NOT leave baby with her. But I think it could be a good option if she will listen to your instructions. Does she know about pumping milk? It seems like she was wanting your baby to take a bottle and probably not realizing that you can pump milk into a bottle? And yes, she gave her kids cereal very early, but that's what doctors recommended back then. If you explain to her that doctors now recommend waiting until 6+ months, will she listen to you and your doctor, or will she ignore you and do her own thing? My MIL gave DH food earlier than 6 months, and my mom gave my brother and sister food before 6 months (they changed the recommendations with each kid - 2 weeks, 4 months, 6 months - I was the last one). Both my MIL and my mom are very good about not giving my baby any food until I say exactly what he can have. They both understand that medical recommendations have changed since they had kids 30+ years ago. So I have no problem leaving my kids with either of them, as they listen to my instructions. But if they didn't, I'd not leave my kids with them.<br><br>
But yeah, at 7 weeks old, you're going to probably want to keep baby in arms and close by, especially since you'd have just started going back to work and will be missing your baby. So if the ear plugs thing would work, I'd probably go for that route this year, and maybe next year baby could stay with MIL.<br><br>
Sometimes, we have to change plans or not do plans for a while because of baby, but it's such a short time. For example, DH and I would really love to go do an overnight thing by ourselves for our anniversary, but our anniversary hit when baby #2 was 5 months old - not doable without taking baby with us. So we took the whole family to an aquarium one day, and that was fun too. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"> Maybe next year we can do an overnight thing (my parents live 45 minutes away and watch the kids often). Or we might just have to wait 4-5 more years (there will be a baby #3 eventually). But we plan to be married a L-O-N-G time, so we'll have plenty of years that we can do overnight, kidless trips. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>BetsyS</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8134967"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">And, something else to consider....I did not give birth to the MDC "go-anywhere" poster baby. He hates new and different stuff.</div>
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Oh, that's a good point... You don't know your baby's personality until they come out! Thankfully, both of mine have been good in busy situations. They both started going to hockey games almost from birth. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol"> The one time I had a problem with Aaron was when he had an ear infection at a hockey game. We had to leave early (telling Joshua that the game was over even though there was still one period left - he LOVES hockey). He was fussy at a restaurant the following day as well. He was fine at home. Later that week at his wbc, we discovered his mild ear infection (yay for breastmilk clearing it up though!), and now he's fine in those situations again. BUT... some babies just don't like loud noises or busy situations, and that's their personality. I do think Joshua did better than Aaron in the busy situations.
 

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Leaving a 7 week old all day would not be my first choice. I also would not leave an infant that young with someone I didn't trust 100%. Plus you would have to pump every two hours or so if you went to the race because otherwise you will likely be engorged and in pain.<br><br>
I agree with the poster who pointed out that that will be the end of a really crazy week for you and you might prefer to just stay home and not even go to your inlaws or the race. Is that even an option?<br><br>
If you get lucky and have a portable baby just bringing them would be best. I found being out and about at that age stress free because my daughter was very portable and was happy as long as there was a boob. Just bring lots or diapers and at least two changes of clothes for her and one for you (you have not yet met explosive poop but it's a b*t#@ if you don't have something else to wear).
 

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I totally understand your wanting to go with dh--but I wouldn't take a baby to a NASCAR race--too hot, loud, and crowded. In fact, the track I live near even recommends that babies don't attend due to noise. I would only leave babe with MIL if you are both agreed on how to care for the baby--IMO, it would be better to leave the baby with your MIL, as long as she would follow your wishes.<br><br>
That said, I doubt you'd have a lot of fun either way. You'd be worried about baby either way, and probably wishing you'd just stayed home.
 

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I can almost guarantee you that, at 7 weeks post-partum, you are NOT going to be in any mood to deal with a long day out, nor with the worry and concern of whether or not your little one is being taken care of according to your instructions.<br><br>
Heck, I'm 6 months post-partum, and I don't want to leave my baby for 2 days with my MIL, because she wants to give my 6 month old solid food (and because I just don't want to be away from her for 2 days- the most important reason!). I tried to explain to her about the criteria for starting it, but all I get is a blank look and a lot of blinking. And a gift of a box of rice cereal and some jars of baby food...<br><br>
But at 7 weeks, honestly, I don't think you'll have energy or patience to deal with either the car race or the MIL. No offense to the MIL, because I know she means well and honestly cares. But at the same time, she has to accept that SHE IS NOT THE MOTHER, she is the GRANDMOTHER.<br><br>
You're going to want to sleep that saturday, even if you get lucky like I did and get one that sleeps through the nights. Because even if they sleep through the night, they take a lot out of you while you're awake.<br><br>
I have nothing but the greatest admiration and sympathy for those whose little ones wake up in the night. And I know that if your little one's still waking up at night at that point, a day spent at the races is going to be exhausting for you on every single level.<br><br>
Most likely, if you DO go, whether you take baby or not, you will end up so fatigued that you'll end up leaving early. Then his day will be spoiled, and he'll try to hide it, and things will just snowball from there.<br><br>
I mean, I'm not mind reader or fortune teller, I'm just saying that this is the most probably scenario unless you're Mrs. Super High Energy powerhouse of perfection. Which me... I ain't. Not even close.<br><br>
I really wouldn't make plans for it, because unless you're superhuman or something, realistically, it's likely to be too much of a day for you. (I KNOW it would be too much of a day for me. No doubt about it, no question.)
 

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Can you decide after the baby is born? It's really impossible to predict what your dc's personality will be and how you're going to feel.
 

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If it were me, I would not bring baby to a car race. How do you KNOW the earplugs are properly inserted and will work? Do they make special earplugs for babies? I could never get earplugs to work very good on myself. I agree with the pp who mentioned the pumping issue and engorgement. If you are gone a long time to a race, that really is a long time to be away from a 7 week old baby and in addition to him starting daycare at the same time. I think your DH should be understanding if you decide you cannot go with him, you can always go next year. Having a baby is a special circumstance.<br><br>
Also pp is right about you may not be physically or emotionally ready to be away from him that long. Birthing is hard on the body and it takes some longer to heal than others. And you WILL have lack of sleep, that is pretty much guaranteed <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Can you 100% trust your MIL that she won't give him something she's not supposed to even if you left her instructions? Maybe I'm being cynical here, but even if she said she would follow instructions, how do you know she won't dump your milk out and give him formula? Or put rice cereal in the bottle?
 

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I personally wouldn't feel good about leaving my baby at that age either.<br><br>
Invest in a good baby carrier (a wrap is comfortable for me anyway for long periods) and take the baby to the race with you. Seriously.
 

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Yup.
 

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I'm a freaking HUGE Nascar fan and understand your predicament (even though your hubby is the huge fan, not you). I've only been to 1 race, Darlington in September, and it was hot, crowded, and NOISY. I wouldn't trust earplugs or noise-reduction headphones on a baby that small, having to worry about people climbing over you, or worrying about having the closed-minded guy next to you pitch a royal fit about a nursing babe when you're still new to breastfeeding. Now, if you could get a deal on a box suite, that'd be a different story <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink">
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>CallMeMommy</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8135582"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I'm a freaking HUGE Nascar fan and understand your predicament (even though your hubby is the huge fan, not you). I've only been to 1 race, Darlington in September, and it was hot, crowded, and NOISY. I wouldn't trust earplugs or noise-reduction headphones on a baby that small, having to worry about people climbing over you, or worrying about having the closed-minded guy next to you pitch a royal fit about a nursing babe when you're still new to breastfeeding. Now, if you could get a deal on a box suite, that'd be a different story <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/winky.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Wink"></div>
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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I did rethink my answer, and I feel that my only exception would be Bristol night race. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/lol.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="lol">
 

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Thank you everyone for your replies, please continue to comment if you have an opinion.<br><br>
As far as the questions regarding my MIL: Yes, it would be just like her to feed the baby formula or cereal "just to get them used to it". She did it to my SIL w/o her consent. My niece was reverse cycling and my MIL couldn't take it that my niece would go 4 hours without eating during the day. This is not to say that my SIL did everything correctly, but that my MIL did go against her wishes on purpose. She even told my DH and I and told us not to tell her! I know she thinks she is doing the right thing, but I just don't trust her. She has flat out told me that she is going to do this when the baby is with her. As far as I am concerned, the baby won't stay with her ever. If she is going to go against our wishes on food, what else will she go behind our backs on? Not to mention that with the exception of co-sleeping, she has the complete opposite mindset of anything AP. (And she only agrees with co-sleeping for selfish reasons.) I have seen her with my niece, who she baby-sat, and saw time and time again why I would not want to leave my baby with her. I think she will be great when they are older, but just not with babies.<br><br>
I would feel better leaving the baby with one of my SIL, but both are pregnant and due at the same time as me. That would be too much for them and it would really hurt my MIL's feelings if we did that.<br><br>
I am just so torn. Having been married for 4 years and just having to worry about DH, it is a totally different dynamic now that we have a little one to worry about. I do not want to get in the habit of ignoring my DH's needs, but I just don't see a compromise. At what point do you draw the line? When do you decide who to put first, the baby or DH? I don't want him to feel ignored or un-loved. I want him to understand that my feelings for him have not changed. We worked for 2 years to have this baby and have grown so much closer through our infertility struggles, I don't want to regress. I understand his want for me to be there, we are best friends, we do most things together because we choose to. One of out big concerns with having children is that our relationship would suffer.
 

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The biggest thing I found with my daughter was to release all expectations of how things could and would be scheduled. It's very much a "play it by ear" time once the baby arrives. First babies are frequently a week or two late, which is fine and normal. So you might not even be dealing with a 7 week old. Some births are easy recoveries, some are longer. I had a very much unexpected c-section, and about 5 weeks out, I was just starting to feel like riding in the car and so forth. And even if everything goes perfectly, right on schedule, babies still have fussy days, upset tummy days, you name it. And so do new moms <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1"><br><br>
My vote would be to have your husband plan to attend with a friend. I wouldn't try earplugs on a newborn, but maybe noise reducing headphones. I don't know if they make them in newborn size. I would think the fit would be important to have them truly work.<br><br>
The issue with your MIL is a separate one, and unless you think she can easily be educated and will follow your instructions, I'd not leave the baby alone with her until breastfeeding is well-established. And you are right on with the thought that if you are already back to work, you won't want to miss out on more time on the weekends with your baby. If you're pumping during the week, like you want to pump more for the weekend!<br><br>
Good luck, I hope your husband can be understanding. It's going to be an adjustment for him too, as your time will be pretty intensely focused on the baby at first. It won't always be that way by any means, but at the start, everyone is happiest if mama gets to do what mama needs to do. (just saw your last comment about relationships....putting a 7 week old baby's health and comfort first, and by extension, your own comfort is not slighting your husband or setting up a pattern. Once the baby is here and not an abstract concept, I think he'll get it completely. He won't want his baby to be uncomfortable either. Things do need to change for a short time while babies are mother-dependent. Like I said, it's not forever.)
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RubixCube</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8135684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">Thank you everyone for your replies, please continue to comment if you have an opinion.<br><br>
As far as the questions regarding my MIL: Yes, it would be just like her to feed the baby formula or cereal "just to get them used to it". She did it to my SIL w/o her consent. My niece was reverse cycling and my MIL couldn't take it that my niece would go 4 hours without eating during the day. This is not to say that my SIL did everything correctly, but that my MIL did go against her wishes on purpose. She even told my DH and I and told us not to tell her! I know she thinks she is doing the right thing, but I just don't trust her. She has flat out told me that she is going to do this when the baby is with her. As far as I am concerned, the baby won't stay with her ever. If she is going to go against our wishes on food, what else will she go behind our backs on? Not to mention that with the exception of co-sleeping, she has the complete opposite mindset of anything AP. (And she only agrees with co-sleeping for selfish reasons.) I have seen her with my niece, who she baby-sat, and saw time and time again why I would not want to leave my baby with her. I think she will be great when they are older, but just not with babies.<br><br>
I would feel better leaving the baby with one of my SIL, but both are pregnant and due at the same time as me. That would be too much for them and it would really hurt my MIL's feelings if we did that.<br><br>
I am just so torn. Having been married for 4 years and just having to worry about DH, it is a totally different dynamic now that we have a little one to worry about. I do not want to get in the habit of ignoring my DH's needs, but I just don't see a compromise. At what point do you draw the line? When do you decide who to put first, the baby or DH? I don't want him to feel ignored or un-loved. I want him to understand that my feelings for him have not changed. We worked for 2 years to have this baby and have grown so much closer through our infertility struggles, I don't want to regress. I understand his want for me to be there, we are best friends, we do most things together because we choose to. One of out big concerns with having children is that our relationship would suffer.</div>
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If I had so much distrust of my MIL, I would plan on going to the race with DH and baby. I think it is reasonable for you to avoid leaving your baby with her without supervision based on her statements and her actions with your SIL's baby -- and if she asks, tell her straight up.<br><br>
So even though I would plan on going to the race, I would also make it ABUNDANTLY clear that if the baby (or I) were not OK, I would be leaving. I would not expect DH to also leave. We'd just plan accordingly -- either having a "pick up" point for you to come back and get him at the conclusion of the race, something along those lines.
 

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<div>Originally Posted by <strong>RubixCube</strong> <a href="/community/forum/post/8135684"><img alt="View Post" class="inlineimg" src="/community/img/forum/go_quote.gif" style="border:0px solid;"></a></div>
<div style="font-style:italic;">I do not want to get in the habit of ignoring my DH's needs, but I just don't see a compromise. At what point do you draw the line? When do you decide who to put first, the baby or DH? I don't want him to feel ignored or un-loved.</div>
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At the risk of sounding crass, your husband's a big boy and needs to learn that he's not always going to come first now. You'll have a tiny baby to worry about. If he doesn't want to take a friend to the race instead of you, maybe he needs to pick a different race to go to later in the season so you'll feel better about leaving the baby with family, or even go to a race before the baby arrives. I'm not trying to make your husband sound like a selfish cod, I could totally see my husband doing something like planning a race trip 7 weeks postpartum and having to work out a different plan with him. Sometimes they just don't "get" it, and especially being a new father, this is completely uncharted territory for him.
 

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DD is 6 months today and I still do not feel comfortable leaving her w/ anyone but DH. That may just be me, but I can tell you when I was pregnant I didn't think I still wouldn't be ready to leave DD by now. My point is, there is really no way to know whether you would want to leave your LO or not. Personally, if I thought my MIL would go against my wishes she would NEVER watch my child alone.<br><br>
As for the race, I would never take a baby that young to something so loud and crowded.
 

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I would absolutely NOT leave the baby with that woman and I would absolutely NOT take the baby to a Nascar race. They are hot, they are crowded, they are beyond noisy, and people smoke everywhere. Gross. NOT a safe or healthy place for a newborn.<br><br><br>
When you have a child, part of it is learning that the child's needs come first. This is usually instinctual for the mama, and often times for daddy, but some daddies don't quite get it right away. Suggesting that you leave the baby wil MIL so you can 'go together' tells me that he doesn't quite understand yet.<br><br><br>
Stay home. Send DH with a buddy.
 
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