[Phoebe]

I guess she didn't hear us

First she and my SIL bought some stupid mouse that is dressed like an elf and covered in christmas lights that sings "do wa ditty ditty dum ditty do..." for my 8 month old. Dumbest most annoying thing I've ever seen. To think they wasted money on that! We left it at his great grandmas house. Today she said she couldn't help herself and she bought him another toy. She said it has "wonderful" flashing lights and it plays classical music. Better than "do wa ditty..." I guess. I'm so bummed. I don't want to offend Dh by tossing it in the closet either. He feels the same way I do but maybe not as strongly.
This woman... I swear. She asked if he would want this fake compter thing that has lights and all that garbage. I made a face (man, I am a nice person really! I try to smile and be sweet but damn! This woman is such a buzz kill!!!) and I told her Uh, no.

BTW, we took her and my FIL to a local store that has fantastic wooden toys and all sorts of GREAT stuff. We said we like for him to have wooden stuff. Ugh...

What will you do if you are unfortuate enough to get this crap for christmas for your dc.

Man that sounds ungrateful. I hope no one takes it the wrong way. I just HATE the consumerism and the crud that is marketed to our kids...especially this time of year.
amy

 

[bec]

I hear you! My mom got my 1 year old a dog hand puppet that barks songs when you work the mouth! Now, admittedly, my baby thinks this thing is really hilarious, but I'm not all that amused.

The thing is, she really understands my desire for non-noisemaking, lights flashing toys and usually agrees! Makes it very frustrating.

I am planning on doing a big toy cull after Christmas and get rid of the junk that never gets played with. I'll take it to Goodwill or something. I'm sure a kid with nothing will appreciate it far more than I.

I would say to go to the needy mothers/helper mothers thread in TAO, but this really sounds awful.

Bec

 

[janerose]

nak

good question! this is our first x-mas so it will be interesting to see what dd gets. we're semi-against electronic gifts. really depends on the toy -- although that singing "elf" thing you got would have taken a hike for sure.

anyway, some i'm sure we'll keep, some may get returned, and anything plastic for chewing on will definitly get sent packing.

interested to see how the other mamas answer!

 

[jstar]

i casually mentioned to my mom that we want good wooden toys for ds but i didn't say anything to my mil. she wouldn't 'get' it and where she lives i doubt she'd even be able to find the kind of stuff i'm thinking of. we had our christmas morning with her yesterday because she's visiting this weekend. she got ds two flashing light noisy toys that are bugging me already (one is SO loud and has no volume control). he is really enjoying them though

but she got him a big duplo crocodile that eats up the duplos if you roll over them. it is plastic but at least duplos are 'old school' so i like that toy. my sister and i played with duplos when we were little.

i bought him a set of wooden blocks. its the one and only christmas present i have bought so far this year

(will someone tell me what nak means?? i see it all the time and i'm sure it will be obvious once someone spells it out

)

 

[Ravin]

It's hard to complain about a toy that helps pick itself up!

 

[carolsly]

I donate them! I replace them with stuff the kids really want. They bring me the stuff they don't want. I've told the kids "that one takes special batteries that we can't get in Alaska." I know..bad mama. or..that's a downstairs toy (our downstairs is the family room and the kids rooms).

 

[annab]

Is this a contest? Can I compete?

My son is two, and my MIL was dismayed that she could not find Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots for him! Can you believe it? At least that opened the door for DH to be able to explain to her that violent, sexist, racist and noisy plastic toys are not acceptable in our house. To prevent the problem (I thought), I created a Wish List on Amazon for our son. She did manage to get CandyLand for him (off the list), but she was still bummed about not finding the other.

I simply would not take it out of the box. My family and DH's family really know how I feel about these things. They would not be surprised. I would simply say, "Oh, honey, we are don't have everything we need for this one, let's unwrap this!" and do a switch-a-roo, shoving the offending toy under the couch. I would then offer the gift giver the opportunity to try again if they wanted or to let me take care of it.

I understand not wanting to seem ungrateful, but there is no reason for someone to go directly against your wishes. That is subversive to me.

 

[Ceinwen]

Nak - "nursing at keyboard" usually to excuse some brutal, one handed typing.

On the note of the crap toys thing - oh yeah, been there done that. I made my MIL take me with her this year. Got some AMAZING wooden toys that I flat out couldn't afford from a local small business that sells only quality open ended type toys.

It's a good thing I went, because despite my horror last year, MIL still thinks Wal-Mart and Fisher Price have the best (meaning loudest, brightest, tackiest, most annoying) toys ever and completely can't understand my aversion to them.

The only problem I have is that even though dh agrees with me, he has a hard time letting me get rid of the junk we get "because my mom bought it and she's just trying to help". I usually sort toys when he's gone and then just shrug when he asks "where's the what or so and so?".

 

[Phoebe]

nak = nursing at keyboard

I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one. I do feel sometimes like I should just lighten up. They're just toys after all. But I just can't stand it. I think it's the going against our wishes for our boy that bothers me. But I think the general idea is that grandparents have a special right to get what ever kind of crap they or the kid wants. YKWIM?

 

[Ex Libris]

jstar, nak=nursing at keyboard

I'd suggest you find some acceptable toy companies and get your MIL on the mailing list! I found a great catalog with all wooden toys and told the grandparents about it, and we already got some from FIL. I think he appreciated us telling him what to get ds. I've finally trained my mom, too. She offered to take back this huge rubber/plastic playmat and has instead sent a bunch of wooden, imaginative toys (for ex. I think there's a beginner band set under the tree). Now, MIL is a different story. She's been not-so-subtle about finding problems with our parenting style, but I'm hoping she'll at least adhere to our toy wishes. She's arriving tomorrow, and has sent ahead several huge boxes, which I think are mostly for ds. I can't imagine what he'd need that's that big (I shudder to think), but I guess we'll find out soon enough!

P.S. if you still keep getting these awful toys, I'd second what carolsly and bec said and give them to charity.

 

[Melsie]

Not that I am going to be much help, but it makes me feel so much better to see this thread. I agree with the OP that I too am a nice person and don't want to seem ungrateful but I hate the fact that no one listens to us and that they spend money on things that I will just get rid of. Family doesn't seem to get that we are trying to live a simpler life...I wish I could just lighten up but you know the saying 'if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy' So I just dread the holidays and now I have a cold sore! (and I have never had one in my entire life!)

It is hard for DH to see things my way and his family is the worst offender by far. Not only do they go completely overboard but their pets 'give' us gifts as well.

 

[Thmom]

this usually isn't a problem for us, my inlaws are usually pretty good about buying off the list. but the one time dsil bought dd a barbie (she thought it was okay because it was Dr Barbie

) my dd had disembodied it in less than 24 hrs

so I put the pieces in a baggy and gave them back to her

we haven't had a problem since

 

[MomaKat]

It certainly doesn't "solve" the problem, but i finally (after many refusals of loud obnoxious toys) told my mom she can buy whatever sge wants, but she'll have to keep it at her hoiuse. if course dd is only 10 months and we haven't had anyone offer barbies or weapons.

 

[rubelin]

We don't have very strict rules about prezzies (like no allergies to plastic and LEGO is a religion in our house, lol!) but DH's dad and aunt seem to have the greatest love for the most loud, violent and wretched stuff ever. This is Ben's 5th xmas and finally FIL got it right, nothing but clothes! And this time they aren't super cheap and actually fit! So we might be getting somewhere. I feel bad with some of the stuff we've donated to the Goodwill, I have so much guilt for the poor parents that have ended up with some of those things.

Now, we don't see Aunt until Xmas Eve, so we shall see how another year has passed with her. Last year it was the scary, evil transformer robot that shot missles and such (he was the leader of the the bad guys, could she have found a more horrible thing?!?) That quickly made it's way into the bag for the LLL yard sale.

So I've gotten good at returning things for store credit (at least 2 things each year) and we keep the local Goodwill in business. Thank goodness Ben has a short memory

 

[Ponoma]

What I would give for x ray vision to see into the wrapping paper and
casually put the offending toy aside. Or at least try in vain to keep the thing in the box and simply say, let's save playing with this one till a rainy or snowy day..and then exchange it. One friend did that for a year's worth of tacky gifts
and managed to purchase a bike for her son with the credit. Regrettably
sometimes the not so good toys include not so good books.

 

[bwylde]

I'm sacred to see what the kids have gotten. Mom brought over a garbage bag of presents earlier and she said it wasn't a fraction of what she got

: . I tell her and tell her I would rather them get one nice thing they will like and play with rather than a heap of things that mean nothing. She doesn't get it (she could probably pay for their post secondary education with the money she wastes

: ).

MIL is not as bad but bad enough. She too is way into loud, singing, dancing, lights and action toys. I think she got DS a bike, which isn't bad but I know that's not the only thing she got him.

What gets me is they complain and go on about how the kids have too much stuff and it is 95%+ their fault. The things I get the kids (well DS anyway so far) are things they love and get tons of use out of. I make sure the stuff we don't want gets passed on hopefully to someone who enjoys it

 

[Mummoth]

This year I don't care about plastic. I don't care about noise. I don't care about lights. I just don't want DS to get anything that has small parts. I spent months weeding out choking hazzards when I was pregnant with DD. DS is just turning 3, so we didn't have much to begin with... he was never big on putting stuff in his mouth, though. I think DD might be. If we get anything that might be dangerous, we'll leave it over there (since, apparently, we're going to them... found that out tonight.)

 

[because]

Luckily, SIL started an email thread in the family with a very specific list (we're talking maker, price, store LOL) for her boys. It was easy for us just to reply with a similar list for DD. I have high hopes this year...

It's probably a little late to do it this year, but is there any way to get something like that going for next year?

 

[momto l&a]

My mil sends either cash or gifts cards and we do the shopping as it cost to much for them to send the gifts. Which really is a good thing becaus edh and i can pick out the gifts for the girls.

they do send a couple of really small things but this year it was hat and gloves, cant go wrong there. Well I guess as long as they fit :LOL

Just remind me to never go there for Christmas as that means they will do all the shopping

 

[EviesMom]

I don't know what we'll do with the junk I know we'll get. We have a pile of stuff from the baby shower still under our stairs (crib bumper, some hideous toys), so in January, one new year resolution will be getting rid of it all somehow. My mom is horrible about gifts, and always has been, so I should be used to it, but...argh!

vent: She asks for a list, we give her a list, and then she calls asking what she can get that will be special, (she insists that if it's on the list it isn't "special") and then gets us way too much stuff, 3/4 of which is not from the list and is not our style and usually utter junk. When she's here, she demands to know where the toys she and her friends and relatives buy dd are. The stuff that's "from the list" is rough approximations, even if I list manufacturer and all info.

(ie- we wanted a yoga ball for bouncing dd and my mom told me yesterday that she decided they were too big for her, so she got an unsafe for bouncing on, not deflatable/reinflatable playground ball instead... (sigh I don't know what I'll have to do to return the damn thing, and I'm sure it's not from anywhere I can use the credit to buy a balance ball). And she's very excited about getting out the walker I used as a baby to give it to my dd... usually I like multigenerational toys but not a walker! I won't be able to get rid of it/throw it away, and I've tried to explain that they're not advised but she thinks I'm attacking her parenting. I'll try telling her dd hates it on that one, but I suspect she'll insist on putting dd in it on xmas eve when she's here, so it may not work. Sigh. Oh yes, and we live in a tiny studio apartment, which makes space a major issue.