I wanted to also say that deployments are HARD! Is this your first one? The fighting, the distance, the "I have no idea who he is" feeling...those are all VERY common. I love my husband very much, but after his last deployment, I had no idea who he was. When I picked him up when he got home, I had ZERO emotion. I didn't want to go get him. I didn't care he was home. It was almost a year before things leveled out again, for him and for me. You are living separate lives, and can't even truly talk about things because he doesn't have time to listen to you, and he can't really be open with you about what he's doing. Also, he's probably used to living in an all male environment...which means he's used to very little emotions, and a very organized way of doing things. It's going to be hard for him to relate to you or talk nicely to you right now. His life is tough.
I don't know where your husband is, but my husband's first deployment, he slept on a door that he found somewhere and wedged in a bedframe that he found somewhere else. It didn't really fit quite right, so it was sort of elevated and crooked. He spent 16 hours of every day wearing 100+ pounds of gear in over 100 degree weather on patrol, out in the open. The other 8 hours he was planning missions and trying to sleep a little. He ate MREs or stuff from care packages...most days he didn't get hot chow at all, and they days he did it was only once a day. Once a week or every two weeks, he'd call me and could talk for a few minutes. But that was it. Your husband is NOT going to be himself...and he's going to be hard to talk to. You are going to feel like you don't know who he is, and is going to be short-tempered and sound like a jerk. I'm not trying to make you feel bad...I'm just offering a bit of perspective. It's not just deployments, either...the workups can be SO terribly stressful, that you are almost glad to see them finally go. This is a hard life. Please think carefully before you give up your marriage...
Yes, it's SO SO hard. You both have different support groups, and it's no longer each other. That can be fixed and overcome. I highly recommend talking to the chaplain or getting some other form of couseling. This is so common...it doesn't have to be the end of your marriage. Everyone goes through a cycle of emotions before, during, and after a deployment. Your feelings can be extreme and difficult to handle, but you are probably within the realms of "normal". One of those cycles is "withdrawl." This is where you pull back to protect yourself from the fear of him being gone, etc. Your relationship can really suffer at this point, especially if he is in the same stage of the cycles. Following that, you began to feel like you have it under control and can function again. If you are still holding on to that withdrawl, then you start feeling like you don't need him, know him, or like him. Who is he anyway? Those feelings are also just part of the cycle. They'll pass, and move on to excitement that he's coming home (or in my case...I was finally there about a year after he got back...it was a really rough one for us.), etc.
militaryonesource.com is absolutely free to military members and their spouses. All the phone operators have college degrees and are specifically trained to handle all SORTS of situations. I was a volunteer with my husband's battalion last deployment, and believe me, I've heard a lot of crazy stuff... Anyway, you are entitled to at least 8 (I think) free counseling sessions. Nothing goes on his record, by the way. A lot of guys are nervous about seeking counseling because they don't want any trouble with their careers...it doesn't go on record.
Obviously, I don't know all the details of your situation, but wanted to agree whole heartedly with the others who have been through deployments that now is not the time (barring other factors) to decide whether or not you want to stay married. Really think it through, and please, seek consult from a professional who deals with families in the midst of deployments. They will help you think clearly and find your way through the muddle.
I have one more thing...a plea, really. I don't where your husband is, or what he is doing, but if this is simply a "I don't think I love him anymore and I hate all this fighting we're doing" thing...please, try to not fight with him, try to encourage him, and deal with this when he gets home. It's not fair to a guy under extreme stress in a combat zone (and just because he may act like it's calm doesn't mean for a second it is...those guys do ALOT they never talk about...) to keep throwing family problems in his face. It's not safe for him...and it's not safe for the other guys who need him to have a clear head when it gets tough.
I feel like I've been pretty blunt, but it's coming from a place in me that has seen this over and over...and the ruin and wreck and heartache it causes, simply because the spouses didn't understand each other, and didn't know that what they were feeling was normal, and most importantly, temporary.
I'll be praying for you to reach a wise and well-thought out decision.