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My mom and dad came for a visit with the baby, and us. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngtongue.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Stick Out Tongue"> My mom is crazy about the baby. He's going to be 7 months old on Wednesday and is very friendly, sitting up, grabbing things, smiling, and saying babababa and making raspberries. He is learning neat stuff all the time before your eyes! My mom was totally into him, and he was just as loving to her. (Have I ever told you how great my son is? He totally knows when people love him and he just loves them back.)<br><br>
Anyway it was really nice. But. I think my mom is a lot more into my son than she ever was into me or my sister. She was just playing with him and having a good time. She was even relaxed this visit. She just enjoyed him. I let her feed him solids (sweet potato and rice cereal) and play with him on the floor. They both had a lot of fun.<br><br>
Is it weird that I feel sad that she never enjoyed me that much? I'm so happy that she can be this way with him and that he can enjoy her, but...I wish I had had her like that for me when I was a baby and a little girl. Is this a churlish complaint?
 

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Okay! that went into the wrong forum! Maybe a mod could move it into Parenting Issues?
 

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You know, my DH says the same thing about his father. His dad is wonderful with DD, and DH gets angry/sad almost every time we visit. On the way home he tells me "why couldn't he have been like that with us?". His sister says the same thing.<br><br>
I think, at least in his case, he was a young father, poor immigrant who came here with nothing, worked his butt off, married to a very difficult woman...now he's older, got his stuff together, retired, leads a very relaxing life. And I think he does realize what he missed with his own kids' babyhood.
 

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as painful as the mixed feelings are..and believe me I hear it your post, capt optimism and the same for your dh, piglet...<br><br>
it is even worse...at least for me...when they were a lame mother/father and are just as lame with ds. I can count a handful of good outings with my mother and my father. But there are also an equal of amount of lameness with ds, and they were both atrocious with my pregnancy. I mean Narcissus could take lessons from them.<br><br>
last month, my mother actually said, "that little boy looks about the same age as what-his-name"<br><br>
"what his name" is my son. Her only grandchild.<br><br>
Let the pain come up from childhood and process it as best as you can but man, if she is getting it right with your child then she's doing better than others... trust me.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;"><i>Originally posted by captain optimism</i><br><b><br>
Is it weird that I feel sad that she never enjoyed me that much? I'm so happy that she can be this way with him and that he can enjoy her, but...I wish I had had her like that for me when I was a baby and a little girl. Is this a churlish complaint?</b></td>
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THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!! I thought I was the only way to feel this way. I felt EXACTLY this way when my dd was a baby/toddler. I thought I had worked through my "mom issues" years before but when I had dd they all came back. Seeing mom be so great with dd made me - sad to say - jealous.<br><br>
I am better now <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> I guess I re-worked through my issues <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/orngbiggrin.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="orange big grin"> Anyway, as my mom said, being a Grandma is all the fun of being a mom but none of the stress. My mom gets uninterrupted sleep, doesn't have to worry about money for doctor visits, doesn't have the daily grind of discipline and tantrums, doesn't have to spend 24/7 with no time to herself, etc. I guess I can see how it's relatively easy being a good Grandma even when she found it hard to be a mom.<br><br>
All that said I'm glad my kids have a great Grandma. And for the record, my mom's mom was an AWFUL mom but a FANTASTIC Grandma to me.<br><br>
Trabot I just read your post and I'm so sorry for what you have to deal with <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/mecry.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="crying">
 

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I think it has to do with age and maturity for one, and also being a grandmother is alot "easier" than being a mom. You get to love on and spoil an adorable precious being without also having to give up your sleep, rearrange your life or have your entire house be babyproof tripping over endless toys with throw up on you and the bed in the middle of the night. I am sure it must be hard to feel that loss of why wasn't I treated this good, but just feel grateful that your child won't have to go through that. My mom was a good mother to me, but she says being a grandmother is where it is at, and she loves her new role.
 

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<table border="0" cellpadding="6" cellspacing="0" width="99%"><tr><td class="alt2" style="border:1px inset;">Trabot I just read your post and I'm so sorry for what you have to deal with</td>
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You are kind. It actually is okay. I have a loving husband a beautiful son and a whole bunch of friends who totally 'get' me and my family which takes the edge of youknowho's lameness. but I'm not blind to it, I just don't hang out it in too long.
 

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Hey Cap'n! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile"><br><br>
Not to belittle your feelings, but really I feel like you should be overjoyed. The time of your childhood is long gone and your mom is now being a big mensch to your kid and he loves her.<br><br>
My dd has no one, just me, not even lousy grandparents that suck - zilch. It breaks my heeart into shreds every day. When I see other people's babies with their grandma I cry for my child. She deserves loving grandparents more than any kid in the world and will never have one.<br><br>
Be grateful, really you should be so happy...
 

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I think that you can learn to come to terms with the fact that someone may have been a lousy parent, but that they are a fabulous grandparent. Like they can have been a lousy parent to a young child, but a great parent to a grown-up child. I think it's natural to have some regrets, but at the same time, you can be joyful for your child that he/she has that special grandparent relationship.<br><br>
People learn as they grow older. Being a parent is so different to being a grandparent. Living 24/7 with a child while worrying about money, responsibilities, work etc, is sometimes a dead weight that prevents someone from being a good parent. When those pressures are removed, and the responsibility gone, it can be relatively easy to be a good grandparent. That doesn't lessen the lousiness of the job that the parent did, but it might explain it.<br><br>
Glad to hear that your child has a wonderful grandmother. He is very lucky! <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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I can understand those feelings, and I think they are totally normal, but think about it...what's the alternative? If your mom wasn't any more attentive with your ds than she was with you, then you'd probably be upset about that.<br><br>
My SIL gets very upset that her dad seems so much more involved with my dd than he was with her as a child. And now that SIL has a son of her own, she feels that her dad, my FIL, is more involved with my dd than her ds. If that's true, it's more because of geography (SIL & family live out-of-state) and because her ds is still a baby. When my dd was a baby, FIL didn't really know what to do with her either. I feel sad that she feels this way, though, and I know it must be hard for her.<br><br>
I do think that it is "easier" to be a grandparent, too, because all you need to do is dote on the kid, and you don't have to worry about how you're raising them or take their behavior personally.<br><br>
Plus, you can always think of it this way - maybe your mom is learning from you - she sees the loving way in which you interact with your son, and wants to do the same. That should make you feel really good, right? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/smile.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="smile">
 

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Captain, some parents are just better at being grandparents!<br><br>
I grew up the much loved and very adored daughter of two awesome parents (i have a brother too), so i cant tell you how i'd feel, because i just dont know what its like. However, both my parents had parents that were lacking to say the least, yet my grandparents were awesome. My dad always shook his head at how well i was loved by his dad (my grandmother adored my dad) who really treated him like crap growing up, and the same goes for my moms parents.<br><br>
Sometimes parents just cant be what we want and need. Please, count your lucky stars and revel in the fact that your mom so enjoys your precious baby, he sounds wonderful!
 

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That's an interesting topic. My mom always told me that grandparents and parents are totally different. She used her own parents as an example. Although she had a great relationship with them, she told me all the time that when they became grandparents to me, they were a lot more patient and fun. I think it just goes with the territory. I can even see it now with my own parents. My mom was totally into me and my brother, but she also had a lot of family stresses that she had to deal with in addition to raising kids. My dad was around, but not always emotionally there. Now, as grandparents, they don't have the same responsibilities and stresses. It's me and my dh's job to worry about the bills, school, clothes, etc, etc. The grandparents' job is just to enjoy and have fun. It's even more interesting to me to watch my own grandmother with my dd. She tells me all the time that my dd is her reason for living. It is such a special relationship. Growing up I always knew that my grandmother adored me...that special bond....but now I feel that the bond is even greater with my dd than it was with me. I don't feel jealous, however. I am truly happy. I also hope that my mom can have a special relationship with my dd just like have with my own grandmother. Being a grandparent is definitely different than being a parent. I've even seen some really bad parents, who are now awesome grandparents. My dad is kind of like that. He wasn't really bad, just not availaible. Now, he wants to talk to dd on the phone all the time.....BTW, she's only 19 months. He simply glows when he sees her....go figure....he even changed her diaper once! Something he never did with either me or my brother. I guess we all grow, even when we are adults.....that's kind of how I look at becoming a grandparent.....a new and exciting phase that is different than the last phase.....<br><br><br>
Libby
 

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Another thought, again from personal experience - my dad is 'making up' with my kids for lack of baby-time with my siblings. When my brother and sister were toddlers, he commuted and was gone a week, back two days, gone a week, etc. He feels like he missed out on the 'most fun time' of their lives, and doesn't want to make the mistake with his grandkids.<br><br>
Of course, there is also the fact that grandparents don't have to worry about being disciplinarians (or at least, the good ones realize that they don't) and so they let go of a lot of the worries they had when they were actually parents. They are free now to just love on the kids and not worry about spoiling or how they're developing or whatever.<br><br>
And then there is always the fact that with you, your parents had to bathe and diaper and 'coach' and scold - and now they can just plain play with the kids. Of course, in my case, my dad watches the kids for a significant time period at least once a week, so he has to do these things too - but strangely enough, he actually enjoys it now that he feels he isn't apt to mess anything up.<br><br>
I have to say that my parents were totally rotten disciplinarians - inconsistent at best - and that they never seemed to make enough time for us (I babysat my younger siblings a LOT - and I do mean a lot, 6+ hours a day after school). But being grandparents totally brings out the best of their styles and it is so absolutely wonderful to see my kids love them so.<br><br>
If ever I am tempted to feel jealous that my kids get more attention from my parents than I feel I ever did, I remember that my parents sacrificed a LOT for me at a poor time in their lives, that they DID love me, and that they are in a better position now and are totally enamored with my kids. I let it go long ago, knowing that this IS what I want for my kids, and what happened to me is largely irrelevent to how my own children grow up, and certainly can't hurt them unless I let it haunt me.
 
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