Mixed feelings re: dh...

2224 Views 60 Replies 23 Participants Last post by woobysma, Jun 29, 2004

rgarlough

Discussion Starter · Jun 23, 2004

I'll start out by saying that our son is intact

but my dh isn't (

:ignore)

Well, because I've grown so accustom to seeing my DS's NORMAL penis, when I

have intimate moments with my dh, I have this tendency to get all sad inside when I think about his circ'd penis

: I try to just remind myself that his mom/dad did what they thought was best for him at the time...

but sometimes it really affects my mood when we

: I've brought it up before and even though dh doesn't say he's upset one way or the other (he doesn't really know what he's missing he says) it can really put a damper on my arrousal

Anyone have any thoughts/idea on how I can help myself get past this and have a good time with my dh?

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MonicaS

· #2 · Jun 23, 2004

Although, it doesn't affect me a lot, I do have very similar thoughts about my circ DH. I often wonder what we're both missing.

[tangent]We may get flamed for saying this out loud since the tables can be turned to "how would we feel if our DHs were discussing how our vulvas could be better looking/functioning." I don't think that's fair. These are real emotions and I can't think of any other group that can discuss this openly.[/tangent]

TMI...we were watching an...ehem...adult video the other night when I noticed the guy was INTACT! I was like "OMG, he's intact!" I couldn't help but talk about it.

I hope I didn't make DH feel weird since he's not intact or b/c I might have been a little too interested.

He was actually interested in seeing how it **worked**, too. OK, going back under my rock now...

:

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house elf

· #3 · Jun 23, 2004

I am SO GLAD someone out there feels the same way. It has almost brought me to tears thinking about the way he was mutilated as an innocent baby. I am sure he didn't even have anesthesia. His penis just looks so ... not right. I have never told him my feelings about it though.

It makes me angry when I hear moms talk about how they circ'd because their son and his future girlfriends/wife would like it better that way. How in the world can they know that? I wish my dh was intact and so does he.

house elf

· #4 · Jun 23, 2004

Quote:

TMI...we were watching an...ehem...adult video the other night when I noticed the guy was INTACT! I was like "OMG, he's intact!" I couldn't help but talk about it. I hope I didn't make DH feel weird since he's not intact or b/c I might have been a little too interested

This happened to us, too, before our son was born (we knew we would not circ from the start). DH was the one who commented on the guy being intact and I could tell he was interested in how it worked!

woobysma

· #5 · Jun 24, 2004

I'm in the same boat - I've found that since I've started doing so much research on intact penises in prep for this baby, I'm starting to really wish dh wasn't circ'd.
We have a really great sex life, but I do have some some complaints (that's not the right word, but can't think of another one) and when I read about how a normal penis functions, it sounds like a foreskin would solve almost everything that bothers me now.

So glad someone else said it though - I couldn't say anything to DH

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house elf

· #6 · Jun 24, 2004

Quote:

it sounds like a foreskin would solve almost everything that bothers me now.

ITA. Things I thought were my fault I now realize don't have anything to do with me.

woobysma

· #7 · Jun 24, 2004

every time I see an ad on the tele for KY or Viagra, I just want to go "UUUUGGGHHHHH"

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MonicaS

· #8 · Jun 24, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by woobysma
I'm in the same boat - I've found that since I've started doing so much research on intact penises in prep for this baby, I'm starting to really wish dh wasn't circ'd.
We have a really great sex life, but I do have some some complaints (that's not the right word, but can't think of another one) and when I read about how a normal penis functions, it sounds like a foreskin would solve almost everything that bothers me now.

EXACTLY! - you worded my thoughts much better than I.

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boingo82

· #9 · Jun 24, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by woobysma
I'm in the same boat - I've found that since I've started doing so much research on intact penises in prep for this baby, I'm starting to really wish dh wasn't circ'd.
We have a really great sex life, but I do have some some complaints (that's not the right word, but can't think of another one) and when I read about how a normal penis functions, it sounds like a foreskin would solve almost everything that bothers me now.

So glad someone else said it though - I couldn't say anything to DH

Same boat here. You've articulated how I feel precisely. We have a fantastic time together but I can't help wonder how things would be different for *both* of us if his mother had left him be.

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Frankly Speaking

· #10 · Jun 24, 2004

My ex and my former girlfriends could comiserate with all of you. I have often heard that they were just too irritated to go on. That was a disappointment for both of us. We both assumed it was their fault for not being tough enough. Now, I know better.

Frank

LavenderMae

· #11 · Jun 24, 2004

I'm right there with the rest of you. You have all said what I feel so well that I won't repeat.

earthmama007

· #12 · Jun 24, 2004

Quote:

I'm right there with the rest of you. You have all said what I feel so well that I won't repeat.

Ditto.

boingo82

· #13 · Jun 24, 2004

Does anyone else kind of wish they had skanked around a bit more before marrying, so they'd at least know what they're missing?

Though it would've taken a lot of skanking, given the circ rate in my age group and this state especially.

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glitterbits333

· #14 · Jun 24, 2004

So glad to have come across this thread!

I have similar feelings to all of you. Sadness for my DH, because he DOES know what he's missing, in a way, at least, from all that we've learned about circumcision. Anger at his parents, who I already don't get along with, for not going against the grain on this issue. Wonder at what sex would be like for both of us if it hadn't been done. Worry about the years to come, when we're both older and the kinds of issues we might have to deal with then. I'm pissed off that our future sex life could be greatly compromised by the ignorance of society.

I think the hardest part of all though, is that I would never want to bring this up with DH, and I've never had an issue like that before. That I felt like I couldn't talk to him about. It would just end up making him feel bad, and I don't want to do that at all.

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Frankly Speaking

· #15 · Jun 24, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by glitterbits333
Worry about the years to come, when we're both older and the kinds of issues we might have to deal with then. I'm pissed off that our future sex life could be greatly compromised by the ignorance of society.

When life gives you lemons, make lemonade! The percentage of circumcised men hitting their 50's and their lovers will continue to increase for another 35 years in lockstep with the rate of circumcision from 1950-1990. As these couples age, they are going to need help in ever increasing numbers. Invest your money in the company that makes KY Jelly and watch the stock increase. If you can't have great comfortable sex, at least you can have a secure retirement.

Frank

PuppyFluffer

· #16 · Jun 24, 2004

What about foreskin restoration? Isn't it worth the improvements to go through the process?

Frankly Speaking

· #17 · Jun 24, 2004

Well, yeah. It certainly does the job but I was really just being funny in my response. :LOL

Frank

A&A

· #18 · Jun 24, 2004

Ditto to some of the above-posted feelings.

Dh doesn't want to know what he is missing. He doesn't want to get angry about it. I think it's fine to discuss our feelings here, but ladies, please tread VERY CAREFULLY when/if talking to your dh's/partners about this. They can't help that they are mutilated. And foreskin restoration wouldn't totally restore what has been lost.

At first I didn't even think about him being circ'd, ya know, before I started researching it. But even then, I thought that the anatomy just looked wrong, like something was missing. The head ends too abruptly where the shaft begins. Duh! Now I know that the FORESKIN is missing!
Dh used to "chide" me sometimes for being too dry. He's become much more compassionate since I told him that HE was supposed to produce lubrication, as well.

The fact that BOTH of his parents have now expressed regret about having him circ'd makes me feel better.

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DesireeH

· #19 · Jun 24, 2004

I feel bad for my dh too. I can just picture him, as a tiny baby laying in one of those things that hold their legs down. It makes me want to cry. Dh has a scar that I have said "oh poor baby!" but I dont comment on anything else about what he is missing cause I dont want to hurt his feelings. He didnt do it to himself.

We did see a circ baby the other day when our friend was changing his diaper in the lving room and when we got home dh said "what the heck was wrong with that baby?" I said, he is circ. Its odd that he, as a circ man, thinks a circ'd penis looks odd.

Frankly Speaking

· #20 · Jun 24, 2004

Quote:

Originally Posted by A&A
Dh used to "chide" me sometimes for being too dry. He's become much more compassionate since I told him that HE was supposed to produce lubrication, as well.

Being the senior member here, I've run into this. My last GF was older than me and we always had to use a lube. About 5 months after I started restoration, we stopped using the lube and never used it again. Sometimes she would say "I'm dry tonight." meaning she thought we would probably need to use lube but we never did. No matter how dry she was, it was always comfortable for her and me. She never complained of being irritated either.

Frank

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