Well, we had "the talk" and it ultimately went well, although it was uncomfortable at times.
I mean, heck, i can identify. Our first job is to protect our kids, right? and her older kid was bitten a bunch at a pevious daycare, too.
So, we talked, she talked about feeling uncomfortable, and I talked to her about the things we are doing and trying to quell the biting. We also came up with the idea of offering biting toys and teething gel throughout the day, because most of the biting of this particular kid has seemed random and I think teething related. so the idea is, if dd's teeth are bothering her, offering good ways to deal with it as a preventative. I also suggested that dd and this kid be kept away from each otehr today.
the other momma is worried her kid is going to be scared of daycare, which is not so far the case. I am concerned that if the momma is scared, the kid will get scared, too. But at drop off today, the kid was happy and fine.
Ultimately it was a good talk. i wish we had the policy where the parents don't know which kid is biting though, because I kept feeling like I had to work to not get defensive. Especially when she suggested that dd is picking on her kid because she's the smallest.
But I think it's ok, but if her kid gets bitten again it will be hard to deal with.
thanks again for all of the advice and support. i really apprciated hearing from all of you who've been there on both sides.