I'm staying with my parents right now (they live on the other side of the country and we're visiting) and she keeps making comments about my choices! Firstly, she refuses to spend any time without the television on (we're a TV free family) even though it's giving me headaches (I only ask that she shut it off for a half hour!) and she keeps making comments like "You had better never bring tofu over for that child or I'll be feeding him something else!" ???? He's MY child, I am his mother and it's MY decision to feed him what I feel is best for him (it's a stupid argument because he's too young for tofu right now, but it's the disrespect that bugs me). How dare you tell me that you would undermine my parenting! Then, when I explained my choices about natural toys she says "well, this is Grandma's house, anything goes." No, anything does not go! No matter where my child is, I expect people to at least try and respect my parenting choices. Oh, and this one is my favorite: "You're going to make him weird. You can't save the world through your child. It's just going to make him weird." What? Seriously? I'm just angry and irritable, especially since the TV is constantly blaring here. Thanks for reading and allowing me to get it out (without getting into it with my mother).
Just a curous question - when she comes (if she does) to visit you in your home - do you allow her to bring her own foods into your home if she doesn't eat what you do? Do you allow her to bring a small tv and watch it in her room for example?
I hope you're able to come to a middle ground with your Mom some day! And I'm glad you have this place so you don't have to end up saying things that could be regretted later on!!
s
My dad has brain cancer and can't travel, so she hasn't been able to come out and see us.
Quote:
Originally Posted by just_lily
I always think you need to tread carefully with grandparents. Even if you aren't intending to, she may interpret your comments as putting down HER parenting choices, assuming you were raised eating meat, watching television, and playing with plastic toys. She might be very hurt that how she raised her children, is not "good enough" for yours.
Plus, it is her house. I don't really think you can go there and then be upset that she has the tv on. She is correct in that she gets to do what she wants in her own house... you just have the freedom to decide whether or not you want to visit.
I totally believe that people should be free to parent however they want, but I also don't believe that anyone should expect other people to bend over backwards accomodating them either. For me, I would be willing to put up with some television and plastic toys at Grandma's house in the spirit of family harmony.
I too hope that you can come to a more peaceful place with your mom.
It's not that I expect her to bend over backwards, but I do expect her to respect my parenting. I expect her to not give my children foods that I don't want them to have, I do expect her to not undermine my authority, which is what I feel is happening.
Sure, she can have the TV on and eat what she wants, but if I bring snacks for my children that I feel are appropriate, she shouldn't tell me that she's going to throw them out and give them what she wants.
The TV is a minor issue and you're right she can have it on if she wants. But if I say, no, don't do that with my child, she should respect that. And she needs to stop criticizing my choices by telling me that my children will end up weird, etc.
This is an older thread, you may not receive a response, and could be reviving an old thread. Please consider creating a new thread.
Related Threads
?
?
?
?
?
Mothering Forum
16.5M posts
285.1K members
Since 1996
A forum community dedicated to all mothers and inclusive family living enthusiasts. Come join the discussion about nurturing, health, behavior, housing, adopting, care, classifieds, and more!