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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
What would you do?<br><br>
My Mom is DS's primary daycare provider, and is generally very good with him, and respects my parenting choices, mostly. She has to make comments about EBF periodically, etc, but no biggie. Today I was picking him up from her house when she made a big show of opening a big bag of M&Ms and gave everyone 1 M&M, saying "the next time you use the potty, everyone will get another M&M, but you can't have another one unless you use the potty."<br><br>
Now, introducing this to a newly 3yo at supper time is not a recipie for success. He had a minor melt-down in the face of being denied chocolate. However, I had intended to do potty learning in a more developmental manner--i.e. he'll start doing it when he's ready, he has a potty, we read books and talk about it, he has some naked time at home, etc. He is *very* verbal and can tell me when he's wet/poopy, but really resists diaper changes as well. There is a part of me that is ready to be done washing the darn things *and* he will go to preschool this fall if and only if he is out of diapers by then.<br><br>
I'm conflicted because I know he *could* do it if he wanted to, he's just not so interested in the potty and wants to continue playing without the interruption of changing or pottying. I'm not so into this reward-for-potty idea either--hey, I read Unconditional Parenting. I think he needs a bit of encouragement, but I need to tell my mom to tone it down.<br><br>
Any ideas for wooing the reluctant potty learner? <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment"> He also seems a little intimidated by anything he perceives as being for "bigger boys," (i.e. he won't wear jeans).<br><br>
TIA!
 

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I'll have to be honest and admit to using m&ms (successfully) with ds BUT<br>
1) Your mom has no right to go over your head and make decisions without your approval<br><br>
2) she is turning the incentive into a punishment, i.e. you CAN'T have an m&m because you haven't used the potty instead of, wow you used the potty, wow I am so proud, would you like an m&m?<br><br>
3) It doesn't have to be an m&m. It can be a sticker or something non-sweet. Since ds doesn't get any sugary stuff at all in our house, m&ms were very effective.<br><br>
4) Or it could be none of the above. You're the boss.
 

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Your mom may think he is ready and can do it. I did use M&M's to help with potty training ( in all 3 of my boys all were really quick to learn). Mine didnt care about stickers or other things. Candy was SUCH a treat esp my youngest he tried really hard to remember to use ( or at least try to use) the potty. Do you think your DS will be disappointed in not getting to go to preschool because he is in diapers? Summer is a great time to learn to use the potty.
 

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I wouldn't bother with rewards (or punishments) at all. Just tell him that in a few days there will be no more diapers (except at nighttime) and then when DDay comes, no more diapers. At that point, he can go in his pants or he can go on the potty. Eventually, he will prefer to go on the potty.<br><br>
Of course, getting your mother on board for this method might be tricky.<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/redface.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="Embarrassment">
 

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I think it is typical for day care providers to have some say in potty learning. She should show respect if you object to a method and you should have an alternative method proposed if she doesn't know what else to do. You should show respect in understanding that she is ready to stop changing your 3yo's diapers. You have final authority. Veto any approach you feel is harmful.
 

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<img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="/img/vbsmilies/smilies/yeahthat.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="yeah that">:<br><br>
I appreciate that you want him to do it when he wants to, but if your mother feels he's ready and she's the one changing his diapers all day then a compromise might be in order.<br><br>
Personally I am not into food bribes, but we did make a sticker poster when my son was potty learning and he was excited to stick stickers on it.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
Thanks for all your ideas and experiences. Perhaps I need to rethink my strategies. I have told my Mom to cool it with the M&Ms until we have a chance to really make a plan, so everyone can be consistent about expectations. She was fine with that. She only has him 3 days/week, so it's not too much diaper or potty time, either way. <img alt="" class="inlineimg" src="http://www.mothering.com/discussions/images/smilies/wink1.gif" style="border:0px solid;" title="wink1">
 
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