[Shonahsmom]

My 4 yo dd is lying quite a bit these days.

It makes me feel really sad because it makes me wonder if she fears me or doesn't trust me in some way. I want to instill in her in a positive way that she can always tell me the truth.

She lies about things she's done but knows she's not to do. For example, this morning she was at her art table while I was getting ready for work. I walked past her and realized that the only things on her art table were her scissors and a stuffed animal horse with a long mane. When I walked in the room she looked all sheepish and kind of put the scissors behind her back. I wasn't even upset (what kid hasn't wanted to give a toy or a doll a haircut) so I just said something like "Sweets, the scissors are for your art, not for giving haircuts." She said "Okay momma" and I continued on my way. Well a few moments later I'm combing my hair in the bathroom and I hear the scissors. So I call out, "what are you cutting?" and she says "paper". I call out "If I come in there right now will I see you cutting paper?" She says yes. I come in and none of her paper is out and the horse is still on her art table.
I told her that I did not like that she had been dishonest and I asked her to give me the scissors, which I put up. Putting the scissors away addresses using them improperly but it doesn't addess lying about it.

What is so upsetting is that she lied to me last night too. We were eating pizza for dinner. She asked me for another piece. She had already eaten a fair amount of fruit and pizza so I asked her if she was sure that she was still hungry because I suspected that she wasn't. She has a tendency to ask for food when she's not hungry and then takes one bite and proclaims that she's finished. She assurred me that she was truly hungry. I got her a piece and then went and brought my plate to the kitchen and washed my hands. Ireturn to the dining room and her plate is empty and she's in her bedroom. So I ask her where the the pizza is. She says she ate it. I know this must be a lie because it was less than a minute had passed (she's a slow eater) and because she never eats the crust and there was no crust on her plate. So I calmly tell her that I don't think that's true for the reasons I've mentioned. She says the particular piece of pizza wasn't good so she threw it in the garbage. I know this is a lie because she would've had to go into the kitchen (where I was) to throw it in the garbage. So I ask her "If I go look in the garbage right now, will I find a piece of pizza? She says yes. So I ask her to come with me, we look and no pizza. I ask her to please tell me what she did with the pizza. She says she doesn't know. This is less than 2 minutes after the fact so obviously she knows. So I tell her she needs to go sit in her room and remeber what she did with the pizza and come tell me. She decides to tell me then and states that she threw it behind the radiator in her bedroom b/c it was "yucky". Now I have NEVER forced any issues with food. There have been a zillion times that she has rejected food one day that she liked perfectly well the day before. I NEVER make a big deal over it. Why didn't she just leave it on her plate like she has a million times before? Why did she take it in her room at all?

It was really fustrating! She lied to me like 5 times in less minutes. I was calm. I was down on her level. Why does she feel like lying to me? I told her I felt very sad and dissapointed that she had been so dishonest and that it made me feel like I didn't want to read stories with her so I just got her ready for bed and put her in her room. She settled quickly but was very upset while I was getting her ready. The thing is is that she was upset about the stories. She didn't seem remotely concerned that she had upset me by lying. I guess the punishment didn't fit... I don't know how to address this and its happening seemingly with more and more frequency and it just makes me sad and it ticks me off.

How do you discipline for lying. I really want to address this the best way possible and feel at a total loss.

 

[mamaduck]

You know, my younger son (almost 4) was regularly telling me little fibs about everyday stuff for quite a while. "Yes mama, I did wash my hands..." That sort of thing. I don't think he had any concept that it was bad or wrong. He just felt that it expediated the accomplishing of his priorities, I think. No hassle from mama if you just tell her what she wants to hear!

So anyway, he has stopped *completely.* His gymnastics teachers occasionally hand out a "certificate" that needs to go home and come back completed. A couple months ago they handed out a certificate that said, "This week I was honest about....." Ds asked me what "honest" meant, and I explained that honest meant telling the truth about what really happens, and not making up stories. Anyway, we wrote on it that he told the truth about washing his hands. And he was *so* incredibly proud! And he got to stand up in front of the class and tell them all that he told the truth. He just beamed from ear to ear. And he has been very truthful with me ever since.

My conclusion is that he just hadn't realized the value of honesty. And this really positive experience taught him about that value.

 

[Dreamer]

My son is only three, but he's a very verbal three year old, and has *quite* the imagination. He just started telling little fibs about 6 months ago. When I recognized that he was using this 'tactic' with me quite often, I sat him down and explained to him exactly what a lie was...we gave examples, for instance: "If mommy tells you to brush your teeth, and you instead PLAY in the sink, and don't brush your teeth, what would the right answer be when mommy asks you if you have brushed your teeth...at first, you may have to fill in the blank for her, but she'll catch on that it's *best* to tell the truth--what *really* happened, instead of making up a story, which is the same as lying.

I don't believe the lying is anything that is NOT age appropriate, but we as teachers must help them *learn* how to be honest-- in thier own right. We have to *show* them honesty, too...so no little white lies from mommie, either!

These kids are smarter than we think, and when they catch us in little fibs, it just re-itterates the 'social acceptance' of fibbing... My mom was/still is a fibber

...just to take the heat off of situations, but a fibber none-the-less... I guess it was kinda like living with a smoker all you're life, and growing up to despise smoking...kwim? I just refuse to let my son tell me a lie, and if I *know* he's lying, I will certainly call him out. I feel when I try to 'beat-around-the-bush' with him, trying to get him to tell me the truth, it just gives him the chance to delve further into his imagination and make up something even *more* elaborate...not good when you're trying to teach real from imaginary, or truth from lies.

I hope this helps you help her a little! I *know* how frustrating this can be, and I just want to nip it in the bud before I have a lying ten year old on my hands! Sometimes, they just need us to take the reigns and tell them how to do things...lying seems so...so...FUN for them <using thier imaginations> right now, but we have to teach them early that it is important to always tell the truth...because people will respect them for it!

She really sounds like a *very* smart, creative little girl! Great for her, but TOUGH on mommie!!

(((HUGS)))

And, good luck!!

 

[Shonahsmom]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Dreamer She really sounds like a *very* smart, creative little girl! Great for her, but TOUGH on mommie!!

And how!

Thanks for the kind words and thoughts mommas!